For over 25 years, the Demeter Fragrance Library has made their bones in the hardscrabble market space of perfumes. They simply want to find out “what kind of smells you like” and then make those smells. It’s easy!
The beauty in their product names is in their simplicity. Like the smell of a freshly-cut lawn? Great, here’s a perfume we made called “Grass.” Well, the creative dweebs at Geeks Who Drink decided to provide a service to Demeter Fragrance Library (call us!) and offer up some marketing copy to jazz up your offerings. Here goes:
Dirt – Soil yourself.
Glue – We don’t remember what it smells like either.
Spacewalk – You know, like space. Notoriously good-smelling space where it’s a vacuum and nothing can survive.
Chipotle Pepper – Do NOT apply to penis.
Whiskey Tobacco – Hey champ, dad will come back from the store SOMEDAY.
Clean Windows – It’s ammonia!
Fuzzy Balls – The Dunlop variety, for tennis. Don’t make this weird.
Mulled Cider – We really put a lot of thought into this one.
Beeswax – It’s none of your business what it smells like.
Macadamia Nut – This one’s mislabeled. It’s actually Academia Nut. It smells like the corpse of Sir Isaac Newton.
Hand Sanitizer Spray – Bring back 2020 again and again.
Gold – This one’s a trap, leprechauns.
Cotton Candy – My candy floss brings all the clowns to the yard.
Firefly – Sorry, this scent was cancelled in 2002.
Blood Lime – Now we’re just makin’ shit up.
This Is Not A Pipe – This is not a fragrance, either. You paid $36 for water. It’s a metaphor.
Clove, Clover – Someday we’ll perfect Clovest, dammit.
New Baby – Fingers crossed it isn’t just meconium.
Kamikaze – Dive into the fragrance.
Cinnamon Toast – For when you want to prank yourself into thinking you’re having a stroke.
Dregs – Literally just whatever we had left over.
First Love – Do you regret buying that giant teddy bear yet?
Holy Water – GAAAAAH IT BURRRRRNS.
Sunshine – GAAAAAAH IT BURRRRRRRNS.
Blue Spruce – It’s a tree, but it swears.
Dust – A noseful of despair.
Puppy’s Breath – FINE, TAKE OUR MONEY.
Oh yeah, there’s a perfume question in this week’s Duh! video. Go watch it!
One of our favorite round concepts that we run at Geeks Who Drink pub quizzes is “Duh!” What’s that, you ask? Well, the best trivia questions are usually the ones that are right on the tip of your tongue—so obvious that you may not know the answer offhand, but you should. In our Duh! rounds, we take trivia lovers on a voyage through our face-palmiest questions. Will you get fooled by these obvious factoids?
Our first book “Duh!” is now available! Order your copy today.
If you like this video, go ahead and subscribe to our Geeks Who Drink channel on YouTube! If you love our pub quizzes, then you’ll probably like our videos. We’re not sure. We know our moms are really proud of us.
Featured image courtesy of: Schorle / Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0