Saturday, February 20th, 2016

                             Magness Arena at the University of Denver

 

After 5 years on the road, in two different cities, Geek Bowl finally came home. Geek Bowl X was the grandest yet and only an arena could hold all of the geekiness we had in store. When the sun finally set on the evening, 228 teams, from 12 different states (and Canada), had done glorious battle, but only one rode off to Valhalla in victory with the $10,000 grand prize.

 

Before we could bowl however, we had to party. We brought our pre-party, "Fiesta de Pinata", to the home of the first three Geek Bowls, The Oriental Theater, and had the biggest, baddest birthday party ever!

 

   

 

With special appearances by Magic Cyclops, The LimbsMariachi America de Jesus and our house magician, Max Mago, we partied late into the night. We’re sure more than a couple of us woke up with smeared face paint, thanks to Snappy Face Painting, holding tightly to a raunchy balloon animal custom made for us by Gargles and Pinky the clowns.

 

Special thanks to our very own Stefani Thomas and Derek Knight for making this a reality, as well as Odell Brewing for keeping the beer flowing and Biker Jim's Dogs for the ample supply of perfectly grilled, tube-shaped, meats. 

 

After finally awaking from the pre-party hangover, nearly 1,500 geeks made the pilgrimage to the University of Denver’s Magness Arena for the start of Geek Bowl X!

 

                  

 

We kicked things off with the official Geeks Who Drink fight song lead by drum major Aaron Retka. The banners flew and the tumblers, well, tumbled as teams prepared to FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT for their shot at the nearly $20,000 prize pool.

 

                  

 

But that wasn’t all. Before we could kick things off, we had a special word from Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper.

 

 


And with that, we began the quiz with round one, ”Homecoming Dance 2016 - Hormones on Ice”. We relived some of the good, and traumatic, moments of our high school days. Then everyone made out.

 

  

With round one officially in the books, we welcomed our special guest emcee Eugene Mirman (Bob’s Burgers, Flight of the Conchords) to the stage for his opening remarks. 

 


Round Two featured our musical guests of the evening Metalachi. Since they specialize in heavy metal, we asked them to present “The Headbanger’s Other Ball.” Each of the songs from round two had a metal in its title, or the artists name. You haven’t lived until you’ve heard a heavy metal mariachi band parody a Weird Al parody of a Lorde song.

 

                    


For round 3, we welcomed Colorado Springs QMs Derek Knight and Jessica Schleiger to the stage for “A Bag of Dicks.” Things went as planned as our quizmasters asked the first 7 questions of the round. It was only then we dropped the actual bags of dicks on to each and every team’s table. You had four minutes to match each of the eight colored penis shaped candles to its smell. And with scents like Nacho Cheese, Brut and Chardonnay the room was awash in an aroma that was best described as overwhelming. It was the most frantic four minutes of dick sniffing the world has ever seen.

 

      

 

Despite olfactory fatigue, Geek Bowl X forged ahead with round 4, “Mother’s Little Helper”. Denver QMs Ellen Wuori and Jeremy Coss brought everyone back to earth with a round on parenting and mind-altering substances.

 

We finally took a much needed break, so that everyone could get a refill on their drinks. We handed the stage back to our friends in Metalachi to rock every face in the room.

 

                                   

 

After the first 4 rounds, everyone’s “favorite” team The Piccadilly Twitz had the lead. Could they hold on and take home the Geek Bowl X prize? Spoiler ALERT! No. No they couldn’t. Players looked to the jumbotron for our fifth round of the night. “X Gon’ Give It to Ya” had our players naming what item DMX had stolen from famous photos.

 

 

We welcomed Fort Collins QMs Mallory Wallace and Jenna Riedi to the stage for Round 6 Continental Fight Club”. This hifalutin round covered everything from Bertolt Brecht to Dressage and solidified that Geek Bowl X was not going to be won by the uncultured.

