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Red's Porch
3508 S Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX 78704
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
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1:00 AM, May 22, 2013
Scores
It's Not Mad Science 82
Special Feelings for Monkeys 78
Oklahomeless 77
North Korean Vacation 74
C U Next Tuesday 73
Pit Your Shants 67
Punky Brewster's Millions 64
The Doodlers 62
Team Balloon Knot Knuckle Punch 59
Quinoa Phoenix 57
Tobias Funke's 100% Natural Good Time Family Band Solution 56
Cole 54
PiHole 52
Even Jesus Hates Oklahoma 47
You Say Tomato, I Say Tomatillo
Evan


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Quiz Schedule
Red's Porch, Tuesdays -- AND -- Waterloo Ice House Southpark Meadows, Wednesdays --- ALSO -- Black Star Co-Op, Sundays 		Evan ()

I can draw tribal tattoos and Kermit's bust. My roommate is Josh who is gayer than 2 unicorns shitting rainbows. He keeps me on my toes, and I'm always the little spoon. I also love drinking flavored vodka. With lesbians.  In a hotel room.  Til 4am.

Yes, Philip Seymour Hoffman was in Twister.  You know who else was in that one as well?  That dude who played Cameron in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.  I mean, him, and a whole gaggle of actors who are recognizable, but no one would be able to identify them by name.

 

...I mean, no one except people who actually personally know them.  And the random movie nut.

Although, I should watch what I say.  "The random movie nut" is probably an accurate description of about one-tenth of our audience.  Hell, I'm about one-tenth "random movie nut" myself!

 

All this talk of nuts is making me hungry.  My favorite nut is the cashew.  But somehow I've never had a chocolate-covered cashew.

Someone should name their team name something clever about a chocolate-covered cashew.  But, then again, unless you actually gave me some chocolate-covered cashews, I don't honestly think that's enough to get you a Best Team Name prize.

 

And that's not to say that you should try to bribe me for that prize by bringing me a bag of chocolate-covered cashews.  First of all, I'd probably just take the cashews and eat them in front of your face while I award the prize to some other team, just to see you cry.  But if you were going to try to bribe me, bags of chocolate would definitely be the way to go on that one.

 

...unless you had some frozen yogurt.

 

Now, hear me out.  I DO NOT condone bribes.  And I don't respond well to them.  I try very hard to award the prizes to the teams that deserve them, and I mean TRULY deserve them.

 

But if you brought some frozen yogurt to quiz, unmelted, untouched by toppings, in either some berry flavor or maybe birthday cake if they have it...

 

First place prize.  Right there.  To you.

 

You'd get, like, 100 extra points on the quiz.

 

The Geek in Review would be like, "and coming in with the highest score in the nation, the highest score EVER, is Team 'We'll Cashew Later' from Red's Porch, with 177 points!  ZOMG!"

 

You would be hailed as gods among geeks.  The internets would praise your name.  They Might Be Giants would write a song about you.

 

You would be... immortal.

 

 

 

...but I mean, that's if I took bribes.  Which I don't.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(What was I talking about...?)

 

 

-evan

Red's Porch
3508 S Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX 78704
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
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6:39 AM, May 15, 2013
Scores
Team Pink Velvet Sausage Wallet 80
Tennessee Strippers 77
Drugs Not Pugs 76
Bag of Dicks 75
I'm with Bandit 75
Mediocre Minds Think Alike 73
Don't Forget to Cup the Balls 73
Evan the Quizmaster 71
Can't Find Angelina's Tits on eBay 66
4 Chicks and a Dick 62
Penny-trations 51
Shire Big D 43
Jagaloons 40
Q 10
I Have a Napoleonic Complex (Which I Guess Just Means I'm a Dick for No Reason)
Evan


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Quiz Schedule
Red's Porch, Tuesdays -- AND -- Waterloo Ice House Southpark Meadows, Wednesdays --- ALSO -- Black Star Co-Op, Sundays 		Evan ()

I can draw tribal tattoos and Kermit's bust. My roommate is Josh who is gayer than 2 unicorns shitting rainbows. He keeps me on my toes, and I'm always the little spoon. I also love drinking flavored vodka. With lesbians.  In a hotel room.  Til 4am.

I still think naming your teddy bear "Muhammad" is better than naming it "Ted".

 

And I can't believe I have to remind y'all about this, but before you leave Red's after quiz, you might want to make sure you didn't win a prize.  Because the third place team left before I could shower free moneys on them.  And that is tantamount to forfeiture.

So you know, stick around for a bit after quiz.  I know it's a school night, or a work night, or a get-up-in-the-morning-to-watch-Adventure-Time-and-eat-a-whole-bag-of-Lindor-truffles-for-breakfast night, but it behooves you every now and again to pause for a moment, reflect on the night, and realize you got third place.

Then bug me for a gift card.  Because you earned it.

 

Plus, I had to give the last-place-team award to the third-to-last-place team.  Now, I don't blame losing teams for jetting out after the scores are read, but just letting those teams know...

 

...you missed out on a sweet disguise.

 

Thanks so much for spending your evening with Geeks Who Drink, and more importantly, Red's Porch.

 

And even more importantly... me.

 

 

-evan

 

 

 

P.S. Don't even try to suck up to me for next week's Best Team Name of the Night, because that shit only works once.  Kisses!

Red's Porch
3508 S Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX 78704
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
11:44 PM, May 07, 2013
Scores
The Liberace Sequence 81
Special Feelings For Monkees 80
Mother of Dragonball-Z 75
Team Pussy Motor* 75
I've Been Waiting All Day For An Excuse to Punch A Lady 72
Honey Boo Boo's Mom Got Married And I'm Still Single 71
Mediocre Minds Think Alike 68
One For The Road 68
Can I Break The No Cell Phone Rule If My Wife Is 38 Weeks Pregnant? 66
Bobblehead Muhammad 65
Ozzy's Angels 64
The Poontang Clan 59
Beandip 58
The Snozeberries Taste Like Shit 58
My Standards Are So Low The Call Me the ACL Line Up 47
Taint Cheatin 46
Souf O' Da Borda 44
My Team Shrwed Up Late 41
Peanut Gallery 39
Cholerae Jepson
Evan


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Web

Quiz Schedule
Red's Porch, Tuesdays -- AND -- Waterloo Ice House Southpark Meadows, Wednesdays --- ALSO -- Black Star Co-Op, Sundays 		Evan ()

I can draw tribal tattoos and Kermit's bust. My roommate is Josh who is gayer than 2 unicorns shitting rainbows. He keeps me on my toes, and I'm always the little spoon. I also love drinking flavored vodka. With lesbians.  In a hotel room.  Til 4am.

According to one team, Hitler's astrological sign was "Asshole".  Which explains a lot.  

Namely, why he was such an asshole.

 

 

Ozzy stopped by to help us out, and boy did we need it!  Nineteen teams, and a whole shit ton of shenanigans!  A tie for third was imminent, until we realized that one of the tied teams had more than seven peeps at their table.

What do I tell ya?  The fastest way to get disqualified may be to cheat using teh intarwebs, but the most common way is to have more than seven people.  Don't pull that shit unless you're ready to forfeit prizes!

 

By the way, did anyone notice that I curse more when Ozzy's around?  I think he's a bad influence on me.  Which means I should probably invite him to quiz more often.

 

 

Oh, and next time you're at karaoke (or, more wisely, next time you snag your own private karaoke room), go ahead and put on "Strokin'," by Clarence Carter.  Fun times to be had by all, no doubt!

 

 

Come back next week and quiz it up with us!

 

-evan and ozzy

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