Paddy Coyne's (Tacoma)
815 Pacific Avenue
Tacoma, WA 98402
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Last week Socretron made false, premature, and some would say hopeful accusations of my death. Did you fools really believe him? Did you truly think Holland the Boy Wonder could be stopped or even touched by one man? You stupid, silly sons of bitches.
I LIVE. And with my return, BEST QUIZ VENUE 2012 has once again regained its unstoppable, hellish power.
My strength is limitless, and my drive is unstoppable. Don’t ever question my greatness again.
Those of you who worshipped the false prophet will be dealt with in due time. Those who stood valiant in your allegiance to your true king have gained my favor and will be awarded gifts beyond your comprehension.
Once Scoretron’s lobotomy is finished, you can expect him to return to his rightful place as my minion. There will not be another revolt.
Best comparison: I am Walter White. Scoretron is Jesse Pinkman. I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS.
Anyway, here’s some highlights:
Did you know there was a chick that grew a fingernail from her clitoral hood? It was like some sort or primitive bodily defense against guarding the clitoris from exposure (or rough dudes with no moves?). It wasn’t like a Wolverine claw or anything like that. Just a small keratin growth that covered the majority of the clitoris. I want to say the person eventually got it removed, but I don’t remember the story. Look it up, it’s fascinating. I believe the woman’s name was Melissa Brunton.
Round 7 featured clips from movies and the players have to name the movie. One of our star teams, Asshole-o-mio, wrote down for Coyote Ugly “I have a penis, so I can’t know this shit.” Really? Really?? The whole purpose (hole purpose?) of this movie is to occupy the minds of human beings that possess penises. That’s it. Girls get wet, girls get naked, girls kiss all up on each other. This isn’t even a movie for men; it’s just for their dicks. But here’s the real icing on the cake: Guess which movie they got right, which was the very next one?
I don’t even think I need to say anything. The “asshole” in your name makes so much more sense, now. Well done, lads. Well done.
Our game was a little crippled last night. We had all our regular teams, but not a single one of them was at full capacity (It turns out they were all still praying outside my empty grave. Sorry for the lack of heads-up, guys). That threw the scoring into a barrel roll of which $6 Gift Card pulled out of perfectly all the way to the end. Congrats on your win, you lords of the pit.
Thanks again to everyone who came out. Until next week, this is Holland the Boy Wonder saying, “I am a golden god.”