138 W Gray St
Houston, TX 77019
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Suck it, Pitbull.
What is the area of a football field? Go ahead, look it up. Internet says 100 yards by 160 feet, so 48,000 square feet, right? But what if we asked that same question to an ant, who can walk up and down blades of grass? The ant would have to determine the cumulative surface area of all the blades of grass on the field, and that area would be much larger than our 48,000 square feet. So which answer is correct? You decide, and put your answer in the comments.
The point is, measurment depends on scale, or resolution. So some asshole might say "Will, last week you had 7 teams, and this week you only had 5. Why are you such a handsome loser?" Sure, we may have had fewer total teams this week, but we set records for number of participants (thanks Fashionably Late!), average team size, and amount of food horked down. So while there was no Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Arithmetic Progress, progress nonetheless occurred.
To wit, this week excessively large female genetalia was drawn with entirely too much care on answer sheets. Along with some anime-style wieners, sure, but still, PROGRESS!
Thanks to Fashionably Late and I Threw That Bitch Out Of Her Car And Then Ran Her Over for bringing new people into the fold. Fashionably Late showed up stupidily late and missed the rule about 6 people per team, so they only earned negative points. But if you look at their team photo, you can tell that there are no hard feelings. I Threw That Bitch took best team name for having the best-and-only-but-still-best team name that was a dirty reference to a video game. However, that name wasn't I Threw That Bitch . . ., it was their backup name, For A Quarter I Will Eat Balls Until I Die.
Franky's Little Boys declined having their photo taken, but did hang out in the corner all night, where they earned the last place prize. Massage Parlor Conspiracy took second, entirely due to the efforts of a single person. First Place team Satan's Pineapple, congrats on winning your first time out and on having your whole team in the picture.
Next week the AFOAITFOAP will go to the 9th place team, and Best Team Name will be the best stripper name for the Pope. Make me laugh.