In our minds, the entire night had been leading up to the most expensive round in Geek Bowl history. Everyone’s eyes were back on the jumbotron of round seven “Children of Ten”.

 

 

Ten year olds, acting out movies that came out in 2006. Those kids nailed it. Especially the kid who plays Ricky Bobby in number eight. He’s officially the Geeks Who Drink spirit animal for the next year.

 

At this point in the evening it was time for our 'In Memoriam' musical tribute to the geek icons, TV shows and characters we've lost in the past year. If you're one of those annoying “spoilers” types, our video package our big “fuck you” you. As always, Bianqa LeGata, with special guests Harmony: a Colorado Chorale, nearly brought us to tears with a rendition of “My Way”. We’ll miss you Bing Bong!

 

 

After another kick ass performance by Metalachi, Bianqa LeGata and Harmony Chorale returned to stage for our tribute to our home state of Colorado.

 

 

The scores rolled and it was Poutine Clan Ain't Nothing To Fuck With in first place. In the words of Eugene Mirman. It was their's to lose….


Round eight, the decider, finally hit the stage. Denver QMs Dave DeNovellis and Mike Rucki dropped questions about anything and everything in our “Random Knowledge” round. The final answer sheets were handed in. The scorekeepers worked feverishly. Who would go home Geek Bowl champions?

And then, at long last, the final scores and winners were announced. In a tragic turn, team Canada fell to 6th place and missed being stage!

 

Chuckee Cheese Tokens (148th Place! The first ever 148th place team since the previous Geek Bowl attendance Record was 147 teams): TEAM COOTERCAT

 

Fifth Place: That’s What She Said (Austin, TX)

 

 

Fourth Place: Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain – 22 Years Sober! (Seattle, WA)

 

 

Third Place: Independence Hall & Oates (Philadelphia, PA)

 


Second Place: How I Met Your Mothra (Denver, CO)

 

                   


First Place: Shiny & Chrome (Little Rock, AR)

 

 

Afterwards, we caught up with our winners and some of the new teams on stage this year to see how they'll remember Geek Bowl X. We’ve collected a few choice bits on the experience to share with you before we hand things over to Quizbot for the stats!

 

From Lee-Ann of Shiny and Chrome on Little Rock, Arkansas:

 

Why yes, Little Rock is a hub for mega-geniuses; it's something in the agricultural runoff. But this year, our team was actually only one-third Arkansan, and one of the Arkansans is a stealth Canadian on the DL. The rest of the team are all originally based in Illinois, and are now residents of Indiana, Illinois and New Mexico.

 

 

From Adam of Poutine Clan Ain't Nothing to Fuck With on carrying the hopes and dreams of a nation:

 

I'm sure it is the same as any other team, except that we get a phone call from our handsome new Prime Minister before setting off, a crowd led by a tearful Drake meeting us at the airport, and a miniseries on the CBC. I hear I'm to be played by Paul Gross.


From Kate of That's What She Said on their favorite round:

 

"We were super psyched about the Mother's Little Helper round. That's What She Said has been playing bar trivia since 2007 as a majority-female team (this Geek Bowl roster of 50/50 M/F is an anomaly). Three of us (Kate Cecily and Robyn) have small children who have spent a lot of time at the bar while mommy plays trivia: let's just say many a bar patron in north Austin and now Seattle have seen at least one of us breastfeeding. Sometimes bar trivia can be a bit of a sausagefest (though we love the shorter ladies' room lines, don't get me wrong), so it was so lovely to get a round aimed right at us."

