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British Bulldog
2052 Stout St.
Denver, CO 80205
Mondays: 8:00 PM
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1:42 PM, April 30, 2013
Scores
The Piccadilly Twitz 99
English Jim & the Velvet Merkins 75
Clown Baby 70
Neil & the Diamonds 69
Quiz Ain't Easy But Your Mom Is 63
The Hungry, Hungry Ethiopians 61
Is That a Rocket in Your Pocket, or Just Pocket Aces? 58
Steve Handjobs 57
White People Love Black People 57
Pancake Henry 54
The Real Manti Te'o Story
That Guy in the Corner


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Quiz Schedule
Mondays, 8pm at the British Bulldog 		Mike (That Guy in the Corner)

Mike was a faithful quizzer for almost three years who finally fell victim to the siren call of becoming a quizmaster.  Translation: Getting paid to eat, drink, and joke at the expense of others was simply too much to resist.  Also, talking about himself in the third person is a major turn-on.

At first glance Mike probably qualify as more drink than geek, but he'll put his nerd street cred up against anyone brave enough to accept the challenge.  We're talking played World of Warcraft at a "WORLD CLASS" level here, people.  

There is, however, a soft spot reserved in his heart for good beer, bad puns, and obscure references so if you have any one of these to spare, come down to British Bulldog and get your quiz on!

The whole Manti Malietau Louis Te'o story is just weird.  Even without the fact that he's got four names, which is totally weird in itself, it's one of those things that I can't even fault news agencies for over-covering, because the story in itself is just so unbelievable.  I have my own suspicions about various parts of it all, but those will have to wait for another blog.  What we're going to do today is piece together our own version of the events, using as many of last night's quiz answers as possible to tell the tale. 

One day, after practice at Notre Dame, Manti was chilling in his dorm room rocking out to Always by Erasure.  The song was a guilty pleasure of his ever since he first heard it while playing Robot Unicorn Attack during his trip to Saudi Arabia a few years back.  Wiped out from two-a-days, his plans for the evening were pretty relaxed, but came as a relief.  After snacking on some Jeno’s pizza rolls, he planned on hitting up Netflix to watch Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, and maybe hook up some Orville Redenbacher’s later on.  That’s when heard his telephone ring.

Struggling to hear his friend over Kanye West blasting in the background, he turned down the music and snuggled up to his body pillow.  Apparently a group of his friends were out playing some 8-ball and wanted him to join them.  Manti hesitated briefly, and then said he’d meet them down there shortly.  Looking a bit scruffy, he grabbed his Remington razor for a quick shave, found the new shirt he’d bought at Men’s Wearhouse, and was soon out the door.  Quickly realizing he’d forgotten his wallet, he headed back towards his room and grabbed it, making sure his Capital One card was there.  His friends sounded pretty drunk, so he also grabbed some rubbers as well.  He obviously wasn’t going to use them, but he figured that they might come in handy for some of his bros.

As he got into his Chrysler, he flipped through the radio until he found a song he liked:  Car Wash by Rose Royce.  He never really got to listen to oldies except when he was by himself, and it was a guilty pleasure for him.  After a quick drive, he pulled up to the pool hall, walked in, and found his friends.  “It’s your break, Manti, smack that.”  Now, few people know that Manti is an all-star pool player, so he quickly ran a few of his friends off of the table and then decided to take a break.  Looking across the room, he locked eyes with a young lady named Lennay who clearly had been trying to get his attention.  She was sipping on a Samuel Adams and used the eye contact to invite herself over to talk.  They spoke for a while, mostly about shared interests in movies and TV shows.  She was a secret fan of Saved by the Bell: The New Class, he’d never told anyone else about his obsession with Fletch.  It was clear that there was a strong mutual interest, and it wasn’t long until Lennay asked Manti to join her back at her apartment.  He agreed and they left together, hand in hand.

