Round 1: Ma’am-Agrams

Comment: Somebody wondered if the anagram was “Pet anal ninja too” or “Pet anal ninja two,” as if there were a first part in the Pet Anal Ninja saga.

Top Score: 8 (Trivial League of Trivia, Honey Badgers)

Bottom Score: 5

Round 2: Euro-Trashed Rock

Comment: For some reason, one team kept writing down New Kids on the Block. I mean, NKOTB rules, but they don’t rule that hard.

Top Score: 12

Bottom Score: 2 

Round 3: Britney or Christina?

Comment: Nothing makes me happier than playing Christina Aguilera’s “Reflection” on repeat, just to annoy all my quizzers for the joy of one.

Top Score: 8 (Goblin is Nilbog Spelled Backwards)

Bottom Score: 2

Round 4: ZZ/Top

Comment: As I told my quizzers, you can buy a double-disc DVD of Over the Top/Demolition Man for $5 at Target. THAT’S A DEAL.

Top Score: 7 (Hjarta Heroes, Trivial League of Trivia, Forty Two, The HDC)

Bottom Score: 4

Round 5: Loose Canons

Comment: One of our quizzers is a Sunday school teacher. There was no chance.

Top Score: 8 (Trivial League of Trivia, Forty Two, Goblin is Nilbog Spelled Backwards, The Ghosterzzz)

Bottom Score: 4

Round 6: You Call That a First? This is a First

Comment: Dude, way harsh Heath Ledger joke. Way harsh. But perfect.

Top Score: 8 (Hjarta Heroes)

Bottom Score: 5

Round 7: Go Fuck Yourself, San Diego

Comment: No comment. Fish fish candy farts ectoplasm sharp lawn darts.

Top Score: 7 (Hjarta Heroes, Trivial League of Trivia, Goblin is Nilbog Spelled Backwards, The Seaward, The Ghosterzzz, The HDC)

Bottom Score: 3

Round 8: Random Knowledge

Comment: Here’s some random knowledge: Cats sneeze out their butts.

Top Score: 10 (Hjarta Heroes)

Bottom Score: 4

I’ve been reading a lot of F. Scott Fitzgerald recently. I made a Mad Lib of the last page of The Great Gatsby, my wife and cats participated, and I apologize in advance.

--

Most of the great steamy buns were closed now and there were hardly any hot dogs except the shadowy, moving glow of a nacho across the Sound. And as the wheelchair rose higher the shimmering cat began to swim until gradually I became aware of the soft boots here that flowered once for purple computer’s carpet sock—a dry, broken tooth of the new world. Its funky screws, the trumpets that had made way for Gatsby’s monkey, had once barked in cashews to the last and greatest of all human dreams; for a transitory enchanted moment Billy Bob must have held his nutsack in the presence of this pillowfight, compelled into an eerie boxcutter he neither quickly nor stupidly, face to face for the last time in history with something commensurate to his capacity for beans.

And as I sat there, brooding on the harsh Lithuanian linoleum, I thought of Gatsby’s wang dang doodle when he first picked out the globular Snapple cap at the end of Daisy’s tinkletaint. He had come a long way to this cream-covered wasteland and his tailfeather must have seemed so pungent that he could hardly fail to swizzle it. He did not know that it was already behind him, somewhere back in that vast obscurity beyond the goosebutts, where the expansive gourd of the poached quail egg rolled on under the night.

Gatsby believed in the swift tromboning, the delicious Fraggles that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will eat candy faster, fistbang out our arms farther. . . . And one fine morning—

So we beat off, boats against the fungus, borne back ceaselessly into your butt.

I don’t need to bore you with the context, but I hosted a non-GWD show last night. A show that involved naked human trees, a priest having sex with the “Not So Virgin Anymore” Mary statue, butterflies of love, beatnik covers of early-‘90s hip-hop songs, tales of Beat poets and father figures and getting high while hiking, and one massive vagina made of cloth. This is what I do when I’m not around you sensible people. So got-dang it, I’m tired. Surprise. Once again, I’m tired as balls for pub quiz. This is what happens when I choose to do a Monday night event every week. I’m not complaining, don’t get me wrong, because GWD rules and it shall continue to be a bright spot in my week. But doing two days crammed with full-time work and two hosting gigs at the same time, when I SHOULD be watching Mad Men, can certainly take its toll.

But here are dead-tired thoughts, directly from me to you:

-Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure is in my top 10 films ever. It is the best historical epic in all of film. You will bow down.

- Growing up, I was far more familiar with the Ghostbusters cartoon show than I was with the first film. This is why, around age 12, I rewatched the first film and wondered why Slimer was being such a dick.

-Empire Records is actually a really depressing film. Everybody’s still fucked by the end of the movie, but whatever. Just listen to music and dance, I suppose. Still, that’s one killer soundtrack.

-“Ghetto Supastar” was the lead single from the Bulworth soundtrack. While I think it’s a good ‘90s hip-hop song (with such a strange source), all it does is make me wish Warren Beatty were still making films. His last one can’t be Town & Country, can it? COME BACK TO US! WE MISS YOU!

-Four Square, as a game, sucks, only because other kids in elementary school used it exclusively as an opportunity to hit me with their balls. … you know what I mean.

-“Ayejushwah.” – Sylvester Stallone, Judge Dredd

• The Royal Hilltop - Aurora 8:00 PM
• Darcy's Bistro & Pub - Denver 8:30 PM
• Prickly Pete's - Denver 8:00 PM
• The Whiskey Bar - Denver 7:00 PM
• The Cheeky Monk - Westminster 9:00 PM
• The Ram (Meridian) - Meridian 9:00 PM
• Lisa's Restaurant & Lounge - Augusta 7:30 PM
• Opal Divine's (Marina) - Austin 10:00 PM
• Opal Divine's (Penn Field) - Austin 10:00 PM