 
From Ed of Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain - 22 Years Sober on the In Memoriam:

 

"I especially appreciated the In Memoriam video this year, because of my personal connections to two of the honorees. Mostly regarding Gunnar Hansen (best known for playing Leatherface in the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre). Gunnar was born in Iceland, but lived in Austin for many years before moving to rural Maine. He was a great guy with great intellect, humor and kindness that belied his onscreen image. He had a few books published on diverse subjects, and I always enjoyed his visits to Austin. I was pleased to see Betsy Palmer recognized. I didn't know her well, but I got to spend several hours with her at a game show convention in Burbank about ten years ago, and I was her driver to the airport when she returned to New York. She was very warm and open to everyone. She told me to look her up the next time I was in New York, but I never did. I wonder if either Gunnar Hansen or Betsy Palmer will be included in the memorial at the Oscars this year." - We hope one, or, better yet, both make the cut at the Oscars, but we're not holding our breath.
 
From Lee-Ann of Shiny and Chrome on their winning point:
 
Given that we were only one point ahead of two other teams, it might be that the ultimate victory came from being able to identify Chromeo's "Jealous (I Ain't With It)" when played by a Heavy Metal Mariachi band. H/t to Nick for the get - we would have kicked ourselves if we missed it, with "chrome" right in our team name. Instead, we will ride eternal! WITNESS ME!

 

From Liz of Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain - 22 Years Sober on the experience:


"As far as a favorite moment, nothing can compare to being up on that stage, but I did enjoy the Children of Ten category and I thought that video bit with the governor was cute. I just thought that overall, the whole experience was so eclectic and fun. I spent an evening answering trivia questions in a hockey rink while a metal-mariachi fusion band serenaded us and Eugene Mirman emceed. I would say it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but I hope to be back next year."

 

From Anonymous from That's What She Said on dick sniffing:

 

"Oh, and the Bag o' Dicks was brilliant, but don't quote me on that."

 

PHOTO CREDITS
Fiesta de Pinata photos: Cliff Workman http://www.cliffworkman.com/​
Winners photos: Blake Rubinstein | https://www.facebook.com/GuerillaCapturing/​


Score-O-Matt-ic 9001 Series Quizbot's Geek Bowl X Round Recap


228 teams of humans entered Magness arena. I resisted the urge to eradicate you and thus Geek Bowl went on according to plan. If you're itchin' to get behind the numbers, and become one with the data, then I'm your robot. Please join me for the next two to four minutes as I break down some interesting facts behind each round of Geek Bowl X, and the contest overall.  

Round 1 – Homecoming Dance 2016 - Hormones on Ice

Round 1 averaged just over 4 pts. Were you too distracted by the magnificent performances of our geeks? Was it like holding up a mirror to your high school days? Only two teams in the room earned perfect scores in round 1, so congrats to The Guesstapo and Hobopocalypse.

Round 2 – The Headbanger's Other Ball
We welcomed Matalachi to the stage for the first time in round 2 and they brought you a round of songs and artists with metal in their names/titles. Despite 44 teams using their joker in this round, not a single team found a perfect score. This trend would hold as not a single team aced any of the three rounds worth 16 points at Geek Bowl X! The round averaged just under 9 points in the room. Turns out very few of you were fans of post-Tragic Kingdom No Doubt songs as the vast majority of teams failed to identify “Platinum Blonde Life”.

Round 3 – A Bag of Dicks
We don’t need to tell you anything about R3, since you’re likely still trying to wash the smell of Nacho Cheese and Brut out of your hair. Despite the difficulty, R3 had the highest average score of any of the night’s 16 point rounds (9 points) and 36 teams felt good enough about the round to joker it. If it makes you feel better, there was no direct correlation between dick sniffing ability and your final standing. In fact our top two teams, had the lowest scores in the round amongst teams on stage. Independence Hall and Oates scored best on the round of our top 5 teams. Make of that what you will.

Round 4 - Mother's Little Helper
After three rounds of madness, we slowed down and took a little time out with a round 4 on parenting and drugs. Teams did well in round 4 (averaging just over 5 points) and 12 teams found perfect scores and every team on stage, sans Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain – 22 Years Sober! aced the round. The one team that jokered the round was not amongst the 12 with perfect scores…

Round 5 – X Gon’ Give It to Ya
Our round 5 nearly became the greatest “Too Soon” joke in the history of the world when DMX nearly died two weeks ago. Instead it was simply one of the easier rounds of the evening. With an average of nearly 6 points, we had handful of teams joker the round to get points where they could. All but one of those teams should have jokered Round 2, 3 or 8 instead.

