Saturday, February 20th, 2016
Magness Arena at the University of Denver
After 5 years on the road, in two different cities, Geek Bowl finally came home. Geek Bowl X was the grandest yet and only an arena could hold all of the geekiness we had in store. When the sun finally set on the evening, 228 teams, from 12 different states (and Canada), had done glorious battle, but only one rode off to Valhalla in victory with the $10,000 grand prize.
With special appearances by Magic Cyclops, The Limbs, Mariachi America de Jesus and our house magician, Max Mago, we partied late into the night. We’re sure more than a couple of us woke up with smeared face paint, thanks to Snappy Face Painting, holding tightly to a raunchy balloon animal custom made for us by Gargles and Pinky the clowns.
Special thanks to our very own Stefani Thomas and Derek Knight for making this a reality, as well as Odell Brewing for keeping the beer flowing and Biker Jim's Dogs for the ample supply of perfectly grilled, tube-shaped, meats.
After finally awaking from the pre-party hangover, nearly 1,500 geeks made the pilgrimage to the University of Denver’s Magness Arena for the start of Geek Bowl X!
We kicked things off with the official Geeks Who Drink fight song lead by drum major Aaron Retka. The banners flew and the tumblers, well, tumbled as teams prepared to FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT for their shot at the nearly $20,000 prize pool.
But that wasn’t all. Before we could kick things off, we had a special word from Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper.
And with that, we began the quiz with round one, ”Homecoming Dance 2016 - Hormones on Ice”. We relived some of the good, and traumatic, moments of our high school days. Then everyone made out.
With round one officially in the books, we welcomed our special guest emcee Eugene Mirman (Bob’s Burgers, Flight of the Conchords) to the stage for his opening remarks.
Round Two featured our musical guests of the evening Metalachi. Since they specialize in heavy metal, we asked them to present “The Headbanger’s Other Ball.” Each of the songs from round two had a metal in its title, or the artists name. You haven’t lived until you’ve heard a heavy metal mariachi band parody a Weird Al parody of a Lorde song.
For round 3, we welcomed Colorado Springs QMs Derek Knight and Jessica Schleiger to the stage for “A Bag of Dicks.” Things went as planned as our quizmasters asked the first 7 questions of the round. It was only then we dropped the actual bags of dicks on to each and every team’s table. You had four minutes to match each of the eight colored penis shaped candles to its smell. And with scents like Nacho Cheese, Brut and Chardonnay the room was awash in an aroma that was best described as overwhelming. It was the most frantic four minutes of dick sniffing the world has ever seen.
Despite olfactory fatigue, Geek Bowl X forged ahead with round 4, “Mother’s Little Helper”. Denver QMs Ellen Wuori and Jeremy Coss brought everyone back to earth with a round on parenting and mind-altering substances.
We finally took a much needed break, so that everyone could get a refill on their drinks. We handed the stage back to our friends in Metalachi to rock every face in the room.
After the first 4 rounds, everyone’s “favorite” team The Piccadilly Twitz had the lead. Could they hold on and take home the Geek Bowl X prize? Spoiler ALERT! No. No they couldn’t. Players looked to the jumbotron for our fifth round of the night. “X Gon’ Give It to Ya” had our players naming what item DMX had stolen from famous photos.
We welcomed Fort Collins QMs Mallory Wallace and Jenna Riedi to the stage for Round 6 Continental Fight Club”. This hifalutin round covered everything from Bertolt Brecht to Dressage and solidified that Geek Bowl X was not going to be won by the uncultured.
In our minds, the entire night had been leading up to the most expensive round in Geek Bowl history. Everyone’s eyes were back on the jumbotron of round seven “Children of Ten”.
Ten year olds, acting out movies that came out in 2006. Those kids nailed it. Especially the kid who plays Ricky Bobby in number eight. He’s officially the Geeks Who Drink spirit animal for the next year.
At this point in the evening it was time for our 'In Memoriam' musical tribute to the geek icons, TV shows and characters we've lost in the past year. If you're one of those annoying “spoilers” types, our video package our big “fuck you” you. As always, Bianqa LeGata, with special guests Harmony: a Colorado Chorale, nearly brought us to tears with a rendition of “My Way”. We’ll miss you Bing Bong!
