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The Denver Wrangler
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Wednesday, May 25, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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That Thing I Do!
Cousin Chet

Tom Everett Scott. What the fuck ever happened to that guy? I mean I know I could look it up, but I’m too lazy for that. I’ve always thought that with that name, he should have always been a greying middle aged father on a vaguely Christian WB show in the ‘90s. Seriously, something with a  title like Spruce Town, Keeping the Faith, Trees and Hills and Not Fucking Before Marriage. I mean the name just screams that. Tom Everett Scott. That doesn’t scream hip teenage drummer in a 1960’s rock band. That said, That Thing You Do is one of my favorite movies ever. I love it. Liv Tyler, Tom Hanks, Steve Zahn, that one guy from Vegas Vacation, that other guy
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
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Wednesday, May 18, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Only '90s Kids Are Horrible Idiots
Cousin Chet

Yes, I remember the song Breakfast at Tiffany’s by Deep Blue Something. Fuck you very much, millennials. It was a very popular song in the ‘90s. It was a simpler time. There had only been one war in Iraq, Friends was convincing us all that we could live comfortably with no money in Manhattan, and our biggest concern regarding the president was whether or not he was getting his dick sucked in the Oval Office. And on the radio, we were jamming to Breakfast at Tiffany’s. And that one song by Del Amitri that I can barely remember. I know that in the video they were all creepy babies in strollers with their adult heads. It was fucking weird. But it was the ‘90s. We were
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
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Wednesday, May 11, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Hey! Listen!
Cousin Chet

Ocarina of Time is the greatest game ever made. Period. If anyone ever tries to tell you different, you punch them in the throat. I mean, is there any other game that convinced you to go out and buy  a stupid instrument like an ocarina? No, I didn’t think so. There is one major shortcoming of the game. That is of course Navi. God I fucking hate Navi. There has never been a feature in a game that was trying to help you that you hated so much. Probably because of the constant “Hey! Listen!” that she shouted at you. That shit gets old real fucking quick. Alright, so I’m a bit distracted today. Riot Fest just announced today that the Misfits are going to be
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
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Wednesday, May 04, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Jesse Tuggle
Cousin Chet

Jesse Tuggle. With a name like that, how did he never do porn? I mean that is a pretty great porn name. I mean, yeah he was a college football guy, but couldn’t he also do porn? I mean, there’s no guarantee that being a great college player translates into being a great NFL player (Hi, Johnny Manziel!), so why not do some porn. I mean, I’m not speaking from experience and even if I was good luck ever finding it, but you can make some pretty decent money doing porn. Even just amateur webcam stuff. So, Jesse, if you’re still out there and still in decent shape, there are worse ways to make a buck. I’ve always had kind of a weird relationship with the movie
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
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Wednesday, Apr 27, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Love Can Not Save You, Padme
Cousin Chet

Alright yes, The scene between Padme and Anakin at the end of Star Wars Episode III is less a breakup and more a murder. But, there are lots of ways to break up with someone. You can tell them it’s not them it’s you, you can leave them a note after you move all of your stuff out of the their apartment while they are at work (True story! Happened to me. But I’m not bitter), you can even leave them a voicemail saying it’s over. Or you can force choke them out of existence. Now I know that that sounds callous, but it definitely has its upsides. I mean, you’re not going to run into them at Starbucks or at Toschie Station while picking up power converters.
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
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Wednesday, Apr 20, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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These Are People Who Died
Cousin Chet

It’s been a rough year for celebrities. And it’s only getting rougher. I know that every single website you’ve clicked on today has been talking about Prince and I’m sure you’d like a break from that. Well, too bad. I don’t have much to add to the conversation. He was a legend. He was crazy. He wrote great music. He had incredible style. And he pissed off Tipper Gore. Which is always a great thing. So, goodbye you freaky weirdo. You will be missed. The two that are still hurting me the most are two of favorite artists of all time. Lemmy and David Bowie. My high school years were filled with tons of Bowie. Music, films, other stuff. And Lemmy,, well
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
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Wednesday, Apr 13, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Cuts Like A Knife
Cousin Chet

I don’t really know about Bryan Adams. Yeah, he says he canceled his North Carolina show because he was disgust by their anti-LGBTQ bill. But is that really the reason? Wouldn’t a more sensible reason be that it’s no longer 1993 and no one gives a shit anymore? Did they notice that they had only sold four tickets for the show and piggybacked off of Springsteen’s stance? I mean, the gesture is nice and all, but that doesn’t make him any less Bryan Adams. Just my thoughts on the subject. So, everybody’s favorite TV show trivia joke is pretty obvious. I’m not talking about the Geeks Who Drink TV show hosted by Zachary Levy. That’s just our
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
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Wednesday, Apr 06, 2016
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Bennie!
Cousin Chet

Okay, Fly Away Home. I never saw that movie. And I’m too lazy to look it up. But a lot of you seemed really excited about it. And from what I could gather from the clip, it was about a girl who saved a duck or a goose or something. Now, if I am correct in thinking that it was a goose, I don’t think this movie was as uplifting as some of you were trying to tell me. Because, and this is a scientific fact, geese are fucking assholes. I lived in an apartment that had a manmade lake in the center of the complex and the thing was always surrounded by geese. And guess what? They were dicks. They shit everywhere. They chased children. The tried to fight dogs. And sometimes they would just
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
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Wednesday, Mar 30, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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It Was Great to be Back
JeffreyMetius

I always enjoy hosting at the Wrangler.  The crowd is always fun and you all really seem to like me.  I’m not sure if it’s because I give into your demands of hosting part of the quiz topless or because I stumble over words and am just a little awkward.  Either way I always enjoy hosting there.  It’s great to see many of the same teams that were there the last 2 times I was there.  It was definitely interesting getting use to the new booth set up with my head almost hitting the light bar above the set up…but either way it was easier to get set up.  That was mainly because Johnny came in before quiz and got everything just about fully set
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Hello all!

