Fish Brewing Company
515 Jefferson Street SE
Olympia, WA 98501
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
View All Posts
Due to her recent success, I have commissioned best-selling author E.L. James to write my quiz reviews from now on. We're skipping Chapter 1, because that's just boring shit. Enjoy.
My Heart is pounding. I arrive at the front of the Fish and I scramble out the door, but fortunately not sprawling on the immaculate hardwood. I race through the door, and suddenly I’m free in the bracing, cleansing damp air of Olympia. I close my eyes and take a deep, purifying breath, trying to recover what is left of my equilibrium.
No quiz has ever affected me the way that the Fish did and I cannot fathom why. Is it their love of Cookie Monster song parodies? Their knowledge of classic fighting games? The way they look with Hitler Mustaches? Great Team Names like The Church of Latter Day Taints and Momstrodamus? I don’t understand my irrational reaction. I breath an enormous sigh of relief. What in heaven’s name was that all about? Leaning against a pillar, I valiantly attempt to calm down and gather my thoughts. I shake my head. What was that? My heart steadies to its regular rhythm and when I can breathe normally again, I head for the car.
As I leave the city limits behind, I begin to feel foolish and embarrassed as I replay the quiz in my mind. Surely I’m overreacting to something that’s imaginary. Okay, so the quizzers are very attractive, confident, commanding, at ease with themselves-but on the flipside, they’re arrogant, and for all of their impeccable manners, their cheering for each other, they’re autocratic and cold. Well, on the surface. An involuntary shiver runs down my spine. They may be arrogant, but they have a right to be-posting such high scores for a quiz that’s only existed for 5 months. They don’t suffer fools gladly, but why should they? Again, I’m irritated at Jeff for not giving me a proper biography.
While cruising toward Interstate 5, my mind continues to wander. I’m truly perplexed as what makes someone driven to succeed. Some of their answers were cryptic- as if they had a hidden agenda. To suggest that Will Smith was one of the greatest comedians of all-time, or that Alfred Hitchcock directed “The Dark Knight”. And some of my questions, Ugh. Asking about Courtney Love’s Heart Shaped Box, and Alyson Hannigan fucking herself with a flute? I shudder. I can’t believe I said that! Ground, swallow me up now! Every time I think of those questions in the future, I will cringe with embarrassment. DAMN YOU JEFF CAFFEY!
I check the scores. I’m scoring more cautiously then I would on any other occasion. And I know it’s the memory of those penetrating eyes gazing at me and stern voices telling me to “score carefully”. Shaking my head, I realize the Fish is more like a quiz twice it’s age. I can’t believe they had a tie for first, with the Transplants narrowly defeating the Frothing Gashes.
Forget it, Russ. I scold myself. I decide that, all in all, it’s been a very interesting experience, but I shouldn’t dwell on it. Put it behind you. I never have to see them again. I’m immediately cheered by the thought. I switch on the stereo and turn the volume up loud, sit back and listen to Quidditch Ball Wizard and I press down on the accelerator. As I hit Interstate 5, I realize I can drive as fast as I want.
STAY TUNED NEXT WEEK FOR THE DRAMATIC CONCLUSSION