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Amid rounds on Fourplay, Sex, and the Inevitable Cleanup, Winnie the Pooh and friends bunkered down in round 3, unsure of what had surrounded them. Little did Roo and Piglet know that they were only 26 rules away from sick, twisted depravity, depravity that has befallen the likes of the Mythbusters, Star Wars AT-ATs, and even Inspector Gadget. Oh, childhood innocence. What has the internet done to you!? I recall a time when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were just that. And now...now they're the Gangbang April Ninja Turtles. My eyes. My eyes.
Undoubtedly, after reading that paragraph, your curiosity has gotten to you. You've typed in "Rule 34 Winnie the Pooh" into your Google search bar. Your finger is lingering over the mousepad, the arrow hovering over the "Google Search" button. Don't do it. Step away. Please, I beg you. Then you hear something outside. A stray cat running into a bush. The sound startles you, causing your finger to twitch and press onto the mousepad. Your eyes widen. Google Images returns results you regret having thought about viewing. Rabbit, no, no, no. What are you doing to Pooh? Your eyes cannot unsee this. Frantically, you close the browser. You sit on the couch and try to laugh at what transpired. But it doesn't help. Nothing you think about does. Nothing can rid those images from your mind.
Inside, a little piece of you has died. Eeyore and Christopher Robin weep alongside you (though that damn donkey is always weeping, to be fair). Get used to that feeling. It's called adulthood, a culmination of adult disappointments caused by the realization that your childhood wasn't so innocent. Similar to the time you were greeted by an old flasher inside a Burger King restroom. And that only happened yesterday. Really, you should knock before stepping into a public restroom. Come to think of it, that was your own damn fault.