Billy's On Burnet
2105 Hancock Dr
Austin, TX 78756
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
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On Wednesday evening, my fervent quest to sub for every Quizmaster at every quiz in Austin took me to familiar territory. I have to say, after having spent nearly every Friday of the last two years of my young life at Billy's on Burnet, my voracious belly filled with more cobra than a rabid mongoose, I greatly appreciated the opportunity to get on the mic and force my fellow regulars to listen attentively to my half-baked quips about Gore Vidal. I've become quite jealous of the newly wedded JD, who started a sweet new real-person job recently and needed a reprieve from the heated competition I witnessed last night. Seriously - the battle for first place came down to to a bonus round between Team Bad and Generic Team Name #4 in which the deciding answer was "amniocentesis." If that's not hardcore action, I don't know what is.
Speaking of which, last night's Round Three about the Brobdingnagian proportions of Ron Jeremy's cock was among the best (and most educational) I've hosted in a while. Ladies (or mans), just imagine, if you will, one of those plastic cans with the three tennis balls inside. Ask yourself, "Would that fit in my vagina?" And more importantly, "Just how much cash would be required from the producers of Fucked Under a Bridge 6 to get me to bang that Alf-looking, fur-bearing beer keg of a man?" If ugly was an Olympic event... well, Ron Jeremy would do better than most of y'all did on Round Six, that's for sure. Billy's apparently does not pack in the Jews on a Wednesday night.
Totally biased award for cutest team of the evening goes to The Handsome Suitors, who provided a few chuckles in addition to some marital eye candy from across the room. Our 32nd head of state's full name, according to these Hawkings of American history? Franklin Delaware Roosevelt. And the former president known for keeping a pet alligator in the White House? Al Gore. Excelsior, Handsome Suitors. Excelsior.
Thanks for having me, Billy's. You'll find me back there Friday night, cavorting with various dogs and savoring a delicious burger on the patio. Have a great week!