Passion of The Topsy HitlerMavrick
Amidst the madness of March, which is less fun than the ides, the thing to beware of more is giving silly answers when you don’t want your quizmaster to make fun of you. But my comments are priceless, so I should start charging them. We spanned the cabinet, and I don’t mean Ikea crap… more like those cool kids in that club that are systematically destroying our country. And people say I should run for politics… I think I’d have too much fun for the nation if I had a podium. GWD should have a podium. Ok, enough about the podium I dream of having. We covered Now That’s What I Call Music!, rays, electrocution and movie characters who quote and misquote the bible. Round 1 went with members of the cabinet, having The Fact Tuesdays being the only team who could place the department of Commerce overseeing the Patent and Trademark office. And huge thanks to Blood, Guts & Firetrucks for being the only team to refer to the WWE as the WWF… all the love, which must be why they drew a cock after every answer… and Charlie Day was on their team drinking green paint. Or beer. Whoops there goes another rubber tree. Round 2 moved through the Now That’s What I Call Music! bullshit albums, which we all know we’ve listened to and enjoyed. lil willy & the grapefruits thought Bruno Mars did Uptown Funk, but who also seemed to think shining star was by Mariah Carey when the song in question was actually Janet Jackson… Miss Jackson if ya nasty! Unfortunately, everyone knew Justin Bieber… that makes me wanna piss myself. And while everyone could place Pink, only The Fact Tuesdays could name Blow Me (One Last Kiss) was the title… again, not sure if I should be proud or embarrassed for them. We moved along to a round on rays… all kinds of rays, other than Stantz. Only lil willy & the grapefruits have never heard of a manta ray as everyone else knew they were fish. I’m trying to imagine what a manta ray would be if it wasn’t a fish… but I digress. At least they, unlike C Squad, knew that Madonna’s album Ray of Light came before American Life. And In Second Place (who came in last) would be the only team who thought the NBA’s Ray Allen was the all-time leader in steals instead of 3-pointers… racist honkies. We took a little scoring break then dove into round 4, our round on nouns getting electrocuted. Not nuns.
So according to lil willy & the grapefruits, Jim Caviezel was struck by lightning during the filming of House of 1,000 Corpses aka the story of Jesus. And it would only be our last place team, In Second Place, who would be able to correctly know that Topsy was killed in 1903. And I agreed with their commentary… Fuck Edison! And Blood, Guts & Firetrucks and C Squad don’t know the old “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas”, thinking the 6th planet was either Jupiter or Uranus. We had the visual round handed in at the end of round 4, dealing with tabloid celebrities. In Second Place can’t tell that LL Cool J never played for the Chicago Bulls… nor did he ever have bright green hair. Or any hair. He may have been born bald… well, technically we all are. Only Blood, Guts & Firetrucks knew that Marion Barry wasn’t Chuck Berry, Al Sharpton or Rev Run. Round 6 moved into everything you should know about cologne and perfume, and not just for that time of the month. Sorry, but Tony Clifton shows no mercy. While most people know that perfume is measured, like music, in notes… Blood, Guts & Firetrucks & In Second Place seemed to think it would actually be volume or tones. Silly doosh canoes! Speaking of not knowing things about baseball, C Squad and In Second Place figured A-Rod had his own cologne… and that he was actually a short stop. Then again, I thought he was on kickoff, so… yeah. Don’t tell lil willy & the grapefruits, but there is a slight difference between aubergine and ambergris… I wanna see what happens when they mix them up. We took a scoring break and the spread was thin, like a lil butter on a lotta toast.
Round 7 covered movies with biblical references… faith in humanity is always restored when people can recognize Ghostbusters. Only lil willy & the grapefruits were able to place New Jack City, but thought Shawshank Redemption was The Island of Doctor Morreau. For some reason, not one team could tell it was Aunt May’s Lord’s Prayer being interrupted by Green Goblin in the first Spider Man! What the fuck, y’all? I give you Spider Man, you give me The Exorcist?! Way to make a Mav sad. But I forgave them just enough to move along into our final round, the multi-point random knowledge. Only C Squad knew Luxembourg was sold for 5M guilders and is now ruled by the house of Bourbon-Parma. Speaking of teams who only get the answer when no one else does, but still can’t win a quiz, In Second Place would be the solo champs of knowing the “When Will You Marry?” painting was by Gaugin. You (van) gogh girl! And only Blood, Guts & Firetrucks knew that Murky Dismal was from Rainbow Brite and not the Power Rangers. Also, In Second Place and C Squad had some chemistry… as in they both knew that ammonia was a combination of nitrogen and hydrogen. And here’s to you, all the Robinsons, as Blood, Guts & Firetrucks was properly able to name Frank, Brooks and Jackie as the 3 MLB HoF Robinsons. Bully for you! In the end, it would be lil willy & the grapefruits taking 1st by one point affront of The Fact Tuesdays, who were only 3 points in front of newcomers Blood, Guts & Firetrucks. Quiz was toight like a toigah, and double shots of Don Julio make for a happy quizmaster! Now I’ll be looking for that stewardess passing out LSD tabs while we listen to Jefferson Starship.
Live Long & Prosper, Nanoo Nanoo
- Quizmaster Mavrick
So my name is Mavrick and yes, I know... you're Goose.
Originally from the Garbage State of NJ, I've wandered the country (primarily the South) for the last 10 years. Currently, the city of sin is home, but I will always enjoy messing with Texas and going to Florida beaches to drop deuces. A romantic date would involve Star Trek or Frasier with my amazing girlfriend... maybe a chinese buffet, too. A former pro wrestler turned female impersonating hook suspension artist, I also give grappling instruction and free headbutts.
I look up to people like Peter Steele, Fox Mulder and Cletus Kasady. I've been told I play a decent Joker as well as a good Gambit. My female alter-ego Sasha LaBia wears size 16 heels and is a fan of hooks.
Other keywords: trans-trektual, heel, sarcasm, smoking, drinking, spicy, well tequila, scars, trenchcoats, ghostbusters, they live, Laugh-in.
Live Long and Prosper, y'all. See you at the quiz!