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The Highball
1142 S Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX 78704
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12:04 AM, June 18, 2012


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Scores

Death by stage collapse? Radiohead 1, Sugarland 6	86

Dad Ray Egon	82

Hop on Pop: Unrated Edition	79

We've got daddy issues!	78

Bleeding Buns Murphy (bar team)	66

So did John wake up in a dumpster or what	65

Hermionephrodite	62

Battle Royale with Cheese	61

Rubber Ducky	58

Jesus Tittie Fucking Christ	56

Team Apollo	55

Meatball	53

Egyptian Cotton	46

Young Offenders	43

I just quizzed in my pants	43

Rocket Sauce	43

One Legged Donkey	27

My Daddy Gave Me A Quiz, Then He Walked Away

James Sterling Pound

Oh boy, you guys certainly made your dads proud tonight. Many inappropriate rounds tonight to play as a family, and there were a number of families, but I didn't see a single walk out so good for you and your open minded parents.

While John was puzzling over the plot of Snow Dogs (how does one inherit sled dogs exactly?), I was more curious about the other cast members assembled for that masterpiece. Can you image the conversations over catering among James Coburn (The Great Escape), Nichelle Nichols (OG Uhura), Brian Doyle-Murray (Bills brother), Michael Bolton (shitty music, GWD audio rounds), and Sisqo (Thong Song)?! Oh to be a fly on the ass of a husky on that set!

Allow me to break down what kind of person you lost your virginity to track by track from Round Two:

-Mazzy Star “Fade Into You” - they probably just lazily laid there and might've been half asleep during it

-Boyz II Men “I'll Make Love To You” - might've claimed to be a virgin too, but somehow seemed more experienced than you...

-Sade “No Ordinary Love” - the older lover

-Bjork “Big Time Sensuality” - you were on X, she doesn't remember your name either

-U2 “All I Want Is You” - Ethan Hawke or Winona Ryder look-a-like if you were lucky, regardless, they smelled like cigarettes

-Madonna “Erotica” - you woke up slightly bruised and had to beg for the keys to the handcuffs

-Seal “Kiss From A Rose” - you ignored them and fantasized about Val Kilmer (applicable to girls and guys), so by proxy you popped your cherry with Val

-Fiona Apple “Criminal” - still doing your weekly sessions with the shrink over the innocence they stole

So that Audio Round, the people high on drugs Visual Round, and the one about erections might've been awkward to have dear old mom an dad around for, BUT I'm positive the teams with older members playing were the ones high-fiving the most after the TAXI Round and the LBJ questions. My favorite mom moment of the evening was in Round Eight when John gave the extra hint of what a hobo's bag is called, saying it's also an old term for a cocaine baggy, to which a mother exclaimed, “OH, a BINDLE!” Only to then clutch her mouth and try to hide her redding face from her shocked children. Amazing.

Then we had a dirty joke contest that was semi-officiated by the fathers of the house. Nasty, filthy things were said in front of family members, jaws dropped and knees were slapped. Our crown jewel joke went something like this: “How can you tell when your sister is on her period? . . . When daddy's dick taste like blood.” Michael McDonald was appalled, yet somehow approving, Smokey wouldn't admit to laughing, and Pops #3 was somewhat speechless. Keepin it classy Highball.

So, a lot of great family bonding tonight with some quiz in there too. Join us again Wednesday and/or next Sunday for more totally wrong, but so very right moments!

9 out of 10 Dads agree, www.facebook.com/geekshighball is the place to be. But y'know what, fuck that other dad, he's a deadbeat.