Jack's Pub & Grill
3901 Northeast 4th St # 105
Renton, WA 98056
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There’s a certain Quizmaster in the Dallas/Fort Worth area who claims to be the reigning “Quiz Master of the Year”. While she may in fact have been the QMotY last year, it’s a new fucking year, and I think we need to shake this shit up. For 2012, I nominate myself as QMotY. I know what you’re thinking: “Why do you think YOU deserve to be QMotY?” Here is my list:
1) Sexiness: Here is a picture of me in a toga during quiz. I am showing a little bit of nipple, and as you can see, SO MUCH SEX.
2) Bad Ass-itude: the reigning QMotY claims this is a big reason why she won. On Tuesday night I finished quiz in a puddle of my own blood, while training a new Quiz Master. Here's another picture, and if you feel like, you can read about that here. Top that shit.
3) Versatility: I can tuck my penis all the way back into my butthole and quiz as either a man or a woman, depending on what the bar is looking for. Here’s a photo to prove it
4) Dedication: I drive an hour to quiz with you motherfuckers at Jack’s in Renton, and I drive about another hour the other direction to quiz at the Fish in Olympia.
5) Adoration: It has been said on multiple occasions that the ownership of Jack’s would drop the quiz if I left. I hold that shit together. Thank you Sylvia and Victor for giving me a 5th argument. 5 always looks better than 4.
6) Ah shit, that didn’t matter, because I thought of another one: Teamwork – in addition to being a badass fucking Quizmaster, I also am a scorekeeper for Holland at Paddy’s in Tacoma. It is not a stretch to say that I am the best fucking scorekeeper in the entire fucking world, that’s just me being modest. But that’s not where the teamwork comes into play. Holland is a notorious drunk and has a tendency to go off on ridiculous tangents that can last 30 minutes, threatening to fuck the entire quiz in their buttholes with his awkward penis. Who do you think reins that motherfucker in? This guy.
I quiz hard every fucking week. Last night was no exception. Everybody was fucking late. My audio equipment didn’t arrive until 7:54 (we start at 8 motherfuckers). My trainee, the amazing VanGardian from Olympia didn’t show up until 8 (again, WE START AT EIGHT) and Renton’s Finest didn’t show up until 8:04 (WE START AT 8!!!!!!) Like a ninja, I scrambled to put shit together, and we quizzed our motherfucking hearts out. We had 4 teams out at Jack’s last night: On Safari, Sweatpant Boners, Renton’s Finest and Belly Up at The Bar. Sweatpant Boners, who actually had the third highest score in the nation , was short a couple of critical members and finished with a mere 48 points. Note to everyone: Never fucking leave your smartest players at home. Renton’s Finest was also short a few players and it showed as well, with a paltry 31 points. Belly Up at the Bar was pretty tanked when I got there, but they played the entire fucking quiz. They actually were looking quite good, until they scored zero on round 4, 6, and 7. They clocked in 21 points, but easily had the best night of the bunch. And then there was On Safari, who scored an almost respectable 54 points. But wait, she can’t actually win. On Safari is Geeks Who Drink’s own Lara Snyder, who quizzes at Paddy Coyne’s Bellevue. She stopped in to hang out and try the 50 cent wings. Because of her ineligibility, Sweatpant Boners wins for the third straight week and Renton’s Finest takes the set of pint glasses home for second place.
Next week I shall see you again, and we will continue our epic journey which will end with me being declared the 2012 QMotY.