The Drag Bar
2324 Guadalupe St
Austin, TX 78705
Tuesdays: 7:00 PM
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If you were a modern iteration of the Hulk, which Hulk would you be?
Would you be a sexy Hulk in the vein of Eric Bana, hoping to god that the Academy will recognize your work in Munich despite the fact that you're currently playing a comic book character - and not even in a Chris Nolan movie - whose English doesn't include the use of transitive verbs?
Would you be a brooding, smart-guy Hulk who really plays the part with a little too much of that blatant Ed Norton quality for audiences to be able to suspend their disbelief, since all they can think about when they see you onscreen is your heel connecting with the back of a dude's head and creating that hideous, unforgettable crunching sound?
Or would you be a guy-next-door Hulk like Mark Ruffalo, goofing your way through Joss Whedon's intolerable dialogue and trying to stand out just enough so that oodles of moviegoers will remember you for more than the fact that you were hands-down the least attractive member of the cast?
Because you see, quizzers, your quizmaster is the kind of Hulk who line-edits Australian magazines each Tuesday while forcing down mug after mug of what is essentially tan water from a Flavia machine, just to maintain enough energy come evening to make it up the stairs of Austin's Pizza and release that verdant tangle of muscle upon you, the waiting horde. And out come the insults, the swears, the general don't-give-a-fuckness one might attribute to a Prince Harry or an Amanda Bynes but certainly not to someone they raised as their own daughter or with whom they work by day in a humble office park.
But, you know, it's a good thing that my mother and also my coworker Rich were at quiz this week to witness for themselves what happens when my inner Bruce Banner recedes into the background for the night. What stronger desire does man hold than the need for a complete understanding of one's self by those who inhabit her life? Plus, bartender Giovanni hit on my mom, which I'm sure just made her day.
Don't forget important things, kids. Last night I forgot to take pictures of you guys and now you have nothing to look at but that generic Geeks Who Drink logo over there where the slideshow should be. Don't be like me - remind yourself every day this week that from now on, quiz at Varsity Bar starts at 7pm. And check out the Facebook page.