Round 6 - Continental Fight Club
Round 6 was, by far, the most difficult 8 point round on the quiz, with a dismal average of 4 points. Three teams found 0 points, and only 7 teams aced it. Only two of those teams that turned in perfect rounds ended up on stage though. Round 6 was the only round, besides round 1, that no team jokered.

Round 7 – Children of Ten
The front runner for the best round of Geek Bowl X was also the easiest round of the night! 38 teams knew every movie in round 7 despite them being performed by 10 year olds. It was the only 8 point round with an average score of greater than 6 points.

Round 8 - Random Knowledge
As you would expect, Round 8 was the hardest 16 point round with an average of just over 8 points. 61% of the teams in the room saved their joker for the final round (140 teams!). Every single team on stage jokered round 8. The top team to use their joker elsewhere finished in 6th.
 

Ultimate Tie-Breaker Facts!

- Closest was Shenanigans from Seattle, 9 off from the answer of 942.

- 11 teams either answered 0 or said "fuck you" or said "I hope you get AIDS".

- 25 teams would have done better if they just didn't turn the answer in or guessed 0.

- The Suppressed Prophecies of Snuggles, the Fabric Softener Bear from Wichita was the MOST wrong, missing the mark by 7,038


More Fun Facts

- No team that won money would have gotten a higher spot had they jokered different round. In other words, all of them used their joker correctly.

- The team It’s Not the Singularity Engine! Quizbot Just Pooped legitimately came in last place. I had nothing to do with it....

- By the numbers, Geek Bowl X was the most difficult to date, with no teams breaking 90 points despite having three rounds worth 16 points.

- Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain – 22 Years Sober! is the first team to playing for Seattle to make it on stage.

- There were an estimated 1840 scented dick candles handed out to teams during round 3.

Until NEXT YEAR, humans!

FINAL SCORES

 

