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Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT 84115
Wednesdays: 7:30 PM
Sundays: 7:30 PM
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12:02 PM, September 27, 2012
Scores
Butt drunk love 79
Jazz hands, the Michael J. Fox story 79
Chicks, dicks, and Stevie Nicks 78
Green Bay had it coming, he was safe 77
The Foreign Objects 75
He told me GRINDR is an app for coffee beans 73
Sarcastic Sasquatch 70
Scruffy looking nerf herders 70
Oops, my mistake-in first place: team awesome 69
Jesus Mitt, put some clothes on 68
NFL replacement refs: still more popular popular than Romney 68
Comfortably dumb 66
Int'l bacon shortage; 2012 really is the end of the world 66
Honey Boo Boo is pregnant with Nick's 2-headed love child 66
Tender loving boners 63
I turned Honey Boo Boo into honey yum yum 63
Trivia whores 61
I'll build my own trivia team with blackjack and hookers, in fact, forget the trivia team 61
Swing states for Darth Vader 60
Donating plasma for money equals exactly 4 drinks 58
Ahmenidajad's Jewish son 52
Just trying to beat the 53% that matter 48
In fourth place is in second place is in fifth place 46
Kill your television, it's defective
Doctor Nick: Thymelord


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Quiz Schedule
Sundays & Wednesdays: Piper Down 7:30pm. 		Nick (Doctor Nick: Thymelord)

Nick is one of the rare people who was born in Las Vegas long before it became Disneyland for degenerates. His growing discomfort for heat, and ongoing feud with some Canadian boy named Celine Dion led him to the land of Zion. Upon discovering this wasn't the same land of Zion mentioned in The Matrix, he decided to make the best of the situation and began hosting pub quizzes. 

His hobbies include drinking, eating, teaching children to swear, cooking, and being one of the last people on earth who thinks CDs are the only way to buy music. His turnoffs are walks on the beach, because that combines sun, sand, and countless bacterias growing in the moist heat. 

By day he looks at an endless supply of MBA student assignments and weeps for the future. His most recent inappropriate comment to a student was, "I could take your business proposal to run an armoury for Live-Action-Role-Players seriously if it wasn't for the 793 grammatical errors which impeded my giggling."

He's not a licensed therapist, but he's happy to take a look inside your head and solve your problems. Better yet, come out to a quiz and drink your troubles away.

[this space available for expensive advertisements]

Once upon a time, there was a cable channel called The Learning Channel. It played educational programming, documentaries, and other shows which had some resemblance of intelligent life on earth.

Then they were obviously taken over by insane dingos with no morals whatsoever, and there were train-wrecks of shows like Jon & Kate Plus 8, King of the Crown, and Toddlers and Tiaras...

STOP IT! No! This is not appropriate for any age, race, or species! If you are watching any of this shit, you should have your television taken away and the remote control shoved so far up your ass that it requires invasive surgery to make you shit normal again. This garbage is the primary reason that our world sucks. One person watching Toddlers and Tiaras is equivalent to 100 men clubbing 100 baby seals while eating Big Macs littering styrofoam into the ocean.

This Honey Boo Boo shit must stop! What is so wrong with humanity that we enjoy watching human train-wrecks and elevating them to the status of celebrity? If we were actually watching train-wrecks, that would be more intellectually stimulating because at least we would witness the science of physics, mechanics, and pyrotechnics.

If you are watching TLC or any of these reality exploitation-mockery shows (yes, American Idol audition episodes count!), you must stop now! If you know someone who is watching these shows, give them an intervention immediately and get them away from these abortions of human intellect. I still have just a glimmer of hope for this country, but if we don't stop this decline to complete and total retardation of our intelligence then the terrorists should win.

You know who is smart enough to not waste their time with this nonsense? Butt Drunk Love and Jazz Hands: The Michael J. Fox Story. These two teams squeaked by the rest of the competition and tied for the first place spot. After a sudden death round, they tied again with 3 points a piece. It came down to one impossible math question, where Jazz Hands was within 60,000 to the exact answer, but Butt Drunk Love was only about 46,000 away.

See you kids next time, but more importantly, friends don't let friends support bad television!