Evening/Morning/Whenever the hell you read this, my Divine Opals!

It’s Ron (a.k.a. Boy Evelyn, a.k.a. Old Balls) here to recount this evening’s festivities.  It’s not often that the backup squad is called in to host The Big Show (which I lovingly refer to the Marina quiz as), but Evan (a.k.a. Boy Chelsea, a.k.a. Hairy Balls) and I did our damndest to do the old girls proud with our efforts.  In my humble opinion, as long as there wasn’t an out-and-out revolt against us (which El Paso tried to give us), we would consider the evening a roaring success!  And with almost 40 teams in attendance, we were glad to see that you guys were willing to ride with us tonight as well.

In honor of our sexy man on man quiz appearance, we decided to go all Ass and Willies on the quiz tonight.  We also took a tour thru the central time zone which begs the question why is Texas in the southwest and not the south central?  Are we worried about Bloods and Crips?  Because if that’s the case, I’ve studied up on my rival gang signs and know exactly what to flash and when to flash it.  (I now defy you not to think about me flashing my Old Balls.)  We also ran through some of the dirtiest Olympic sports and some MILF-y cartoon moms… and a note for whoever put this round together: if you really think Peggy Hill is boneable, you need therapy.  Nancy Hicks-Gribble, maybe, but Peggy Hill?  Oof.

The more things change (me and Evan), the more they stay the same (Freaks Who Drink FTW).  But it was a dogfight for second place, as three teams finished within a point of the runner up spot!  Taking the honor of second tonight were the folks of the intolerantly friendly Racist Compliment.  That left us with a tiebreaker for third that went to the smart kids from Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Jarvis, who edged out Pea Chaynis for the $10 prize.  It’s worth noting that both 2^nd and 3^rd place teams came from the newer side patio at Opal’s.  And you guys should know I had a spy back there the whole time making sure you didn’t cheat so thanks for keeping it clean!

And one last thing before I turn the blog over the Evan… thanks to the management and staff here at Opal’s for giving me a second shot at the big time after suffering through horrible laryngitis three months ago.  It’s amazing how decent the quiz sounds when it’s not being administered by Harvey Firestein!

EVAN'S RANT CORNER

Maybe it's due to the fact that I have been under the weather lately.  Maybe it's because I'm not used to dealing with 37-team quizzes (the venue I've been at for the past two years averages 7).  Maybe I'm PMSing (editorial note: he was), getting my panties in a wad, or whatever other chauvinistic euphemism you'd prefer.  But the fact is, I feel like a good rant.

First of all, for round five, your visual round, in front of every single answer (i.e. the pill name) there were little letters.  Lo and behold, there were also numbers next to the pictures.  So, let's put our public school educations to use and utilize a little analogy.  The numbers are to the letters as the pictures are to the words.  So therefore, you probably should have thought about including the corresponding LETTERS in your answer, or at least somewhere on your answer sheets.

Secondly, as you might already be aware, judging from my crotchetiness, I am an old, old man (editorial note: I’m older than you.  How the fuck do you think that makes ME feel?!?) .  Maybe not so old in years, but on the inside I am a bitter old senile psychopath who’s only deterrent for killing other people is the fact that he can't muster the energy.  So please, especially when you're writing the bonus question answer in a dimly-lit bar, write like you're emulating those huge-ass remote controls they make for the elderly.  Save your hobbit-handwriting for your Dungeon and Dragon and your War of Worldcraft.

And finally, if you can't spell a word or name without looking it up, don't use it in your team name!  I appreciate your topical references, but her name is McKayla, not Makayla-- I fixed it in the answer sheets (because I'm an anal-retentive asshole), but let's not have that happen again, you lazy whippersnappers!

That is all.  I feel like taking a nap.  Please return to your regularly-scheduled substitute Quizmaster.  Because he's a lot nicer than I am!

Holy shitballs, Evan!!!  It’s not healthy to hold in that kind of rage!  And also, I think you owe everyone who just read that a buck for being your involuntary blog therapist.  Pretty sure we just caught you on a bad day, but the good news is you didn’t murder anyone!  Especially me, since I was your closest target for the majority of the night.  Also, my bad for not telling all the bonus beer participants who you were.  I mean, I know who you are, so I just assume they do, too!

Now since this blog is quickly approaching a thousand words, and since we don’t get paid by the length of it, it’s time to say our goodbyes.  Evelyn and Chelsea will be back next week, so get ready to welcome them back with open arms.  And if I can leave you with one thought it would be don’t get too close to Evan, because he will totally bite you.

Until next time, happy quizzing!