The Royal Hilltop
18581 E. Hampden Ave
Aurora, CO 80013
Saturdays: 8:00 PM
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So, for the 4th of July, I was playing this game I later found out is called “Ladder Ball”, wherein you swing a bolo-esque contraption made of two golf balls held together with a nylon string at a ladder-type contraption in an attempt to wrap the bolo-esque contraption around the “rungs” of the ladder-type contraption. Why am I writing all this? Because, while playing the game, I was swinging my golf ball/bolo-thing around all ninja-style when I quite ungracefully smacked myself in the forehead. Knowing this, the events of last night make a bit more sense.
Fighting off a few-days-old concussion and an aching lower back I got from humping your mom, I thought, “what better way to cure what ails me than alcohol, and more alcohol?” Answer: Nothing.
So I drank more than I usually do, and someone came up with a gigantic shot toward the end of the night when I was already pretty buzzed telling me about a friend of his who died a few years ago and how this was “his shot” and he wanted me to do one with him. Not wanting to be an insensitive prick, I had everyone in the pub raise their respective glasses and toast to this poor guy’s lost friend, and proceeded to go from “buzzed” to “holy shit” in 60 seconds.
Then, the dancing started.
Did I mention I had a jacked up back? ‘Cause I did. That did not stop Hot Fudge from poking out of the hidden places I like to keep him and shaking his groove thing for the ladies.
I gave away Last Supper Mints to someone whose name escapes me. For now, I’ll just call her Princess Contessa Bananahammock.
Fallopian Swim Team took home third place, and got a free show that would make Magic Mike jealous. The Fargen Ice Holes took home second place, and posed single-file for their victory picture. Jesus skipped AA won the coveted first place prize, and promptly announced their retirement from quiz, wanting to go out on top. I’ll believe it when I see it, for none can resist the allure of Hayseed Dixie for very long.
Hopefully next week, I’ll be more of my prim and proper self without all the aches, pains, and booze to counter-act them.