On the drive across town, Manti told Lennay about his dreams to play in the NHL, but could never quite get the knack for ice skating and that the NFL was just his back-up plan.  She told him about her majoring in history, and how she was writing her thesis on Paul Revere.  They soon arrived and Manti felt like he needed to be upfront and honest.  He explained that his Mormon faith prohibited premarital sex and that he didn’t want to lead her on.  She giggled and assured him that it was no problem; she simply wanted to hang out and cuddle a bit.  He turned to shut the car door and was started by a bloodcurdling scream.  A bat pup had fallen out of the tree, right onto Lennay’s head.  Its mother, buzzing around her head trying to defend her baby, bit her on the hand before finally flapping away.  Instantly, Lennay looked ill.  She complained of dizziness and vertigo and asked Manti to take her to the hospital.  He raced her to the emergency room, her condition failing quickly.  As they arrived, nurses rushed out to greet them, putting Lenny onto a gurney to take her inside.  She asked them to stop, looked Manti in the eyes, and gave him a kiss, whispering, “I know we just met, but I love you” 

He sat in the waiting room for what seemed like hours, until the doctor came out to speak with him.  “Is she alive?” he asked.  “I’m sorry, son.  The bat that bit her carried a rare, deadly strain of rabies.  She’s gone.”  Manti cried out in pain and was inconsolable.  During the weeks that followed, people tried to cheer him up to no avail.  Even though they had hardly known each other, that didn't make Manti love Lennay any less.  Without her, he was a changed man; these emotional scars would never heal.

 

 

 

British Bulldog
2052 Stout St.
Denver, CO 80205
Mondays: 8:00 PM
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Comment Now
11:15 AM, April 23, 2013
Scores
The Piccadilly Twitz 85
West Side Sausage 76
Hans & the Grubers 72
Hot Boyz 68
Party Time, Excellent! 61
The FDA Can Suck On My Boules 56
Pancake Henry 55
Suck It, Nerds! 48
Chatarangas 40
This One Goes to 11. Tonight, We Needed 12
That Guy in the Corner


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Quiz Schedule
Mondays, 8pm at the British Bulldog 		Mike (That Guy in the Corner)

Mike was a faithful quizzer for almost three years who finally fell victim to the siren call of becoming a quizmaster.  Translation: Getting paid to eat, drink, and joke at the expense of others was simply too much to resist.  Also, talking about himself in the third person is a major turn-on.

At first glance Mike probably qualify as more drink than geek, but he'll put his nerd street cred up against anyone brave enough to accept the challenge.  We're talking played World of Warcraft at a "WORLD CLASS" level here, people.  

There is, however, a soft spot reserved in his heart for good beer, bad puns, and obscure references so if you have any one of these to spare, come down to British Bulldog and get your quiz on!

Considering the level of geekery with which most of you conduct your everyday lives, I feel safe in assuming that I don’t need to remind you of the classic blunders in life.  In an act of benevolence for the sake of those reading who are a bit uncultured, I will review these blunders and also fill you in one a new one I’ve just added:

  • Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
  • Never go against a Sicilian with death on the line.
  • Never try to be louder than the guy with a microphone.

I’m quite sure there were no military campaigns during last night’s quiz that I somehow missed.  I cannot be as certain regarding a potential confrontation involving Sicilians, but I’ll go out on a limb and say that didn’t happen either.  What I can tell you, however, is that we had a group of people who chose to engage me in an escalating conflict of volume supremacy. 

Rule #2: Don’t Fuck With the Quizmaster.  You all know this rule and the majority of you do an excellent job following it.  Even with the simple clarity of rule #2, I like to take a “do not fire until fired upon” approach to keeping the peace during the quiz.  As long as you don’t interrupt me or negatively affect the quiz itself, I’m pretty fast and loose with what I’ll tolerate, but the unfortunate reality is that a group of 7 people shouting across a small table at one another needs to be addressed. 

Usually the easiest way to quiet down a rowdy bunch is to hand them an answer packet and cajole or mock them into participating.  Even with an automatically disqualified team size, I approached the Gang of Seven in hopes of gaining some new converts.  Quickly identifying a middle-aged business professional in a lavender shirt as the leader of the group, I started into a beautifully crafted spiel about the quiz and how it would be a great way for them to spend the evening.  In a polite, but firm tone, he told me that they didn’t plan on staying the whole way through.  I tried countering with the idea that they were welcome to play as long or as little as they chose, and that those who have told me the same thing in the past have often found themselves in it until the very end, but to no avail.  It became clear that Mr. Lavender wasn’t picking up what I was putting down, and that’s just fine.  I can lead the horse to water, but if they choose not to drink, not my problem.  What this did mean, was that I would need to dig deeper into my bag of tricks to thwart this noisy menace.

