You keep an unadorned, aluminum pole in your attic in lieu of a Christmas tree. You expect a burst of unembodied applause every time you enter a room. You still think the Benes dance is the only reliable way to attract a mate. You even spend more time watching Crackle than Netflix. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Sure, it's been 16 years since the prison gates closed on Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer. Children born since the air date of last episode are almost old enough to vote. But we're not about to let that stop us from celebrating what TV Guide called "the greatest television program of all time." The Contest: A Seinfeld Quiz About Nothing is back by popular demand - a real Festivus miracle.
Find some teammates and start brainstorming office nicknames (T-Bone is already taken) at our Facebook event page.
On Thursday, September 18th, we're heading down to Monk's for the fourth installment of the quiz that celebrates one of the greatest fandoms in TV history. We recommend leaving your own personal Newman at home, but face painting is welcome. Yeah, that's right.
Like Joe Mayo, we've got party-goers in charge of everything, so we'll catch you if you're cheating. And the Internet wasn't exactly all the rage during the "Seinfeld" era, so keep your phones in your pockets, okay? The quiz will cover all 9 seasons and possibly some ancillary material too, so it might be time to bust out that VHS copy of Rodgers & Hammerstein's Cinderella.
Keep the big bills on the outside, because admission for this event is $5 per person. We'll allow up to 6 quizzers per team, as usual, and the winning team will take home a fat cash prize. You can buy yourself a new man fur.
The more quizzers we have, the bigger the prizes, so gather your most spongeworthy friends and join us at one of our select venues for a party to rival the Newmannium.
Don't see your city's info? Check back often, as we'll be adding more venues soon.
ALBUQUERQUE | 9pm | O'Niell's Nob Hill | 4310 Central Ave SE, Albuquerque, NM 87108
ANCHORAGE | 6pm | Tap Root | 3300 Spenard Rd, Anchorage, AK 99503
AUSTIN | 8pm | Opal Divine's Penn Field | 3601 S Congress Ave, Austin, TX 78704
BOSTON | 9pm | Crossroads | 495 Beacon St, Boston, MA 02215
CHICAGO | 8pm | Connie's Pizza | 1030 N State St, Chicago, IL 60610
DALLAS/FT WORTH | 8pm | Alamo Drafthouse | 100 S Central Expy, Richardson, TX 75080 (see special booking instructions in the FAQs below)
DENVER | 8pm | Moe's BBQ Englewood | 3295 S Broadway, Englewood, CO 80113
FT COLLINS | 7:30pm | The Laboratory | 1801 S College Ave Unit D, Fort Collins, CO 80525
HOUSTON | 8pm | Little Woodrow's EaDo | 2019 Walker St, Houston TX 77003
KANSAS CITY | 7:30pm | Charlie Hooper's | 12 W 63rd St, Kansas City, KS 64113
MADISON | 8pm | Buck & Badger | 115 State St, Madison, WI 53703
MILWAUKEE | 7pm | World of Beer | 1300 E Brady St #302, Milwaukee, WI 53202
MINNEAPOLIS/ST PAUL | 8pm | The Cardinal | 2920 E 38th St, Minneapolis, MN 55406
NEW ORLEANS | 7pm | Bruno's Tavern | 7538 Maple St, New Orleans, LA 70118
PHOENIX | 7:30pm | Zuma Grill | 605 S Mill Ave, Tempe, AZ 85281
PORTLAND | 8pm | Punch Bowl Social | 340 SW Morrison St, Portland, OR 97204
SACRAMENTO/DAVIS | 8pm | G Street Wunderbar | 228 G St, Davis, CA 95616
SALT LAKE CITY | 8pm | Lumpys Downtown | 145 W Pierpont Ave, Salt Lake City, UT 84101
SAN ANTONIO | 8pm | Alamo Drafthouse Park North | 618 NW I-410, San Antonio, TX 78216 (see special booking instructions in the FAQs below)
SEATTLE | 8pm | Ship Canal Grill | 3218 Eastlake Ave E, Seattle, WA 98102
SOCAL | 7:30pm | The Harp Inn | 130 E 17th St, Costa Mesa, CA 92627
SPOKANE | 8pm | Brooklyn Nights | 122 S Monroe St, Spokane, WA 99201
TUCSON | 8pm | Dante's Fire | 2526 E Grant Rd, Tucson, AZ 85716
WASHINGTON, DC | 8pm | Alamo Drafthouse One Loudoun | 20575 Easthampton Plaza, Ashburn, VA 20147
THEMED QUIZ FAQs
Can people under 21 play? It’s up to the bar, and each venue’s going to be a little different. Check with them before you make any plans.
