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Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT 84115
Wednesdays: 7:30 PM
Sundays: 7:30 PM
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11:35 AM, July 26, 2012
Scores
I HAVEN'T SEEN BATMAN YET, I'M WAITING FOR THE CROWD TO DIE DOWN 82
PERPETUAL MOTION SQUAD (WE GO ALL NIGHT) 79
FRANCH 79
RIDE SALLY RIDE, BUT ONLY IF YOU'RE A LADY 78
LEFT HANDED LESBIANS CAN'T SCISSOR 78
ROCKET SURGEONS 76
DEEP IMPACT IN MY SUPERMASSIVE BLACK HOLE 75
SPOILER ALERT: MEMENTO MOVES BACKWARDS; HE KILLED HIS SLUTTY WIFE 75
GUAC GUAC. WHO'S THERE? A DELICIOUS DIP! 72
ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR SPACE LESBIANS 71
LANDO'S CALZONE RISES AGAIN 71
MY GF IS THE DRUNK ONE 70
GOATSE-MAN 69
GALI'FUCKIN'FREYANS 69
JARED'S BAR WHORES 68
TINY BABY 66
WHERE'S BRIGG? 66
VETO 58
I DON'T ALWAYS WATCH FOX NEWS, BUT WHEN I DO, IT'S ON COMEDY CENTRAL 57
DECORATRON OF INDEPENDENCE 56
THUNDER PUNCH 55
THIS IS EASY, LIKE YOUR MOM 53
PIZZA PALS 51
4 GUYS, 1 STEIN 47
AUDIENCES BLOWN AWAY BY THE DARK KNIGHT RISES 33
STORRS 32
POLIO 31
Special message from Nick Johnson...
Boba Fatt


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Quiz Schedule
The Devil's Daughter- Mondays @ 8pm Willies- Wednesdays @ 7:30pm 		Jesse Brake (Boba Fatt)

I'm a former body piercer and radio personality from South Carolina. Growing up in the Deep South, I learned early on that everyone was a piece of shit and the only things deserving of my love were basset hounds and terrible music.

I moved to Utah in 2005 and became an AFTDA certified roller derby announcer, as well as "King of Blog Shit Mountain" for Geeks Who Drink.

To My Piper Down quizzers,

Sorry I wasn't at quiz last night, but I'm currently in Tennessee spreading the Geeks empire. My lovely Amy is with me and we're having a wonderful time! Jesse is typing this blog for me because I'm so balls out wasted, I can't remember my login (sucks) or your faces (bonus).

Mostly, I'm having a wonderful time, because I'm sick of you fucking people. Do you know how hard it is to do four quizzes a week? Yeah, that's what I was at up until this week! IT'S ALMOST LIKE A REAL JOB! Well, except no health care benefits, which is why I need a break because dealing with some of you makes my blood pressure do this weird thing where I want to smash your faces back into the jejunely primordial frothiness that makes up your physical existence. You make Jesus want to be uncrucified for the sin of your being.

***

Sorry, I took a small break there to enjoy beer without having to be in the same bar as you. This motherfucker knows why the caged bird sings! Well, instead of overcoming racism, I'm overcoming you. YOU.

Well, I left my quiz in the capable hands of one of the smartest and funniest guys I know, Jesse AKA Boba Fatt. We do quiz a little bit different. Small things like, he asks for repeats. I did at one time, but your mewling was beginning to crush my heart like a singularity event. The event horizon was going to be me eventually soaking the answer sheets in pure capsaicin and drying them with brushed poison oak. Also, he finishes the quiz at exactly two hours, as apposed to two and a half. It isn't that I'm not as fast or efficient as him, it's that sometimes after I've read your answers, I enter this self-imposed fugue state to escape the glimpse of cosmic blight that is your mind I've been exposed to. Your thought process is something out of Lovecraft: a gurgling, boundless confusion that dwells in the center of infinite ordinary. Think I'm over reacting? Well after one night hosting Piper, Jesse's teeth are trying to gnash at his brain. Do you comprehend the sheer visceral reaction a body must have to attempt to end itself in such a fashion?

Anyway, I'll be back on Sunday...sigh. Pearls, meet swine.

-Nick Johnson

Congratulations to I HAVEN'T SEEN BATMAN YET, I'M WAITING FOR THE CROWD TO DIE DOWN for first place and PERPETUAL MOTION SQUAD (WE GO ALL NIGHT) for second after an audio tiebreaker. See you next week (Thor help me)!