After another kick ass performance by Metalachi, Bianqa LeGata and Harmony Chorale returned to stage for our tribute to our home state of Colorado.
The scores rolled and it was Poutine Clan Ain't Nothing To Fuck With in first place. In the words of Eugene Mirman. It was their's to lose….
Round eight, the decider, finally hit the stage. Denver QMs Dave DeNovellis and Mike Rucki dropped questions about anything and everything in our “Random Knowledge” round. The final answer sheets were handed in. The scorekeepers worked feverishly. Who would go home Geek Bowl champions?
And then, at long last, the final scores and winners were announced. In a tragic turn, team Canada fell to 6th place and missed being stage!
Chuckee Cheese Tokens (148th Place! The first ever 148th place team since the previous Geek Bowl attendance Record was 147 teams): TEAM COOTERCAT
Fifth Place: That’s What She Said (Austin, TX)
Fourth Place: Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain – 22 Years Sober! (Seattle, WA)
Third Place: Independence Hall & Oates (Philadelphia, PA)
Second Place: How I Met Your Mothra (Denver, CO)
First Place: Shiny & Chrome (Little Rock, AR)
Afterwards, we caught up with our winners and some of the new teams on stage this year to see how they'll remember Geek Bowl X. We’ve collected a few choice bits on the experience to share with you before we hand things over to Quizbot for the stats!
From Lee-Ann of Shiny and Chrome on Little Rock, Arkansas:
Why yes, Little Rock is a hub for mega-geniuses; it's something in the agricultural runoff. But this year, our team was actually only one-third Arkansan, and one of the Arkansans is a stealth Canadian on the DL. The rest of the team are all originally based in Illinois, and are now residents of Indiana, Illinois and New Mexico.
From Adam of Poutine Clan Ain't Nothing to Fuck With on carrying the hopes and dreams of a nation:
I'm sure it is the same as any other team, except that we get a phone call from our handsome new Prime Minister before setting off, a crowd led by a tearful Drake meeting us at the airport, and a miniseries on the CBC. I hear I'm to be played by Paul Gross.
From Kate of That's What She Said on their favorite round:
"We were super psyched about the Mother's Little Helper round. That's What She Said has been playing bar trivia since 2007 as a majority-female team (this Geek Bowl roster of 50/50 M/F is an anomaly). Three of us (Kate Cecily and Robyn) have small children who have spent a lot of time at the bar while mommy plays trivia: let's just say many a bar patron in north Austin and now Seattle have seen at least one of us breastfeeding. Sometimes bar trivia can be a bit of a sausagefest (though we love the shorter ladies' room lines, don't get me wrong), so it was so lovely to get a round aimed right at us."
From Ed of Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain - 22 Years Sober on the In Memoriam:
From Liz of Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain - 22 Years Sober on the experience:
"As far as a favorite moment, nothing can compare to being up on that stage, but I did enjoy the Children of Ten category and I thought that video bit with the governor was cute. I just thought that overall, the whole experience was so eclectic and fun. I spent an evening answering trivia questions in a hockey rink while a metal-mariachi fusion band serenaded us and Eugene Mirman emceed. I would say it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but I hope to be back next year."
From Anonymous from That's What She Said on dick sniffing:
"Oh, and the Bag o' Dicks was brilliant, but don't quote me on that."
Score-O-Matt-ic 9001 Series Quizbot's Geek Bowl X Round Recap
228 teams of humans entered Magness arena. I resisted the urge to eradicate you and thus Geek Bowl went on according to plan. If you're itchin' to get behind the numbers, and become one with the data, then I'm your robot. Please join me for the next two to four minutes as I break down some interesting facts behind each round of Geek Bowl X, and the contest overall.
Round 1 – Homecoming Dance 2016 - Hormones on Ice
Round 1 averaged just over 4 pts. Were you too distracted by the magnificent performances of our geeks? Was it like holding up a mirror to your high school days? Only two teams in the room earned perfect scores in round 1, so congrats to The Guesstapo and Hobopocalypse.