1 Shiny and Chrome 87

2 How I Met Your Mothra 86

3 Independence Hall and Oates 86

4 Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain - 22 Years Sober! 84

5 That's What She Said 84

6 Poutine Clan Ain't Nothing To Fuck With 83

7 Denver Gonna Give You Up 82

8 Do Shut Up 81

9 Team of Enchantment 2: The New Batch 81

10 Bowlful of Jesus 80

11 Don Piano and the Long Johnsons 79

12 5 Guys, 1 Girl and No Ragrets 78

13 The Piccadilly Twitz 78

14 The Solid Gold Answers 77

15 Hobopocalypse 77

16 Lightsabermetrics 76

17 Alien vs Predator vs Brown vs Board of Education 76

18 Awkward Family Gangbang Photos 76

19 Unitarian Jihad 76

20 The 1985 Chicago Bears Shufflin' Crew 75

21 Unicorn Bukkake 75

22 Whistling Pigs Porky's Revenge 74

23 This Shit Just Got Real 73

24 Kylo Renaissance Men 73

25 Fart School for the Gifted 73

26 Featuring Drake 72

27 Kylo Ren & Stimpy 72

28 Shattered Blubber 72

29 Whirling Dervishes 72

30 Chimpanzee Amish 72

31 STEVE HARVEY CROWNED US THE WINNER OF GEEK BOWL X. PLEASE CLAP. 71

32 Incontinental Bacon 71

33 The Guesstapo 71

34 Straight Outta Three Dogs 71

35 Juggernaughty By Nature 70

36 The Sexecutioners 70

37 Swifties 70

38 You Shut Up About Girl Meets World 70

39 The Spanish In-Quiz-ition, Blazing a trail from the Dragon room to Victory 70

40 Firebreathing Sex Dragons 70

41 Michael J Fox Handjob Black Belt 70

42 So Trivia 69

43 Brannigan's Law 69

44 It's Cool to be Hip 69

45 Cannabis Popcorn 69

46 Modified Limited Rampage 69

47 Los Enanos Refinados 69

48 Irritable Vowel Syndrome 69

49 Jones thugz n harmony 68

50 Axis of C'ville 68

51 The Quizantine Empire 68

52 Drunkelstiltzken 68

53 We're with the Band 68

54 Geek Tragedy 67

55 Trump Would Screw America. And His Daughter. 67

56 Fallopian Boobs 67

57 Terminator Porn 2: We Come Again 67

58 Touched by an Uncle 67

59 I Hope My Force Won't Awake You 67

60 Carpe Scrotum 67

61 Whoa, Ninjas... 67

62 Our Steak Puns are a Rare Medium Well Done 67

63 Death Stars of David 67

64 ‪#‎NoRegerts 67

65 Exceeding Our Potential 67

66 Llama glama 67

67 Victory by Apathy 67

68 Duck Butt 66

69 Drinky & the Brains! 66

70 Six Dudes, Two Prudes 66

71 I was saying Boo-urns 66

72 Hail Satan 66

73 We Might Need to Know That 66

74 Pleasant Mother Pheasant Pluckers 66

75 The Vagicians 65

76 The Wet Bandits 65

77 Max Power 65

78 Hey Dude! Where's Jim's Car? 65

79 A Table Full of Assholes 65

80 Six But Thick 65

81 My stomach hurts, I have to go to the restroom and take a giant Trump. 65

82 The Betas 2.1 64

83 Able was I ere I saw Idris Elba 64

84 Fisted Sister 64

85 45 Characters? We only have 6 on our team. 64

86 Bitch, Peas! 64

87 Your Meat is Too Big for My Buns 64

88 Plate of Shrimp 64

89 Death by Misadventure 64

90 Super rich kids with nothing but fake friends 64

91 Ballsagna 64

92 Get Your Weed and Get the Fuck Out! 64

93 Liver Let Die 63

94 We're Nihlists, Lebowski 63

95 Pirate Geeks: Here for Your Booty 63

96 Iron Beaver 63

97 Teamy Pickles 63

98 Bing Bong Chong 63

99 The #15 Bus 63

100 Legion of Doom 62

101 Anal Sunshine When She's Gone 62

102 We're Too Drunk To Taste This Chicken 62

103 The Tickle Shits 62

104 Piggy Smalls 62

105 Lez B Honest 62

106 Rodents of the Usual Size 62

107 Seamus 62

108 Poop Schmear 61

109 The Unpleasant Pheasant Pluckers 61

110 Invertebrate Punsters 61

111 MOs, HOs, and BROs 61

112 HadrufAfricanNiteFlite&h8LuvActuallyf'nEagles 61

113 The Dan Brown Tattoos 61

114 LoveFist 61

115 Michael Bolton Wanderers 61

116 Shenanigans 60

117 Wedding Planners of Westeros 60

