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The Denver Wrangler
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Wednesday, Apr 27, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Love Can Not Save You, Padme
Cousin Chet

Alright yes, The scene between Padme and Anakin at the end of Star Wars Episode III is less a breakup and more a murder. But, there are lots of ways to break up with someone. You can tell them it’s not them it’s you, you can leave them a note after you move all of your stuff out of the their apartment while they are at work (True story! Happened to me. But I’m not bitter), you can even leave them a voicemail saying it’s over. Or you can force choke them out of existence. Now I know that that sounds callous, but it definitely has its upsides. I mean, you’re not going to run into them at Starbucks or at Toschie Station while picking up power converters.
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
Denver, CO
80203
Wednesday, Apr 20, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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These Are People Who Died
Cousin Chet

It’s been a rough year for celebrities. And it’s only getting rougher. I know that every single website you’ve clicked on today has been talking about Prince and I’m sure you’d like a break from that. Well, too bad. I don’t have much to add to the conversation. He was a legend. He was crazy. He wrote great music. He had incredible style. And he pissed off Tipper Gore. Which is always a great thing. So, goodbye you freaky weirdo. You will be missed. The two that are still hurting me the most are two of favorite artists of all time. Lemmy and David Bowie. My high school years were filled with tons of Bowie. Music, films, other stuff. And Lemmy,, well
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
Denver, CO
80203
Wednesday, Apr 13, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Cuts Like A Knife
Cousin Chet

I don’t really know about Bryan Adams. Yeah, he says he canceled his North Carolina show because he was disgust by their anti-LGBTQ bill. But is that really the reason? Wouldn’t a more sensible reason be that it’s no longer 1993 and no one gives a shit anymore? Did they notice that they had only sold four tickets for the show and piggybacked off of Springsteen’s stance? I mean, the gesture is nice and all, but that doesn’t make him any less Bryan Adams. Just my thoughts on the subject. So, everybody’s favorite TV show trivia joke is pretty obvious. I’m not talking about the Geeks Who Drink TV show hosted by Zachary Levy. That’s just our
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
Denver, CO
80203
Wednesday, Apr 06, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Bennie!
Cousin Chet

Okay, Fly Away Home. I never saw that movie. And I’m too lazy to look it up. But a lot of you seemed really excited about it. And from what I could gather from the clip, it was about a girl who saved a duck or a goose or something. Now, if I am correct in thinking that it was a goose, I don’t think this movie was as uplifting as some of you were trying to tell me. Because, and this is a scientific fact, geese are fucking assholes. I lived in an apartment that had a manmade lake in the center of the complex and the thing was always surrounded by geese. And guess what? They were dicks. They shit everywhere. They chased children. The tried to fight dogs. And sometimes they would just
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
Denver, CO
80203
Wednesday, Mar 30, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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It Was Great to be Back
JeffreyMetius

I always enjoy hosting at the Wrangler.  The crowd is always fun and you all really seem to like me.  I’m not sure if it’s because I give into your demands of hosting part of the quiz topless or because I stumble over words and am just a little awkward.  Either way I always enjoy hosting there.  It’s great to see many of the same teams that were there the last 2 times I was there.  It was definitely interesting getting use to the new booth set up with my head almost hitting the light bar above the set up…but either way it was easier to get set up.  That was mainly because Johnny came in before quiz and got everything just about fully set
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Hello all!

I'm Jeff...the really big guy. In my time when I'm not hosting quiz I enjoy playing hockey and taking my jeep up into the mountains to get away from everyone.  While I'm up there I ponder the many parts of life...like why do hotdogs come in packs of 10 and the buns come in packs of 8...and yes you can explode and yes you can implode...but can you just plode?

Just think about it. 


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
Denver, CO
80203
Wednesday, Mar 16, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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It's Me Gold!
Cousin Chet

The greatest thing that Jennifer Aniston ever did was the movie Leprechaun. I mean, talking about peaking early. Luckily people took pity on her and continued to hire her for  almost thirty more years. I mean, she was great being hunted by Warwick Davis, but did she really deserve a sitcom, several other movies, and a brief marriage to Brad Pitt for that? I don’t think so. Also, she has completely ignored her roots and has never returned to do another Leprechaun, despite the fact that she could have worked with such acting luminaries as Ice-T and Joe Gatins. Alright, I’ll level with you. It’s St. Patrick’s Day. I don’t celebrate the day because I
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
Denver, CO
80203
Wednesday, Mar 09, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Bette, Kim, And Nancy MFK
Cousin Chet

So, I don’t really have an opinion about the Bette Midler Kim Kardashian feud. Mostly because I don’t really care. Also, I like naked pictures of Kim and I like the music of Bette Midler (shut up, you can’t judge me), so whatever. I will say that our Bette Midler round was awesome. Here’s something fun to try next time you’re having sex; right when you are seriously getting into it, start singing “From a Distance.” Either your partner will be incredibly weirded out by it, or they’ll join you on the God is watching us part. Everybody wins! Hey, guess who I really don’t care about? Nancy Reagan! I know, I know, she just died. But
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
Denver, CO
80203
Wednesday, Mar 02, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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And Here Come The Pretzels
Cousin Chet

The movie The Omega Man with Charlton Heston was an adaptation of Richard Matheson’s I Am Legend. It was a very loose adaptation. It changed the vampire like creatures of the book into mutants caused by a bio war between Russia and China. Several decades later I Am Legend was adapted again, starring Will Smith. Despite using the name of the original name being on the film, it was somehow an even looser adaptation. I don’t want to spoil anything, but in the original, the creatures are actually intelligent and can talk. And they see the protagonist as the real monster for hunting and killing them. They are just trying to fight back and survive. It’s a powerful  metaphor
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
Denver, CO
80203
Wednesday, Feb 24, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Geek Bowl Memories
Cousin Chet

