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Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Wednesday, Apr 27, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
[Sundays @ 7:30 pm]
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Stack 'em deep
Dr. Nick

What a great night to come back after my trip from hell. It was great to see nearly most of you. But seriously, I do hate taking a night off. Congratulations to Death by Misadventure for their win, and Joolias for finishing second! Now, what do we get when we cross a baby pyramid with haikus? Milk white cloud / spritzer / over our wee warbling sucklers / babies in the sky Full diaper on top / foundation under crumples / shit spilleth over Pampers didn’t show / and the pyramid became / too slippery Babies on the top! / On the bottom, babies, too / In the middle: poo Baby left, babe right / baby keep me up
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  • Quiz Image
Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Sunday, Apr 24, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
[Sundays @ 7:30 pm]
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It's coming
Dr. Nick

Congratulations to Little Red Corvette is now running on a spare for their win, despite making a joke at the expense of one of the greatest artists of all time. Just behind them, Fudgie Hexer came in a close second with an entire field of competition just points behind. I know it’s April, but to avoid GoT spoilers, we tried to talk about Krampus… Tried… It still smells of fish / from that time you made dinner / like six months ago Utah hates all porn / Krampus thinks that’s really dumb / porn for all You are the Oprah of yeast infections: And you get one, and you! And you! Krampus, you’re
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  • Quiz Image
Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Wednesday, Apr 20, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
[Sundays @ 7:30 pm]
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*Evil Maniacal Laughter*
QuizBitch Jen

Some of the wonderful quizzers from last night noticed the distinct lack of one Dr. Nick on stage. Though I was advised in advance, I was not prepared for the seeming onslaught of teams to handle by my lonesome! I was promised a scorekeeper! Nikki eventually showed (whew!) but I had managed to not let on how frazzled I was in the meantime...Team count: 22Birthday Count: 2Count von Count: HAHAHAHAI'm sorry I had to streamline a few things to keep us on track. I'll make up for the lack of "What's in the Box?" next week with more awesomeness- and Nick better be there too. If he manages to survive the trip he's on... Or keep from murdering children and
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  • Quiz Image
Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Sunday, Apr 17, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
[Sundays @ 7:30 pm]
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Doc, I don't feel like myself
Dr. Nick

Big congratulations to Sarcasm – beats killing people for taking the win tonight, and Those kittens were asking for it for finishing second. Our topic tonight: Mr. and Mrs. Frankenstein seek couples counseling! Mrs. Frankenstein / always wondered why her kid / wasn’t enough for him Unh unh unh unh unh / mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm / hunh hunh hunh hunh hunh Sorry Dr. Frank- / enstein, the monster’s dick is / just bigger. I’m leaving Fuck this shit, I’m no / postmodern Prometheus / I just needed love Victor! Your cock, Vic! / Always so cold and clammy / necrophilia Of all the dead
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  • Quiz Image
Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Wednesday, Apr 13, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
[Sundays @ 7:30 pm]
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Inky the octopus, we salute you
Dr. Nick

It was quite the challenging quiz, and highly contested throughout the night. In the end, Rule #34 came out victorious with Crack Suicide Squad taking second place, and a close tie in third with Things you hear in a whorehouse and 2 Girls and a Guy fighting hard. With the news of Inky the octopus escaping from his New Zealand prison, we just had to explore the subject of why I’m afraid of the ocean: We’re looking down on Wayne’s basement / but that’s not Wayne’s basement / that’s a seamonster! The beautiful open sea / on how you tease me / the fish and sharks will
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Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Sunday, Apr 10, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
[Sundays @ 7:30 pm]
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Squid or swallow
Dr. Nick

Well, sometimes you just open your heart to those around you. Other times, you just open your internet search history and reveal that one of the last things you were curious about was how to sex a cephalopod. Which, by the way, the top result is an article titled: Squid or swallow. So that was our topic for the night, and the responses did vary between the following: You filthy perverts: Cephalopods swimming / up and down and round and round / what are they doing? Compliment their beak / then move onto their many limbs / real life hentai fun Our own dear Squidward / hottest cephalopod down deep / squid sex to die for A squid
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Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Wednesday, Apr 06, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
[Sundays @ 7:30 pm]
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The Force Abides
Dr. Nick

Congratulations to Crack Suicide Squad and Grapefruit Diet for taking the top spots and prizes last night. Of course, with The Force Awakens coming out this week, I wanted your suggestions for new droids or what force is awakening. My saber so red / happiness is what I seek / heads removed quickly Sucky sucky 5000: Rolly rolly sexy bot / the sucky bot to get you hot It sneaks speedy in / this bot will surprise you all / it is the shocker R2D2 needs / a hot girlfriend for tonight / enter: hot sex bot And then we have a suggestion for what Force exactly has awakened… Kylo Ren and Rey / they are most likely cousins / but damn they
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  • Quiz Image
Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Sunday, Apr 03, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
[Sundays @ 7:30 pm]
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Another Sunday with Chimpanzees
Dr. Nick

There seems to be a lot of trouble in America right now. How did we get here? How can this be happening? Seriously, why do we allow such blatant terror to be created in our own borders?? Batman v Superman is a war crime. Thankfully, we had a great night of quiz, and the big prize went to Ralph Bell can eat a bag of dicks. That always paints quite the visual. I imagine something that resembles the hot-dog eating competition. Coming in second, America? And now, your haikus about polishing a turd. Busy solving math / no time for stupid turd / go away wee boy You shut and save it / it is so special to you / shiney but not
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Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Wednesday, Mar 30, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
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Take this J.O.B.
Dr. Nick