Round 2 – The Headbanger's Other Ball
We welcomed Matalachi to the stage for the first time in round 2 and they brought you a round of songs and artists with metal in their names/titles. Despite 44 teams using their joker in this round, not a single team found a perfect score. This trend would hold as not a single team aced any of the three rounds worth 16 points at Geek Bowl X! The round averaged just under 9 points in the room. Turns out very few of you were fans of post-Tragic Kingdom No Doubt songs as the vast majority of teams failed to identify “Platinum Blonde Life”.
Round 3 – A Bag of Dicks
We don’t need to tell you anything about R3, since you’re likely still trying to wash the smell of Nacho Cheese and Brut out of your hair. Despite the difficulty, R3 had the highest average score of any of the night’s 16 point rounds (9 points) and 36 teams felt good enough about the round to joker it. If it makes you feel better, there was no direct correlation between dick sniffing ability and your final standing. In fact our top two teams, had the lowest scores in the round amongst teams on stage. Independence Hall and Oates scored best on the round of our top 5 teams. Make of that what you will.
Round 4 - Mother's Little Helper
After three rounds of madness, we slowed down and took a little time out with a round 4 on parenting and drugs. Teams did well in round 4 (averaging just over 5 points) and 12 teams found perfect scores and every team on stage, sans Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain – 22 Years Sober! aced the round. The one team that jokered the round was not amongst the 12 with perfect scores…
Round 5 – X Gon’ Give It to Ya
Our round 5 nearly became the greatest “Too Soon” joke in the history of the world when DMX nearly died two weeks ago. Instead it was simply one of the easier rounds of the evening. With an average of nearly 6 points, we had handful of teams joker the round to get points where they could. All but one of those teams should have jokered Round 2, 3 or 8 instead.
Round 6 - Continental Fight Club
Round 6 was, by far, the most difficult 8 point round on the quiz, with a dismal average of 4 points. Three teams found 0 points, and only 7 teams aced it. Only two of those teams that turned in perfect rounds ended up on stage though. Round 6 was the only round, besides round 1, that no team jokered.
Round 7 – Children of Ten
The front runner for the best round of Geek Bowl X was also the easiest round of the night! 38 teams knew every movie in round 7 despite them being performed by 10 year olds. It was the only 8 point round with an average score of greater than 6 points.
Round 8 - Random Knowledge
As you would expect, Round 8 was the hardest 16 point round with an average of just over 8 points. 61% of the teams in the room saved their joker for the final round (140 teams!). Every single team on stage jokered round 8. The top team to use their joker elsewhere finished in 6th.
Ultimate Tie-Breaker Facts!
- Closest was Shenanigans from Seattle, 9 off from the answer of 942.
- 11 teams either answered 0 or said "fuck you" or said "I hope you get AIDS".
- 25 teams would have done better if they just didn't turn the answer in or guessed 0.
- The Suppressed Prophecies of Snuggles, the Fabric Softener Bear from Wichita was the MOST wrong, missing the mark by 7,038
More Fun Facts
- No team that won money would have gotten a higher spot had they jokered different round. In other words, all of them used their joker correctly.
- The team It’s Not the Singularity Engine! Quizbot Just Pooped legitimately came in last place. I had nothing to do with it....
- By the numbers, Geek Bowl X was the most difficult to date, with no teams breaking 90 points despite having three rounds worth 16 points.
- Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain – 22 Years Sober! is the first team to playing for Seattle to make it on stage.
