The Auld Dubliner Long Beach
71 S. Pine Ave.
Long Beach, CA 90802
Mondays: 8:00 PM
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The high score on R1 was 5 last night. Apparently you all didn't know that much about girl people. Even the girl people didn't know that much about girl people. Life must be very confusing for you.
But five points out of opening gate? That's setting the bar pretty low. I was all ready to pack my shit and get out of there.
Especially with a R2 about 30 Years of Hip-hop. I don't know if you guys have noticed this, but you're a pretty white group of people. No judgment – I am also white. No, it's true, I swear it. Exhibit A: My face.
But you actually did pretty well on that one. Half of the teams got 8 or better, and a high score of 12 made me think twice about throwing my quiz into a sack and skedaddling.
Round 3 was a multiple choice round on Wrong Answers, and I thought to myself, “Well, if there is ONE THING that these people are experts on, it is being drunk and obnoxious near a large body of water.”
“But if we expand our study to include TWO THINGS, then the second one would have to be wrong answers!”
And you did well on that one! Naturally! Team Fine, I'll Tell You... It's Lazer even aced that one.
R4 was on Pop Stars, and three whole teams earned my respect by spelling “Betelgeuse” correctly! No extra points for your mastery of spelling, but you get my respect, which is worth more in the long run. And by “more,” clearly I mean “not as much.”
R5 was our Presidential Rebus visual round, and we didn't make it easy for you. No fewer than nine people's heads exploded.
Of course that happened elsewhere, and was probably unrelated. I just thought I'd mention.
Two perfect scores and three 7s showed me you meant business. At that point, not only did I not pack up my stuff, I brought a toothbrush to leave at the quiz. THAT IS HOW YOU KNEW SHIT WAS SERIOUS.
R6? R7? Are you kidding me? Are you LITERALLY TELLING ME A JOKE RIGHT NOW? You did mediocre at best on our “Are You Smarter Than A Tenth-Grader?” round, and basically took a shit all over our R7 “I Think We Should See Other People.”
I trusted you. And this is how you show me you care? I can't even look at you right now.
It's just fortunate none of you are anywhere near me. It makes the not looking THAT much easier.
But praise Jesus, you redeemed yourselves on Round 8. A high score of 15! Frickin' 15! from One and Two is Ten! An average score of just over 9 points (pre-joker) on that round made me fall in love with you all over again.
Yes, that's what it takes.
I ain't calling myself a golddigger, but I ain't messing with no low-scoring groups of mostly white people.
THAT is how hip-hop works.