Oh man, last night's quiz has changed my life. I went and visited all of these amazing subreddits! Some nice folks on "Ask a Shitty Doctor" helped me clear up the syphilis I caught during one of my famous "bathroom breaks". "Explain it like I'm Five" has helped me understand where babies come from (ewwww, btw). "Gentleman Boners" showed me that a woman can look good even when not drenched in horse urine (Who'd'a thunk it.) I will have no more lonely nights now that "Earth Porn" has shown me the delights of sticking my wiener into dirt. "Random Acts of Amazon" bought me that liver I've been needing all these years (L'Chaim!) And thanks to "Shitting Advice", I'm finally able to take (leave?) a decent shit. If only I knew of a posh public restroom to do my business in... Anyway those fucker's in I Wish This Microphone Was a Penis (haha, assholes) managed to find their way into third place even with prodigal son Patrick weighing them down again. First place went to *Sudden Death* (oddly, no one died) Trivia Patriots a 501(c)(4) Non-Profit swept that round taking first place! Whose Quiz is it Anyway finished up just behind them. Until next time, take care of yourself, and each other.

Oh man, I caught me a gnarly case of the hematoma tonight at the quiz. BTW, thanks for the fancy word for it, West Point FuckFacers. Personally I would have just called it an owwie. I went to toe to toe with the edge of that counter and I'd like to think it was a draw. Luckily Dana and Steve poured me some nice strong drinks and sent me off with an ice pack, so I really can't tell if this wooziness and lack of coordination is from the booze or the head trauma. From what I can remember, FML :-( kicked your asses again. You guys are gluttons for punishment. And we had what was supposed to be a Twerk-Off for second place... it looked more like the epileptic wing of the nut house. For the record, this is what twerking actually looks like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1EbsuS_pnQ. If these kids can do it, you can, too (especially if you name your team after the move, Twerkin' Hard or Hardly Twerkin'). Congratulations to Nicole for winning the non-twerk-off... And major kudos to Your momma can't wrestle but you should see her box for winning both money and the coolest name of the night. See ya next week if I don't die in my sleep.

Who'd've thunk knowing all about putting wiener's in bums could lead to prizes in bars... wait, that makes perfect sense. You guys didn't do all that great, but I guess practical knowledge doesn't always translate to the written page. Overall it was quite a battle. New comers XXX (editors note: to be pronounced in Spanish) got right into the money. Knox's Sex Devils got an unexpected second place (cheating I assume). And perennial first placers STFU... did their usual thing. Meanwhile, people were blowing shit up down the street, guess that's pretty fun, too!

• O'Brien's on Wilshire Irish Pub & Restaurant - Santa Monica 7:00 PM
• Brendan's 404 - Denver 7:30 PM
• Goosetown Tavern - Denver 7:00 PM
• The Mayor of Old Town - Fort Collins 8:00 PM
• Bruno's Tavern - New Orleans 7:00 PM
• White Horse Tavern - Allston 8:00 PM
• The First Printer - Cambridge 7:30 PM
• Costello's Tavern - Jamaica Plain 8:00 PM
• O'Niell's Pub - Albuquerque 8:00 PM
• O'Possum's Pub - Murfreesboro 8:00 PM
• Black Star Co-Op - Austin 8:00 PM
• El Mercado - Austin 7:30 PM
• Strange Brew - Austin 7:00 PM
• Zio Carlo Magnolia Brew Pub - Fort Worth 7:00 PM
• Piper Down - Salt Lake City 7:30 PM
• Quarter Lounge - Seattle 8:00 PM
• Capital Tap Haus - Madison 7:00 PM