1 Shiny and Chrome 87
2 How I Met Your Mothra 86
3 Independence Hall and Oates 86
4 Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain - 22 Years Sober! 84
5 That's What She Said 84
6 Poutine Clan Ain't Nothing To Fuck With 83
7 Denver Gonna Give You Up 82
8 Do Shut Up 81
9 Team of Enchantment 2: The New Batch 81
10 Bowlful of Jesus 80
11 Don Piano and the Long Johnsons 79
12 5 Guys, 1 Girl and No Ragrets 78
13 The Piccadilly Twitz 78
14 The Solid Gold Answers 77
15 Hobopocalypse 77
16 Lightsabermetrics 76
17 Alien vs Predator vs Brown vs Board of Education 76
18 Awkward Family Gangbang Photos 76
19 Unitarian Jihad 76
20 The 1985 Chicago Bears Shufflin' Crew 75
21 Unicorn Bukkake 75
22 Whistling Pigs Porky's Revenge 74
23 This Shit Just Got Real 73
24 Kylo Renaissance Men 73
25 Fart School for the Gifted 73
26 Featuring Drake 72
27 Kylo Ren & Stimpy 72
28 Shattered Blubber 72
29 Whirling Dervishes 72
30 Chimpanzee Amish 72
31 STEVE HARVEY CROWNED US THE WINNER OF GEEK BOWL X. PLEASE CLAP. 71
32 Incontinental Bacon 71
33 The Guesstapo 71
34 Straight Outta Three Dogs 71
35 Juggernaughty By Nature 70
36 The Sexecutioners 70
37 Swifties 70
38 You Shut Up About Girl Meets World 70
39 The Spanish In-Quiz-ition, Blazing a trail from the Dragon room to Victory 70
40 Firebreathing Sex Dragons 70
41 Michael J Fox Handjob Black Belt 70
42 So Trivia 69
43 Brannigan's Law 69
44 It's Cool to be Hip 69
45 Cannabis Popcorn 69
46 Modified Limited Rampage 69
47 Los Enanos Refinados 69
48 Irritable Vowel Syndrome 69
49 Jones thugz n harmony 68
50 Axis of C'ville 68
51 The Quizantine Empire 68
52 Drunkelstiltzken 68
53 We're with the Band 68
54 Geek Tragedy 67
55 Trump Would Screw America. And His Daughter. 67
56 Fallopian Boobs 67
57 Terminator Porn 2: We Come Again 67
58 Touched by an Uncle 67
59 I Hope My Force Won't Awake You 67
60 Carpe Scrotum 67
61 Whoa, Ninjas... 67
62 Our Steak Puns are a Rare Medium Well Done 67
63 Death Stars of David 67
64 #NoRegerts 67
65 Exceeding Our Potential 67
66 Llama glama 67
67 Victory by Apathy 67
68 Duck Butt 66
69 Drinky & the Brains! 66
70 Six Dudes, Two Prudes 66
71 I was saying Boo-urns 66
72 Hail Satan 66
73 We Might Need to Know That 66
74 Pleasant Mother Pheasant Pluckers 66
75 The Vagicians 65
76 The Wet Bandits 65
77 Max Power 65
78 Hey Dude! Where's Jim's Car? 65
79 A Table Full of Assholes 65
80 Six But Thick 65
81 My stomach hurts, I have to go to the restroom and take a giant Trump. 65
82 The Betas 2.1 64
83 Able was I ere I saw Idris Elba 64
84 Fisted Sister 64
85 45 Characters? We only have 6 on our team. 64
86 Bitch, Peas! 64
87 Your Meat is Too Big for My Buns 64
88 Plate of Shrimp 64
89 Death by Misadventure 64
90 Super rich kids with nothing but fake friends 64
91 Ballsagna 64
92 Get Your Weed and Get the Fuck Out! 64
93 Liver Let Die 63
94 We're Nihlists, Lebowski 63
95 Pirate Geeks: Here for Your Booty 63
96 Iron Beaver 63
97 Teamy Pickles 63
98 Bing Bong Chong 63
99 The #15 Bus 63
100 Legion of Doom 62
101 Anal Sunshine When She's Gone 62
102 We're Too Drunk To Taste This Chicken 62
103 The Tickle Shits 62
104 Piggy Smalls 62
105 Lez B Honest 62
106 Rodents of the Usual Size 62
107 Seamus 62
108 Poop Schmear 61
109 The Unpleasant Pheasant Pluckers 61
110 Invertebrate Punsters 61
111 MOs, HOs, and BROs 61
112 HadrufAfricanNiteFlite&h8LuvActuallyf'nEagles 61
113 The Dan Brown Tattoos 61
114 LoveFist 61
115 Michael Bolton Wanderers 61
116 Shenanigans 60
117 Wedding Planners of Westeros 60