Who knew Lady Gaga could actually age? I thought we created her in a lab. Anyways, big congratulations to Death by Misadventure for snagging the top spot last night, topping the crowd with their incredible knowledge of body fluids and such. Just behind them, Donald Trump’s Back Alley Abortion Clinics which has such a ring of truth to it. We all know pro-life politicians are just jealous they can’t make money off abortions and so they’re trying to control the procedure entirely. Does this upset you? Then vote. It’s really simple. Make like Tobias and turn your representatives blue! And now, some pretty brutal poetry on
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  • Quiz Image
Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Sunday, Mar 27, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
[Sundays @ 7:30 pm]
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Good morning, bunny
Dr. Nick

Happy Easter, and a big congratulations to Squatters are Traitors for their win. Just behind them, Mangey Merkins finished in a tightly-contested second place. And now, the resurrection is just Weekend at Bernie’s style madness: Easter rising: Peeps / my widdle chick’s goldenrod / do not microwave Garry Shandling dead? / No problem, it’s Easter dude / Larry Sanders lives! He’s dead on the cross / yes Jesus, even God’s son / soon again to live The last words of Christ, / “the tomb should have HBO” / Now there are Christians Christ is ris’n today / sunny day Sunday
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Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Wednesday, Mar 23, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
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Cuba Liberator
Dr. Nick

It was a close night, with the back-to-back 16 point opportunities in rounds two and three. Just a pro-tip, I’m not sure you can be critical about Anne Hathaway’s acting career when you know the lead character from 50 Shades of Grey. Thankfully, calling Dr. John Dorian “Turk’s friend” rather than the other way around helps you look a bit less racist. Congratulations to Johnny Lingo: the 10 cow wives for pulling off the close win, with Crack Suicide taking second. My Caucus Lasts for 3 Hours and Malted Hops and Bong Resin were right there the whole night in the top scoring teams. And
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  • Quiz Image
Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Sunday, Mar 20, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
[Sundays @ 7:30 pm]
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I'm afraid I blue myself
Dr. Nick

I truly am quite tired of this election cycle, but caucus is a really funny word. I also wanted to put together another little anecdotal bit together to accompany the thousands of people who showed up to see an inspirational candidate this past week. Red state my ass. Seriously. Enough already. I know, this is Bernie’s target market right here at a quiz night. But 14,000 supporters show up on a Friday afternoon, getting time off work/school/drinking time/whatever. So I hate doing this, but Imma get preachy. SHOW THE HELL UP AND VOTE. Drag your friends out and make sure they vote. If someone says something stupid like, “my vote doesn’t matter,” “we live
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  • Quiz Image
Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Sunday, Mar 13, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
[Sundays @ 7:30 pm]
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Top o' the marnin to ya
Dr. Nick

Congratulations to Team Sexual Discovery Channel for pulling off the win, and Osama Bin Shaq for finishing second. Now can we move on to fixing what is wrong with America? Spoiler alert: it’s your obsession with the GOP… I say leprechauns and golden showers, and what character does nearly everyone’s mind go to? Yep, sadly, not the obvious and proper one, R. Kelly. No… You made it dark. Well, without any further ado, the haikus: Lady leprechauns / R. Kelly in sex heaven / I hope they’re of age Leprechauns love gold / golden showers coming down / leprechauns dancing Leprechauns are short / but their
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  • Quiz Image
Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Wednesday, Mar 09, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
[Sundays @ 7:30 pm]
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More fictional than Bigfoot
Dr. Nick

With a triumphant return of The Musket Ears, our quiz was sure to be intense. They managed to capture the win, with The Six Smartest People in the Room (unless we lose) in a close second. Don’t forget, no quiz next week so we can celebrate the two days of St. Patrick’s Day. But Sundays will be uninterrupted, and we’ll be back the next week. So what is as rare as a logical republican these days? That’s right, Bigfoot: porn star. Your haikus on the hairy heartthrob: Seeing hairy balls / bondage, butt plugs, anal beads / fun for everyone Weindigo wieners / rips my tight fartbox in half / won’t shit
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  • Quiz Image
Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Sunday, Mar 06, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
[Sundays @ 7:30 pm]
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We like to collect things around here
Dr. Nick

Congratulations to Yeah, that’s as big as it gets for pulling off a successful round eight upset and capturing the win. The competition was quite tough! Just behind them, Post Prandial Narcoleptics squeaked into the prize money. And now, your rejected Beanie Babies: (The Christian Grey Limited edition Beanie Baby) Hand cuffs and blindfolds / Don’t you like leather and whips? / what is the safe word? There once were some Beanie Babies, who did math with quite a great ease / They shared kung-fu mayhem, with the children who made them / because they were all clearly Chinese TY never found out / how popular it would
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  • Quiz Image
Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT
84115
Wednesday, Mar 02, 2016
[Wednesdays @ 7:30 pm]
[Sundays @ 7:30 pm]
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A big box retailer failing? How?
Dr. Nick

Many years ago, I played racquetball regularly with my roommate. I was heading out of the office one day and he called to verify our court time. As I pulled up to the sporting goods store, I finished the call with the line, "I'm running into Dick's to get more balls." Sorry, Sports Authority. Nothing can stand up to dicks... This could have something to do with Sports Authority's announcement that they are bankrupt and are closing at least a third of their stores. But I'm guessing it has more to do with how super-lame these stupid big box stores are. Can we just end these shitholes already?  Congratulations to our winners, Abortion - it brings out
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