Teller's Taproom & Kitchen
1990 Youngfield Street
Lakewood, CO 80215
Mondays: 8:00 PM
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Once upon a time there was a beautiful pub quiz that had eight beautiful rounds and lots of beautiful quizzers. The quiz was happy, as all quizzes are, but even happier than most, because this week was special. This week, the traveling circus, led by quizmaster Logan, rolled into town! The rounds and the quizzes and especially the pub quiz itself were all sunshine and lollipops and other sorts of happy shit... I mean. Happy things. Don't tell your mother I said that.
What happened at the quiz? Well I'll tell you, but when we're done it's your bedtime. Yes, dear, I'll sing you the sleepy song.
Round one was an adorable little round. The macho nachos and penguin poppers danced and danced 'til they were just too tired to dance anymore.
The second round was a superstar, singing all his favorite songs for you. He's got such a beautiful voice, and we were lucky to hear the sound of children singing Bryan Adams!
Shakespeare came to play for round three. Do you know Shakespeare? He wrote wonderful stories about mutual suicide and baking people into pies! He also invented epilepsy, and that's why we don't let you watch Japanese cartoons anymore.
Round and round and round four was a round on round, like the Round Mound of Rebound. He wants to be your friend. Will you be friends with Charles Barkely? Of course you will!
The fifth round was, quite honestly, inappropriate for you. No. Stop crying. I'm not going to talk about it. Quit being a menace. Drink your juice. We're almost done. Am I going to have to get your mother?
That's better. Now, do you remember the game we played in round 6, where you had to figure out what was wrong? That was fun, wasn't it! Bill Pullman is not Bill Paxton! And that silly man had two brothers named Daryl! That's silly. You're silly.
Almost time for bed. Just two more rounds, dearest. We had a tricky little audio round on jacks. Carjacking is bad, watching Robin Williams for two hours is worse. Jack in the Box is solid, as far as fast food and/or wind up toys go, but you must never EVER go anywhere alone with Jack Harkness. I don't trust that man with children.
Oooookay, you can clos your eyes. Just one round left. Presidential answers are always Taft. Mississippi River questions are never Mississippi. No one remembers Little Caesar's out here. And the Soviets are still waiting to kill us in our sleep. Isn't that nice?
You've been such a good little kid. Uncle Jeremy will be back next week to take care of you. For now, I'm gonna sing the sleepy song and I want you to get some sleep.
(to the tune of Brahms' Lullaby)
Go to sleeplittle creep
Or your father will beat you
Go to sleepyou little shit
Or your sorry face i'll hit
When your body is gone
And there's no witnesses
Then i'm free from all harm
From the justice system