I am still living in the post Geek Bowl afterglow. It was a magical time for everyone involved. And I want to share some of my favorite moments. First of all, this is the third time that I have been in Westword in the past five years. And two of those times were in the past couple of weeks. I fucking rule. I also adopted a brand new alter ego this weekend. By now, you know me as Cousin Chet, Tio Fantastico, and BobDylan WrotePropagandaSongs. And after this weekend, you can add Rockin’ Johnny Lee to that list. He’s a drinking, drugging, loving kinda guy. And even though his time has passed, he’s still the rock star he always was and always will be. He also
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
Denver, CO
80203
Wednesday, Feb 17, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Bye, Scalia. You'll Be Missed?
Cousin Chet

Yes, Scalia is dead. And I know that we aren’t supposed to be happy about somebody dying, but fuck that guy. I can’t say he ever did anything to benefit me and I know he hasn’t done anything for you. This man was more afraid of social progress than most people were of clowns. And that’s an apt comparison because Scalia was a clown. I think his biggest contribution to the culture were phrases like “jiggerdy pokery” and “ask your nearest hippie.” I mean what the fuck does that even mean? That’s like some of the shit my nana was saying when she was what we politely call “sundowning.” So, yeah. Sad he’s dead and all, but good
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
Denver, CO
80203
Wednesday, Feb 10, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Woo Zsa Zsa!
Cousin Chet

It’s always a gamble when we do rounds about people we thought were dead who aren’t. Last night had me freaking out. Mainly because of one little lady, Zsa Zsa Gabor. Not only did she turn 99 the other day, but she got hospitalized the day before the quiz. You better know that I waited until the very last minute to print that visual round. And I was going to be really pissed if she died between the time that I printed it. But she didn’t die! And she will probably never die. Because she is immortal. I didn’t notice the woo guy at the Super Bowl on Sunday. That might be because I was really drunk. You support your team your way and I’ll support my team mine.
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
Denver, CO
80203
Wednesday, Feb 03, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Hamilton: The Musical: The Quiz: The Blog
Cousin Chet

Yes, Hamilton: The Musical. I haven’t seen it, mainly because I haven’t to New York, Chicago, or San Francisco in recent memory. I guess I’m just going to have to wait until it comes to Denver. At which point I probably won’t be able to get tickets. So I’ll just have to wait for NBC or Fox to do it as a live musical event. At which point I won’t want to watch it, because they’ll fill the cast with a bunch of white people and Vanessa Hudgens and it will just be the worst. Now, the preceding comment was not a slam on Hudgens. She did a fine job in Grease. I just didn’t like that version of Grease. In fact, I mostly wanted to put on the
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
Denver, CO
80203
Wednesday, Jan 27, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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The Future Is Cheesy Gordita Crunch
Cousin Chet

Yes, in the future the only restaurant that will exist will be Taco Bell. I know this because I saw the movie Demolition Man. As far as I’m concerned, Stallone has never lied to me and has no reason to start now, so when he gave us this glimpse of our future, I have no reason to not trust him. Yes, in the future there will be nothing for us to eat other than enchurritos and quesorittos and other things that were made up by stoners late at night by cramming one food into another food and calling it innovation. You will also be fined every time you swear, so watch out for that. So, I’m going to admit it. I think I’m going to watch the Grease Live. I mean, I have no
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
Denver, CO
80203
Wednesday, Jan 20, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Crazy Gonna Cray
Cousin Chet

Hey! Did you know that Germany is still using that one national anthem that they used during their Nazi years? It’s a fact! Now, I understand that they had been using that anthem before Hitler got all genocidey, but considering how much they have tried to change their image since then, you’d think they’d make an attempt to come up with something new. I mean, for the very least so it doesn’t make the other countries uncomfortable at the Olympics. I mean, let’s face it. Whenever Germany’s will starts triumphing, Poland and France get a little uncomfortable. Maybe they could recruit that delightful John Williams to write them a new song. Look what he did for
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
Denver, CO
80203
Wednesday, Jan 13, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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All My Heroes Are Secretly Aliens
Cousin Chet

Well, so ends my week of morning David Bowie. I have almost completely run out of things to say. So here are just a few stray stories I forgot over the week. The Berlin Trilogy is possibly some of the greatest music ever recorded. Not just because of Bowie working with Brian Eno, who is one of the greatest producers who ever lived, or the way that it embraced so deeply a mix of early electronic and krautrock, but because the amount of cocaine they were doing while recording that album is staggering. Anyone ever tells you that drugs don’t make great music, hit them in the face with a copy of Low. David saved the career of the band Mott the Hoople. If you know only one
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan


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The Denver Wrangler
1700 Logan St
Denver, CO
80203
Wednesday, Jan 06, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 8:00 pm]
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Germans. What Will They Think Of Next?
Cousin Chet

Sometimes, when we have quiz, even I learn something new. For example, last night I learned that German scientists have invented a new form of male birth control. Now, instead of a vasectomy, you can have a little switch surgically placed in your junk. When you don’t want to impregnate anyone you just switch it on. And when you do, just switch it off. Convenience for those who are wishy washy about bringing kids into the world. Personally, I have no use for this because I never want to bring little me’s into the world. But good for you indecisive guys out there. Obviously when things like this are developed, one must consider all the ways they might malfunction. Like maybe
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AAAAHHHH!!! AH AH AAAAAHHH! OHMYGODWHATTHEYWHATTHEFUCKWHATFUCK!?!?!?!?!? NO! NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? AAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME? JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING MONSTER! OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also enjoys the music of Steely Dan