Should I wear a costume? YES! Some of our venues may have a costume contest if there's enough participation, but that's up to the venue and host.
How do you sign up? Where do you buy tickets? You don’t. Get to the quiz venue early (we recommend an hour minimum) with cash for your entry fee to ensure seating. EXCEPTION LEVEL MIDNIGHT: Our Alamo Drafthouse quizzes will run a reservation system for seats. See below.
Alamo Drafthouse Ticketing Instructions
1) Using the system you'll buy your tickets for your WHOLE TEAM. Did someone drop out? Need to add a player? We'll deal with that on the day of the event (come early).
2) Please don't leave empty seats. We're one big happy family and we're going to do whatever we can to fit in as many people as we can. Thus, no buffer seats, okay?
3) Don't get married to your spot in the theater. We reserve the right to reassign seats and/or move to a different auditorium, thus changing your row and seat assignment. Questions or concerns? Email quizmaster Stephanie Stone-Robb at email@example.com.
Okay? Okay. Here's the link for the D/FW quiz: http://drafthouse.com/movies/seinfeld-geeks-who-drink-trivia-night/dfw
And San Antonio: http://drafthouse.com/movies/geeks-who-drink-seinfeld-quiz/san_antonio
Is this a free quiz? No, it's $5 per person to play (bring cash!), and we'll ask you to pay for everyone on your team before we give you quiz materials.
What's the maximum/minimum players per team? There is no minimum, but if you want to win, you should have a fully staffed squad. Use our Facebook and Twitter to recruit. Team maximum is strictly six players, as always.
Can we play the quiz twice by traveling to another city? No. No. And no. First of all, that’d be impressive, because our themed quizzes are now always on one day (with the rarest of exceptions). Secondly, even if you figure out a way to cheat, don't do it.
Can minors play? That's entirely up to the venue. Check with them.
Do spectators have to pay? Yes. Yes, they do. Spectators generally have to pay for sporting events, right? This also goes for Geeks Who Drink employees that aren't working at the event and the people they make love to.
Can my dad/girlfriend/friend sit at our table and not play? No. Six people max seated at a table and all players must pay.
Can you host this at BLANK bar in BLANK city? No. We host these at venues that meet certain criteria. So, if we're not in your city, there won't be a quiz. If we're in your city, and there's no quiz, we're sorry. Feel free to let us know if you think demand is there, and maybe next time we'll get it started.
Is there a prize for second place? Nope, this is winner take all. But second place is impressive; you should be proud.
How is the prize amount determined? In most cases, the prize amount is 50% of the total take. Why not 100%? Because we have to cover our costs of producing and marketing these event quizzes.
Will BLANK TOPIC be covered? Everything is fair game. Study hard. Apply yourself. And we never give clues.
Do I need to RSVP? Seating is first-come, first-served and there are no reservations. These things quite often sell out, so get there early to guarantee a seat.
How long will the quiz last? Our regular quizzes run about 1.5-2 hours, but themed quizzes require a bit more heavy lifting in terms of logistics, scoring and extra stuff we may have planned. Average is about 3 hours.
I'd like to help promote the quiz / talk to you on my podcast / contribute some bonus prizes. Great! Contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll see about making that happen.
Want to see what's already been done? Check out our previous themed quizzes!