118 Geek Shaped Box 60
119 AN ALbum Cover 60
120 Infinite Taint 60
121 The San Antonio Auxiliary B Team No. 7 60
122 You're Not My Real Dad 60
123 Worst Orgy Ever 60
124 RKOs Out Of Nowhere! 60
125 Danger Zone!! 60
126 Nasty As We Wanna Be 59
127 OnDeck 1 59
128 Negative, I Am a Meat Popsicle 59
129 Republican Presidential Candidates 17-22 59
130 Jeff Goldblueman Group 59
131 Bacchus Laureates 59
132 SucK it Trebek 58
133 Triple Nerd Score 58
134 Money Can't Buy Knives 58
135 Easily Amused 58
136 The Ellen Degenerates 58
137 Juggalo Stepmom 58
138 Liquid Inspiration 58
139 BLACK SHEEP UNITED 58
140 I Bet You I Can Quit Gambling 58
141 Les Quizerables 57
142 Up the Poudre to the Rist 57
143 Rocky's Mountains 57
144 Suck It, Nerds! 57
145 Ambulate and Autocopulate 57
146 Nucular Quizzicists 56
147 Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution 56
148 TEAM COOTERCAT 56
149 Puppy-Monkey-Baby 56
150 Quizmodo 56
151 Fishhook Boners 56
152 Quizzin Bears 56
153 Finger Banging Judy Dench 56
154 Senor Mooseknuckle 56
155 The Team Formerly Known as Triviva... 55
156 1.21 Gigawatts of Brainpower 55
157 Harriet Tubgirl 55
158 The Wrath of Chaka Khan 55
159 Sock Cheese 55
160 Little Lebowski Urban Achievers 55
161 If Any Bottles Were Thrown, It was 6 Hours Ago 55
162 The Suppressed Prophecies of Snuggles, the Fabric Softener Bear 55
163 Just some dumb kids from the Stupid age 54
164 We're on a mission from God. 54
165 Turd Ferguson and his Cunning Stunts 54
166 Bruce Jenner's Lost Balls 54
167 It's my birthday and we'll win if we want to 54
168 Nancy Brews and the Hardy Beers 54
169 The Spanish In-Quiz-ition 54
170 Dirty Mike and the Boyz 54
171 Belgian ROFLs 54
172 Why Not Zoidberg 54
173 Literally Amazing. I Know, Right?! 53
174 Muppets of Zen 53
175 Does Oedipus Look Like A Motherfucker To You?! 53
176 Angela Lansbury is a Whore 53
177 We're number last 53
178 Tapeworms from Dune 53
179 We would fuck Philly, but life did it for us. 52
180 Sex Hamster 52
181 Why can't anyone assemble the &@#% Silver Monkey?! 52
182 The 6th Martini 52
183 Never Nudes 52
184 Team Awesome 51
185 Natural 51
186 Jeffrey Dahmer's House of Ribs 51
187 Common Cider 51
188 Put it in Abbey's Cavern 51
189 Dutch Oven Pizza Escape 50
190 The Other GOP (Geeks of Puyallup) 50
191 The Dumbleburns 50
192 Baked Mac & Cheese 50
193 Whiskey Tango Foxtrot 50
194 Hot Ham Water 49
195 Fibonacci Sequins 49
196 Pyrites of the Caribbean 48
197 FRITP 47
198 Bridge Over Trivial Water 47
199 WARNING Buried Cable 47
200 Steino's Gluten Paradox 47
201 Korben Dallas Mulitipass 46
202Turds of Prey 46
203 The Final Assclowns 46
204 Bees!? 45
205 Worst.Orgy.Ever 45
206 Daized And Confused And Others 45
207 Luke, If you act like your dad I'll cut off your legs and set you on fire. 45
208 You Can’t Tourniquet the Taint 44
209 Worst Team Ever!!! 43
210 It's a trap! 43
211 Moye White 43
212 Herpes the Love Bug 42
213 Living in a van down by the river 42
214 My Drinking Team Has A Trivia Problem 41
215 NM-pho Brainiacs 41
216 Periodic Table Dancers 41
217 No Talent Ass Clowns 41
218 The Dirty Whorecruxes 39
219 Drunk since Alburquerque 39
220 Spotted Dick in a Box 38
221 OnDeck 3 38
222 Team Team Team Cubed 37
223 Oedipus Rex: The Original Motherfucker 37
224 Straight Outta Littleton 37
225 Indominus eRexion 35
226 Tim Curry's man-eating SPACE pandas! 34
227 The Three-Must-Get-Beers times two 33
228 It’s not the Singularity Engine! Quizbot just pooped. 31