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TRUELOVE
414 Franklin Ave
Waco, TX 76701
Thursdays: 8:00 PM
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9:36 AM, September 07, 2012
Scores
The team with no name 78
Back With Black (guy) 77
swamp donkeys 74
The birds and the beedrills 72
brute squad drink PBR ergo, they are winning 68
Waiting for nelson to show us the slippery minnow 63
tea party candidate honey boo-boo 59
USA barred from Special Olympics and Getting Some Strange
The Chewbrocka!


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Quiz Schedule
1. Wake up (noon) 2. Surf for porn 3. Leftovers and warm beer 4. Geeks Who Drink 5. Porn 6. Bedtime Or filling in around the finer establishments in Waco: TRUELOVE (Thurs. 8-10 pm) 		Darin (The Chewbrocka!)

I'm cooler than the backside of the pillow. If my rhymes were short, I'd be that midget from Willow. I really am smarter than the everage bear, but will most likely be mauled to death by a dumb one. I only look like and aging, balding, pudgy white guy because I play one on TV. Sadly, my agent thought it would be a good idea for me to be on TV all the time.

I am into pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. I quit the long walks on the beach stuff becasue I kept getting crabs. I do lots of desktop design and music. I only get paid for one. I used to really be into art, but I kept eating the Crayons...except for the black ones, which I'm sure taste like icky licorice.

Answers to FAQ about me:

1. Yes

2. An arrest is not necessarily a conviction

3. The doctor said the rash will clear up soon. The voices may stick around for a while.

4. Simpsons, Futurama, Venture Brothers, 30 Rock and No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain

4.5 Two kids and one wife, or vice versa

5. Your favorite band sucks

Now go away! I'm trying to hit on your mom.

GLASGOW – This just in. The United States has been officially banned from the 2014 Special Olympics. It appears recent quiz taking and bar room shenanigans at Geeks Who Drink have proved to be the final straw in this tenuous relationship - the chief culprit being TRUELOVE in Waco, TX this Thursday night. The governing bodies of both the Special Olympics and USADA (Unites States Assn. of Dumb Asses) thought it would be better to just keep the USA from hurting itself during the games. According to USADA Director, Phil McCracken, they have seen the photos from the Geeks Who Drink blogs, read some of the answers and seen the scores. “We have a saying that we’re all winners just for trying. Umm, I think you guys would be winners by not trying. We can’t have people out here losing an eye, running around naked or throwing up on the field…or all three,” McCracken said. “Besides, we would go broke drug-testing all of those drunken jacktards anyway.”

This marks the first time the USA has been banned from competition since it was booted from the Commonwealth Games in 1776. When asked for comment, a TRUELOVE quizzer was heard to say, “The Special Olympics and The Commonwealth Games? I thought they were the same thing……AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!”

Prosecution rests.

Man, it feels good to be back home. After a week of getting some strange quiz (filling in for an ailing fellow QM) it was nice to be back in the warm, loving, tattooed, moist loins of the TRUELOVE quizzers. The inappropriate touching was really welcomed this time. Before we go any further, I want to set the record straight. I did not have sexual relations with those other quizzes! They meant nothing to me. They were a one-time thing, twice. I didn’t even get their phone numbers and I used a condom. It’s just that we’ve been together for a while now and I just needed some strange quiz…just to make sure my love for you was as strong as the first time we popped our quiz cherries together. Come here…let’s make out now, like we did in high school. I won’t even ask if I can put a finger in.

The TRUELOVE answers did give me a quiz boner last night…especially when the entire bar had, what I’m calling a “Thrillergasm”: That moment of nirvana when the last two notes of an audio clip make you realize it’s a Michael Jackson song. It would explain why all the answer sheets for round 2 were moist. And we still had 6 rounds to go. This is why I love the Geeks Who Drink quiz at TRUELOVE. If you can’t be right, be so, so wrong…and that right. Let’s go into what we learned that wasn’t right, but was:

  • TRUELOVE should take over MTV because they have great ideas for shows:

Masturbating Charlie Sheen: 30 minutes of watching Charlie whack it. Hell yeah!

Malibu Barbie Porn: The Ken’s Bleached Asshole Edition

Me and My Labia

My Two Sluts

Schindler’s List (wtf?!?!)

MacGuyver

  • Elephant Polo’s highest honor is the Calcutta Cup

  • You can tell the sexes of Pac People by the bow…and the vagina

  • Penis Pilot was a great video game, but the track ball was always hairy…and sweaty

  • If you totally owned an old video game, you got the butthole screen

  • Bianchi and Team Telekom are the world leaders in masturbation sports

  • PedoBear – it tells you bedtime stories…very, very closely (Sandusky Seal of Approval!)

  • Oskar Schindler saved Jewish workers to build Central Europe’s favorite toy: The Schindler Baby

  • Molly Piss Her Pants – was that an answer, a statement or a command?

  • We all wish we had an imaginary friend called the Vagina Viking

  • It is great fun to record yourself swearing, farting, and belching and placing the cassette in your sister’s Teddy Ruxpin Bear…and basically turning it into “Ted” 25 years ahead of schedule

  • Everybody knows that Phyllis Diller never referred to her husband as “The Cunt Commander.” It was “Conway Twitty’s Pencil Dick,” Duh!

  • TRUELOVE totally BITCH-SLAPPED round 3! We know our shitty little states. Six perfect rounds and a 7! And while Cuba may be under 40,000 square miles, it is not in the U.S.

Scoring was incredibly close all night. We had a shitload of changes within the second to fifth place spots – with every round some teams would drop as many as four spots. That’s the kind of competition you don’t see at the Special Olympics! The Team With No Name was one of three teams to Joker a 15-point round 2 and held on to win with 78 points. The left The Swamp Donkeys, The Birds and The Beedrills, Back With Black (Guy) and Brute Force Drink PBR to duke it out for the final two spots. An uncharacteristically good round 8 shot the Swamp Donkeys from 5th to 3rd with 74. Back With Black (Guy) also gathered steam as the quiz went on and jumped into 2nd place, a single point out with 77. The remaining teams were also within 10 points. That’s the kind of scoring that gets into the top bars each week.

Top Team Name of the Night: The Birds and The Beedrills. I’m a sucker for a good Pokemon reference.

Not Last Place Winner: Waiting for Nelson to Show Us the Slippery Minnow. They took home a pair of growing alligator things.

Make sure to catch extra shenanigans on the Geeks Who Drink at TRUELOVE Facebook page!

Thanks again for coming our making TRUELOVE the premier quiz in Waco. I’ll wash the stink of another quiz off of me. Until then, may all of your quizzes be strange (in a good way) and all of your Olympics be special.

See you this Sunday at 8:00. I don’t want to brag, but I played by myself and won…while doing a fantasy football draft. And nest Thursday at 8:00.

Love on ya,

D.