C.B. & Potts
555 Zang St
Broomfield, CO 80021
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
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Really. I promise. One day, far in the future, you'll remember this blog as you're hovering through traffic to pick up your clones from the education farms. Suddenly everything will come together. You'll understand that your entire life hinged on this one blog.
For some of you, you'll remember the fight you got in over putting "Thriller" instead of "Dangerous." You KNEW "Thriller" didn't make sense. Obviously the title track was the first single. So why did your significant other fight it so hard? Because you weren't fighting over Michael Jackson. You were fighting because you realized that this wasn't who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. That you only settled for your crappy office job because they wanted you to. This blog will set you on your way to freedom.
For others, it'll be just the opposite. You were out with someone new - maybe not for the first time, but early on in the relationship. Then you heard "Walking in Memphis." You both started singing. Your eyes met. You felt something you couldn't place, but this blog makes it clear. You both want to spend the rest of your lives together, and after reading this, you will.
Or maybe it was in round three, where you realized that Shaka Zulu was only 41 when he died. You're nearly that now, and you're still just an assistant manager. Shaka Zulu had already revolutionized warfare against both native enemies and English invaders. Genghis Khan had pillaged his way across most of central and eastern Asia by then. But this is when you realize that it's not too late to turn your life around. You have time.
It might be more subtle, though. Like if your very best friend jumped on the ICP question like Kobayashi on a hot dog. Why does he know ICP so well? Why was he so excited? You didn't think much of it at the time, but reading this you realize that something's not right. You go back through all your memories with him, analyzing them for anything off. For some reason teams Jerry Sandusky's Daycare and Sex: Do It For The Children stand out in your mind. Oh. Oh god! HE'S A PEDOPHILE! You call the cops, and they find 5 missing children from ages 6-12 locked in his basement. You just saved 5 lives, all because this blog made you see through the fog. You're a hero, and I'm a hero for writing this.
Some of you will see a picture of young Alice Cooper and be inspired by your mental connection to Wayne's World. You'll start your own public access TV show. You'll be discovered by a slimy bastard who tries to take advantage of you, but you'll outsmart him with the help of a sexy bassist. He'll learn that a flawless profile, a perfect body, the right clothes, and a great car can get you far in America - almost to the top - but it can't get you everything. And you'll remember that lesson yourself.
Yet others will dwell on Dr. Seuss. They'll remember the joy of their youth, before life turned them bitter and hateful. When "Oh The Places You'll Go" could still mean "go anywhere, do anything!" Such youthful bliss. Unfortunately, that group won't recognize that it's still possible to change. They'll remain jaded and spiteful. Sorry, guys. This blog will never make sense to you, because you can't get over your present and learn to shape your future.
A few of you will recall the clip from The Burbs and realize you've never seen it. After reading this, you'll go back and watch it, and you'll realize that you've never appreciated how talented Tom Hanks really is. Then, you'll remember that you used to be an actor. You played a flying monkey in your elementary school production of The Wizard of Oz, didn't you? And you'll go out for an audition. You get the lead! The show's a hit! You're playing lead, and it goes on national tour! It gets parlayed into a movie deal! You win an Oscar! You're a hit! All because of this blog. Remember me. Send me money.
Still others will remember round eight. Japan, France, and the US have the most Michelin Three Star restaurants, eh? Well that gave you the inkling of an idea, but I'll flesh it out for you. You want to open a restaurant. You speak Portuguese. Europe is already oversaturated, but Brazil is booming. Didn't they just find oil there? Don't rich people love vacationing in Rio? That's where you're gonna make your mark. You can bring a whole new aspect to Brazilian fine dining, and hasn't food always been your passion? You're welcome.
Maybe not these exact things, but I can promise you that this blog will change your life. Someway. Somehow. You owe me. So do me a favor, alright? Click the "like" button on the left. Click the "share" button if you're feeling adventurous. Go to our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/GeeksWhoDrinkCBPotts) and like it. Tag yourself in the pictures. Tag your friends. Spread the love. That's all I ask in return for your fabulous new future. That's not too much, is it? Great. I'll see ya back here next week. Tuesday. 8pm. C.B. & Potts.