I'm Jeff...the really big guy. In my time when I'm not hosting quiz I enjoy playing hockey and taking my jeep up into the mountains to get away from everyone.  While I'm up there I ponder the many parts of life...like why do hotdogs come in packs of 10 and the buns come in packs of 8...and yes you can explode and yes you can implode...but can you just plode?

Just think about it. 


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The Denver Wrangler
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Wednesday, Mar 16, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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It's Me Gold!
Cousin Chet

The greatest thing that Jennifer Aniston ever did was the movie Leprechaun. I mean, talking about peaking early. Luckily people took pity on her and continued to hire her for  almost thirty more years. I mean, she was great being hunted by Warwick Davis, but did she really deserve a sitcom, several other movies, and a brief marriage to Brad Pitt for that? I don’t think so. Also, she has completely ignored her roots and has never returned to do another Leprechaun, despite the fact that she could have worked with such acting luminaries as Ice-T and Joe Gatins. Alright, I’ll level with you. It’s St. Patrick’s Day. I don’t celebrate the day because I
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
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Wednesday, Mar 09, 2016
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Bette, Kim, And Nancy MFK
Cousin Chet

So, I don’t really have an opinion about the Bette Midler Kim Kardashian feud. Mostly because I don’t really care. Also, I like naked pictures of Kim and I like the music of Bette Midler (shut up, you can’t judge me), so whatever. I will say that our Bette Midler round was awesome. Here’s something fun to try next time you’re having sex; right when you are seriously getting into it, start singing “From a Distance.” Either your partner will be incredibly weirded out by it, or they’ll join you on the God is watching us part. Everybody wins! Hey, guess who I really don’t care about? Nancy Reagan! I know, I know, she just died. But
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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Wednesday, Mar 02, 2016
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And Here Come The Pretzels
Cousin Chet

The movie The Omega Man with Charlton Heston was an adaptation of Richard Matheson’s I Am Legend. It was a very loose adaptation. It changed the vampire like creatures of the book into mutants caused by a bio war between Russia and China. Several decades later I Am Legend was adapted again, starring Will Smith. Despite using the name of the original name being on the film, it was somehow an even looser adaptation. I don’t want to spoil anything, but in the original, the creatures are actually intelligent and can talk. And they see the protagonist as the real monster for hunting and killing them. They are just trying to fight back and survive. It’s a powerful  metaphor
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
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Wednesday, Feb 24, 2016
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Geek Bowl Memories
Cousin Chet

I am still living in the post Geek Bowl afterglow. It was a magical time for everyone involved. And I want to share some of my favorite moments. First of all, this is the third time that I have been in Westword in the past five years. And two of those times were in the past couple of weeks. I fucking rule. I also adopted a brand new alter ego this weekend. By now, you know me as Cousin Chet, Tio Fantastico, and BobDylan WrotePropagandaSongs. And after this weekend, you can add Rockin’ Johnny Lee to that list. He’s a drinking, drugging, loving kinda guy. And even though his time has passed, he’s still the rock star he always was and always will be. He also
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
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Wednesday, Feb 17, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Bye, Scalia. You'll Be Missed?
Cousin Chet

Yes, Scalia is dead. And I know that we aren’t supposed to be happy about somebody dying, but fuck that guy. I can’t say he ever did anything to benefit me and I know he hasn’t done anything for you. This man was more afraid of social progress than most people were of clowns. And that’s an apt comparison because Scalia was a clown. I think his biggest contribution to the culture were phrases like “jiggerdy pokery” and “ask your nearest hippie.” I mean what the fuck does that even mean? That’s like some of the shit my nana was saying when she was what we politely call “sundowning.” So, yeah. Sad he’s dead and all, but good
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
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Wednesday, Feb 10, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Woo Zsa Zsa!
Cousin Chet

It’s always a gamble when we do rounds about people we thought were dead who aren’t. Last night had me freaking out. Mainly because of one little lady, Zsa Zsa Gabor. Not only did she turn 99 the other day, but she got hospitalized the day before the quiz. You better know that I waited until the very last minute to print that visual round. And I was going to be really pissed if she died between the time that I printed it. But she didn’t die! And she will probably never die. Because she is immortal. I didn’t notice the woo guy at the Super Bowl on Sunday. That might be because I was really drunk. You support your team your way and I’ll support my team mine.
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
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Wednesday, Feb 03, 2016
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Hamilton: The Musical: The Quiz: The Blog
Cousin Chet

Yes, Hamilton: The Musical. I haven’t seen it, mainly because I haven’t to New York, Chicago, or San Francisco in recent memory. I guess I’m just going to have to wait until it comes to Denver. At which point I probably won’t be able to get tickets. So I’ll just have to wait for NBC or Fox to do it as a live musical event. At which point I won’t want to watch it, because they’ll fill the cast with a bunch of white people and Vanessa Hudgens and it will just be the worst. Now, the preceding comment was not a slam on Hudgens. She did a fine job in Grease. I just didn’t like that version of Grease. In fact, I mostly wanted to put on the
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan