1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT 84115
Wednesdays: 7:30 PM
Sundays: 7:30 PM
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To My Piper Down quizzers,
Sorry I wasn't at quiz last night, but I'm currently in Tennessee spreading the Geeks empire. My lovely Amy is with me and we're having a wonderful time! Jesse is typing this blog for me because I'm so balls out wasted, I can't remember my login (sucks) or your faces (bonus).
Mostly, I'm having a wonderful time, because I'm sick of you fucking people. Do you know how hard it is to do four quizzes a week? Yeah, that's what I was at up until this week! IT'S ALMOST LIKE A REAL JOB! Well, except no health care benefits, which is why I need a break because dealing with some of you makes my blood pressure do this weird thing where I want to smash your faces back into the jejunely primordial frothiness that makes up your physical existence. You make Jesus want to be uncrucified for the sin of your being.
Sorry, I took a small break there to enjoy beer without having to be in the same bar as you. This motherfucker knows why the caged bird sings! Well, instead of overcoming racism, I'm overcoming you. YOU.
Well, I left my quiz in the capable hands of one of the smartest and funniest guys I know, Jesse AKA Boba Fatt. We do quiz a little bit different. Small things like, he asks for repeats. I did at one time, but your mewling was beginning to crush my heart like a singularity event. The event horizon was going to be me eventually soaking the answer sheets in pure capsaicin and drying them with brushed poison oak. Also, he finishes the quiz at exactly two hours, as apposed to two and a half. It isn't that I'm not as fast or efficient as him, it's that sometimes after I've read your answers, I enter this self-imposed fugue state to escape the glimpse of cosmic blight that is your mind I've been exposed to. Your thought process is something out of Lovecraft: a gurgling, boundless confusion that dwells in the center of infinite ordinary. Think I'm over reacting? Well after one night hosting Piper, Jesse's teeth are trying to gnash at his brain. Do you comprehend the sheer visceral reaction a body must have to attempt to end itself in such a fashion?
Anyway, I'll be back on Sunday...sigh. Pearls, meet swine.
Congratulations to I HAVEN'T SEEN BATMAN YET, I'M WAITING FOR THE CROWD TO DIE DOWN for first place and PERPETUAL MOTION SQUAD (WE GO ALL NIGHT) for second after an audio tiebreaker. See you next week (Thor help me)!