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Paddy Coyne's (Tacoma)
815 Pacific Avenue
Tacoma, WA 98402
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2:46 PM, July 25, 2012
Scores
Where the FUUUUCK Is Andy?? 68
Tacoma's MEGA Team 68
Holland's Privates Are Rocks 61
Movin' On Up :( 61
S.T.D. (Some Tacoma Dudes) 58
Phyllis Payne and It's One Time Groupie 55
Movin' On Up 54
Another Pint Bites the Dust 54
8th Place?MAX 51
JP Patches Finally Quit Clowning Around 49
Team YOLO 13
Team Vince 11
Mac and Jack 9
Team JMB 8
Todo el mundo se jodio de tequila a continuacion empeze a hablar de penes.
Holland the Boy Wonder


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Quiz Schedule
Tacoma Cabana: Tuesdays at 8pm 		Holland (Holland the Boy Wonder)

Many people describe me as "the most important person in the world."  Looking at the facts, it's basically true.

If I could only play one video game for the rest of my life I would choose Mega Man 3.  if I could be any animal I would be Gamera.  My favorite color is menstrual blood.

Another Tuesday, another night at the BEST QUIZ VENUE IN THE NATION 2012.

…Or so I thought.

I always jaw-waggle with Rory the Super Manager before the quiz starts.  You know, see if we have any specials or if I need to threaten anybody’s life or what-have-you.  At the end of our 100% platonic conversation he mentioned, “Oh by the way, it’s

NATIONAL

TEQUILA

DAY.”

Scoretron and I like to come up with one special hook each night, something that says, “Hey!  There’s a reason we were featured in the Geek In Review sixteen weeks in a row.  And here’s another one of them.”  When I heard this National Tequila Day business, Scoretron and I didn’t even talk.  We just looked at each other and knew.  There’s the hook.

After finding out how many bottles of tequila we had on hand, I challenged the bar with drinking ALL OF THEM.  Now, it was only three bottles and we had like a thousand people, give or take twelve.  It should not have been so hard, but come round seven when we’d only finished off ONE BOTTLE, I was starting to sweat bullets.  Luckily my bar heard the call of the Wu and demolished the other two bottles in two rounds.  You could tell who really stepped up to the plate, namely the two people who were making out and groping (X rated) at the bartop and the dude who pissed himself (I didn’t see you, but I smelled you, you son of a bitch).  I want to thank everyone for stepping up to the challenge, and hopefully no one’s buttholes or heads are fucked up too bad this morning.  I think next week should be National Jack Daniel’s Day.  I don’t need all my teeth…

Other items worth mentioning:

  • How far is MY thumb from the pulse of society?  We had three team names making fun of the recently deceased, and I didn’t catch a single one of them.  Hearing that J.P. Patches died almost ruined the night for me.  But I kept my shit primetime and network smiled my way through the night.
  • While we always have incredible email question prizes, this week's was especially cool.  we gave away "Zip It," a game by Bananagrams.  From what I understood, it is like speed Scrabble.  Perfect for those scoring breaks at the quiz!  Congrats on that prize, Kenny.
  • Someone wrote ME a quiz!  I was so impressed that I thought I would share it with you all, along with my answers:

PUBE QUIZ

  1. Does the carpet match the drapes?  Yes, both are shaved with sideburns.
  2. Bedazzling is one way to decorate.  What’s the term for “decorating” the vagina?  Vajazzling.  Too easy, 2 for 2.
  3. What is manscaping?  A viable solution for men who want to feel fabulous.
  4. What’s the difference between a Brazilian and a Landing Strip?  A landing strip leaves a thin patch of hair.  A Brazilian takes care of everything, asshole to belly button.
  5. True or False- The longest pube ever recorded is over twelve inches long.  True.  I got it stuck in my teeth.  Fucking Olympia hippies.
  6. True or False- Male pattern baldness also affects the genital area.  From what I’ve seen in the Goodwill changing rooms, true.
  7. Who sang the song "Short and Curly?"  Lords of Acid.  Probably.
  8. Which famous sisters gave each other bikini waxes on national TV?  Olson Twins, Full House Season 4.  Uncle Jesse taped the whole thing, the sick fuck.

BONUS QUESTION: What movie is the line “ask me about my wiener” from?  Accepted, of course!

Thanks for the quiz, Movin’ On Up.  Mind you, that’s Movin’ On Up, not Movin’ On Up :( .  Two totally different teams.

  • I mentioned that the greater Tacoma area is hiring for quizmasters (which we totally are, apply on this site if you think you can step to this shit) and one cheeky fellow handed in his application to me in person:

What can I say?  You’re hired.  Everyone welcome Reid to the family.  Reid, your QM name shall be "Senator Reid My Lovelips."

Our long-time countertop team Where the FUUUUUCK is Andy?? reclaimed their crown this week with a first place tie that went in their favor because Tacoma’s MEGA Team had eight people and cannot win according to Geeks Byline 7c, Article 99-F.  Congrats, you beautiful boobed bastards!

Thanks again to everyone who came out last night.  Until next week, this is Holland the Boy Wonder saying, “Do you like kippers?”