Jack's Pub & Grill
3901 Northeast 4th St # 105
Renton, WA 98056
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Let’s talk about Toddler’s and Tiaras. Seriously, what chance do these little girls have at living a healthy, normal life? When everyone calls you Honey Boo Boo Child and force Go Go Juice down your throat, when you have your mom telling you that you better smoke, when you are 5 and strutting around on stage in front of a bunch of men whose hands you cannot see, you are pretty much fucked. 15 years from now, Honey Boo Boo Child won’t be in college learning how to shotgun a beer for the first time. She’s already done that. In 15 years, she’ll be on her knees in front of a bunch of Japanese business men saying “You wanna see Honey Boo Boo’s Vagiggle Jaggle? Gimme that Go Go Juice”. In my opinion, all of those pageant parents should go to jail for accomplice to pedophilia and manufacturing child pornography.
With all the slutty six year olds runnin’ around, I almost forgot we had a quiz last night. It was a solid night, with 5 teams in competition: Jack’s Cracks, The Muffin Tops, Square Root, Renton’s Finest, and My Couch Pulls Out But I Don’t. Renton’s Finest dominated early on with a 14 and a joker on Round 2, but after a round 3 that saw them produce 0 points (they just turned in a sheet that said “Fuck” written in the middle of it), their lead was in jeopardy. My Couch Pulls Out were lying in the weeds, waiting to strike. With a well-used joker in the final round, Couch pulled off the upset by 1 point. 1. Fucking. Point. In the future they will write poetry and sing songs about this quiz. It was an instant legend.
Next week, let’s fuck some more shit up and take care of business.