Quiz Master Darin, did you order the Code Wrong? You mean the Round 6, question 2? You want the answer? Oh, you want the truth!?! You can't handle the truth!

Quizzers, we live in a world with quizzes that must be written. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Swamp Donkeys? I have more responsibility than you can fathom. You weep for that point you didn’t get, but did, and curse the Quiz Masters. You don't know what I know. That point’s loss, while tragic, saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque to you, saves bars! But deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you need me on that microphone. Quiz Master’s use words like honor, code, liquor. They're the backbone of our quiz. You use them as a punchline! I haven't the time or inclination to explain that question to a team that needs it repeated but questions the way I read it. Better just to thank me. Or pick up a round and don’t be a dick! I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!

Did you order the Code Wrong? You're goddamn right I did!

From here on out:

• “Jury-rigged” is 9 letters long

• All states get 3 electoral votes

• An IPA is an IPA is an IPA

• And no matter how much you bitch, it will only take 7 Furlongs to make a mile…especially since Edward was already at the party.

That is all. Defense rests.

So there were a few mistakes made tonight at TRUELOVE. We’re not perfect. It is called Geeks Who Drink for god’s sake. Sometimes we drink way before we geek and mistakes may or may not be made. I’d say we did it just to see if you were paying attention. But thankfully your understanding and willingness to report these simple mistakes to the Errorogenous Zone was eclipsed only by your drunken anger, shouts of “bullshit!” and a few tossed pints glasses. This is Texas, where the fuck is my gun? Seriously, I kid you guys because I love you and you are so fucking smart you know instantly when an error has been made. It’s surprising really, given how low your scores normally are.

Actually, after three rounds I was worried we may have one of the closest nights in TRUELOVE quiz history. A mere 8 points separated last and first place. The well-played Jokers in round 2 vaulted everybody’s scores through the roof and just reinforced the fact you all have terrible taste in music. Sadly/Fortunately, there are 8 rounds in GWD and the scores dropped faster than a shuttlecock at an Asian badminton match.

Venue newcomers, Hootie and the Knowfish came in and slapped the regulars around a bit, snatching first place with 81 points. On-again, off-again venue champs, Playing with the Quiz Master’s Wife, Because He likes to Watch, did their best to catch the newbies, but ran out of time and right answers with 79. A group of our regulars are starting to come into quiz puberty by placing in the top 3 for the 4^th time in 5 weeks. The TABC Can Suck It! was third with 73 points and having the best round 8. In all seriousness, our last place pulled in a 61, which is pretty damn good in the grand scheme of things. However….there are morsels of knowledge that we were left to chew on:

• The Quiz Master entered regular quizzer Molly, and she still didn’t get what she wanted. The story of my life

• The Thomas Crown Affair was funnier than any of the Police Academy movies

• Chick-Fil-A doesn’t serve dude nuggets…but they love cockmeat

• Why is it when people refer to Axe Body Spray, you automatically think of douchebags? Oh, right. That’s their normal musk.

• Speaking of douchebags: “Sorority Girl Date Rape” is also spelled - ANNHEUSER-BUSCH

• ANNHEUSER-BUSCH can also be shortened to “Puke,” and “Beer shits”

• Abreva has cornered the market on curing AIDS. Hooray!

• If your cock ever says it was in Dancer in the Dark, it needs more feathers and has been sucked by Lady Gaga, it ought to write a book

• The Ottoman Empire’s most elite soldier was the feared and dangerous, Ball Slappers

• Surprisingly, 1968 NL Rookie of the Year Gary Gavel wasn’t much of a hitter and his career was brief (GET IT?!?!?)

• Sally Ride was also the first lesbian astronaut to appear on Frisky Dingo

• Day-Walkers are the opposite of nocturnal

• Funky Cancer Pants….what else needs to be said?

• Ton-Loc was in Ace Ventura. Funky Cold Medina eventually got cancer (Best tie-in answer ever!)

• The residents of Quahog are perverts, rapists, fat, really fat and black

• Being black is not an occupation because everyone knows it doesn’t pay to be black (this was verified by the black guy on My Black Guy Can Beat Up Your Black Guy)

• Auschwitz makes the best beer in the world. So light and crispy you can almost taste the screaming. In fact, it’s the perfect complement to your Chick-Fil-A sandwich! Yummy!

Top Team Name of the Night: Easily goes to Playing with the Quiz Master’s Wife, Because He likes to Watch, because they really did, and so did I

Top Almost Team Name: There was some speculation one of our larger teams would have to split up and they would have gone with, Asian Chicks Mishandle Shuttlecock, No Happy Ending. Greatness.

Top Awesome Moment of the Night: Giving away a free beer to a quizzer who could produce his DWI paperwork. YES! Usurping the TABC power from within. Fight the power!!!!!!

So there you have it. Until next time TRUELOVE faithful, may your electoral votes be counted and your Ride be mounted. It would hurt to have your truth handled either….

Love on ya,

D.

• O'Brien's on Wilshire Irish Pub & Restaurant - Santa Monica 7:00 PM
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• The Mayor of Old Town - Fort Collins 8:00 PM
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• Black Star Co-Op - Austin 8:00 PM
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