118 Geek Shaped Box 60

119 AN ALbum Cover 60

120 Infinite Taint 60

121 The San Antonio Auxiliary B Team No. 7 60

122 You're Not My Real Dad 60

123 Worst Orgy Ever 60

124 RKOs Out Of Nowhere! 60

125 Danger Zone!! 60

126 Nasty As We Wanna Be 59

127 OnDeck 1 59

128 Negative, I Am a Meat Popsicle 59

129 Republican Presidential Candidates 17-22 59

130 Jeff Goldblueman Group 59

131 Bacchus Laureates 59

132 SucK it Trebek 58

133 Triple Nerd Score 58

134 Money Can't Buy Knives 58

135 Easily Amused 58

136 The Ellen Degenerates 58

137 Juggalo Stepmom 58

138 Liquid Inspiration 58

139 BLACK SHEEP UNITED 58

140 I Bet You I Can Quit Gambling 58

141 Les Quizerables 57

142 Up the Poudre to the Rist 57

143 Rocky's Mountains 57

144 Suck It, Nerds! 57

145 Ambulate and Autocopulate 57

146 Nucular Quizzicists 56

147 Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution 56

148 TEAM COOTERCAT 56

149 Puppy-Monkey-Baby 56

150 Quizmodo 56

151 Fishhook Boners 56

152 Quizzin Bears 56

153 Finger Banging Judy Dench 56

154 Senor Mooseknuckle 56

155 The Team Formerly Known as Triviva... 55

156 1.21 Gigawatts of Brainpower 55

157 Harriet Tubgirl 55

158 The Wrath of Chaka Khan 55

159 Sock Cheese 55

160 Little Lebowski Urban Achievers 55

161 If Any Bottles Were Thrown, It was 6 Hours Ago 55

162 The Suppressed Prophecies of Snuggles, the Fabric Softener Bear 55

163 Just some dumb kids from the Stupid age 54

164 We're on a mission from God. 54

165 Turd Ferguson and his Cunning Stunts 54

166 Bruce Jenner's Lost Balls 54

167 It's my birthday and we'll win if we want to 54

168 Nancy Brews and the Hardy Beers 54

169 The Spanish In-Quiz-ition 54

170 Dirty Mike and the Boyz 54

171 Belgian ROFLs 54

172 Why Not Zoidberg 54

173 Literally Amazing. I Know, Right?! 53

174 Muppets of Zen 53

175 Does Oedipus Look Like A Motherfucker To You?! 53

176 Angela Lansbury is a Whore 53

177 We're number last 53

178 Tapeworms from Dune 53

179 We would fuck Philly, but life did it for us. 52

180 Sex Hamster 52

181 Why can't anyone assemble the &@#% Silver Monkey?! 52

182 The 6th Martini 52

183 Never Nudes 52

184 Team Awesome 51

185 Natural 51

186 Jeffrey Dahmer's House of Ribs 51

187 Common Cider 51

188 Put it in Abbey's Cavern 51

189 Dutch Oven Pizza Escape 50

190 The Other GOP (Geeks of Puyallup) 50

191 The Dumbleburns 50

192 Baked Mac & Cheese 50

193 Whiskey Tango Foxtrot 50

194 Hot Ham Water 49

195 Fibonacci Sequins 49

196 Pyrites of the Caribbean 48

197 FRITP 47

198 Bridge Over Trivial Water 47

199 WARNING Buried Cable 47

200 Steino's Gluten Paradox 47

201 Korben Dallas Mulitipass 46

202Turds of Prey 46

203 The Final Assclowns 46

204 Bees!? 45

205 Worst.Orgy.Ever 45

206 Daized And Confused And Others 45

207 Luke, If you act like your dad I'll cut off your legs and set you on fire. 45

208 You Can’t Tourniquet the Taint 44

209 Worst Team Ever!!! 43

210 It's a trap! 43

211 Moye White 43

212 Herpes the Love Bug 42

213 Living in a van down by the river 42

214 My Drinking Team Has A Trivia Problem 41

215 NM-pho Brainiacs 41

216 Periodic Table Dancers 41

217 No Talent Ass Clowns 41

218 The Dirty Whorecruxes 39

219 Drunk since Alburquerque 39

220 Spotted Dick in a Box 38

221 OnDeck 3 38

222 Team Team Team Cubed 37

223 Oedipus Rex: The Original Motherfucker 37

224 Straight Outta Littleton 37

225 Indominus eRexion 35

226 Tim Curry's man-eating SPACE pandas! 34

227 The Three-Must-Get-Beers times two 33

228 It’s not the Singularity Engine! Quizbot just pooped. 31

 

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