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Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT 84115
Wednesdays: 7:30 PM
Sundays: 7:30 PM
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12:46 PM, July 19, 2012
Scores
Homiciders and Orgiers 81
Boy Scouts of America: Webloes, but not if you're gay 78
Snape kills Batman 74
Spoiler Alert: Bane breaks Batman's back 72
In other news, Westboro Baptists gunned down by Rambo 71
Invisible vapor 71
It's only gay if... you cum 70
Hippie Longstocking 65
Left Handed Lesbians can't scissor 60
The long dick of the law 59
The 7 Habits of highly effective zombies 57
I don't care, you decide, AKA the Assholes 56
Quiz in my pants 54
Michael Keaton's Bat Nipples (team Bat Nips) 50
Goldeneye 39
Napoleon Bonerparts 34
Productivity advice for the recently deceased
Doctor Nick: Thymelord


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Quiz Schedule
Sundays & Wednesdays: Piper Down 7:30pm. 		Nick (Doctor Nick: Thymelord)

Nick is one of the rare people who was born in Las Vegas long before it became Disneyland for degenerates. His growing discomfort for heat, and ongoing feud with some Canadian boy named Celine Dion led him to the land of Zion. Upon discovering this wasn't the same land of Zion mentioned in The Matrix, he decided to make the best of the situation and began hosting pub quizzes. 

His hobbies include drinking, eating, teaching children to swear, cooking, and being one of the last people on earth who thinks CDs are the only way to buy music. His turnoffs are walks on the beach, because that combines sun, sand, and countless bacterias growing in the moist heat. 

By day he looks at an endless supply of MBA student assignments and weeps for the future. His most recent inappropriate comment to a student was, "I could take your business proposal to run an armoury for Live-Action-Role-Players seriously if it wasn't for the 793 grammatical errors which impeded my giggling."

He's not a licensed therapist, but he's happy to take a look inside your head and solve your problems. Better yet, come out to a quiz and drink your troubles away.

[this space available for expensive advertisements]

I put off my insensitive jokes for a few days after the death of Stephen Covey. Although I had hoped for more riffing on the recently deceased in the team names, at least one team managed to support my mocking of the productivity blowhard. 7 Habits of Highly Effective Zombies, my hat is off to you. 

See, Mr. Covey made millions of dollars doing what I would consider to be swindling people with his "secrets of success." If he were an honest man, all his success could be summarized by saying that he is successful by preying on everyone's desire to be better at their work. 

Yes, that's what we, as a society, need more of. Being workaholics. Slaving away to an unappreciative employer day after day, not having any free time, and being so insanely stressed that when we find we have a few moments to ourselves, we're incapable of functioning in any productive way. So what do we do? Read a shitty book about some douchebag's theories which will provide even less true enjoyment in life? 

Listen, having a moment to read is an incredible luxury these days, and some cheaply written self-help book is the last thing on earth you should be wasting that time on. 

Instead, enjoy life, find things which make you happy, stay out of debt, and maintain some resemblance of freedom to control your own destiny. 

And for fuck's sake, hang out in a pub a few times a week, socializing with new and old friends. That's the real meaning of life. 

Well, that and 42.

It may have seemed like a lighter night at Piper Down, but there was no lack of intensity in the competition. It was great seeing some new teams put up a great fight. The win was well-deserved for Homiciders and Orgiers, whom I believe are a first-time winner. Just behind them, a bit of a super-team of past champions, Boy Scouts of America: Webloes, but not if you're gay. 

Love you guys, be excellent to each other.