Bag of tricks is probably a bit of a misnomer, because there’s nothing particularly tricky about a brute force attack.  Don’t let its simplicity fool you though, as the effectiveness of my method cannot be questioned.  The advantage a quizmaster holds is that my voice is aided by a mixing board, amplifier, and speakers strewn throughout the venue.  Sure, a group might have power in numbers, but if history has taught us nothing else, it’s that technology always reigns supreme…and reign supreme it did.  Seeing the forlorn and frustrated looks amongst my quizzers was something I could not stand, and I tried to assure them with my eyes that all would be well.  As we started in round two, I could feel the doubts of everyone around me.  I could not fail, I would not fail, and I would bring the music to the people.  I turned that volume knob higher than it had ever been turned by my hand before.  As the beautiful melodies of Euro-trash rock covers filled every corner of the British Bulldog, the dull roar of the Gang of Seven was but an afterthought at this point.  We had done it, we had won.

Slowly thereafter, the Gang of Seven dwindled to six, then to five, and eventually to zero.  Crushed by our will and determination, I hold zero doubts that they will think twice about trying to compete with the sheer power of pub quiz ever again.  After quiz was over, I took special care when putting away the mixing board.  As I looked down at the tub it calls home, the volume knob and I shared a quiet moment, hoping we’d never be forced to take such measures again, but knowing that, if needed, we would do what quiz required.

British Bulldog
2052 Stout St.
Denver, CO 80205
Mondays: 8:00 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
10:39 AM, April 16, 2013
Scores
The Piccadilly Twitz (Winners in 2OT) 83
Circle Jerk du Soleil 83
Dave Smizik & the Velvet Merkins 82
Southern Punch to Denver's Nuggets 79
Slarty Fartburgers 68
Nature's Engineers 60
The Other One 32
A Comedy of Errors
That Guy in the Corner


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Quiz Schedule
Mondays, 8pm at the British Bulldog 		Mike (That Guy in the Corner)

Mike was a faithful quizzer for almost three years who finally fell victim to the siren call of becoming a quizmaster.  Translation: Getting paid to eat, drink, and joke at the expense of others was simply too much to resist.  Also, talking about himself in the third person is a major turn-on.

At first glance Mike probably qualify as more drink than geek, but he'll put his nerd street cred up against anyone brave enough to accept the challenge.  We're talking played World of Warcraft at a "WORLD CLASS" level here, people.  

There is, however, a soft spot reserved in his heart for good beer, bad puns, and obscure references so if you have any one of these to spare, come down to British Bulldog and get your quiz on!

Last night’s quiz was easily the most competitive we’ve seen in a while.  While I normally don’t care for recapping the events, I feel that an exception is warranted in this case. We had four teams who all could have pulled out the victory, if they had only gotten out of their own way.  Let me introduce you to these teams, along with highlighting how they hurt their own chances of winning last night’s quiz.

Southern Punch to Denver’s Nuggets

Their story:  A travelling band of gypsies (or teachers) who were in town for a conference on how to better control the children of America.  The ringleader of this bunch was none other than Waco, TX quizmaster Darin Brock.  Darin and I share a similar story as we were both longtime quizzers before deciding the join up as a QM.  I had high hopes for them and was not disappointed in the slightest, as they threw down a 15 point performance in round 2.

Their fuck-up:  Joker mismanagement.  That 15 point audio round I just mentioned?  No joker.  Their 11 point score in round 8?  Totally jokered.  Had they not made this mistake, they would have found themselves also involved in the tiebreaker we ended up having for first place.  A tiebreaker they claim they would have won.  Whoops.

Dave Smizik & the Velvet Merkins

Their story: A newish team of regulars, I was delighted to see that they had not only braved the elements, but also brought additional team members with the singular goal of winning the quiz.  Eye of the tiger, baby.  I enjoy this team because they tend to sit closer to where I’m set up and we get to chat a little throughout the night.  I especially enjoyed this team last night because of their flawless audio round that saw them score a perfect 16 backed with a joker.  Boom goes the dynamite.

Their fuck-up:  Hubris.  As I announced scores and standings, they held onto a 10 point lead over our second place team, The Piccadilly Twitz.  Now, I won’t deny that this is a pretty momentous occasion, but what I would recommend is not cheering like you just won the Super Bowl.  We still had a lot of quiz left at point, enough for them to squander this cushion and end up missing the final tiebreaker by one point.  Study your movies, kids.

Circle Jerk Du Soleil

Their story:  Their story is that they need no story.  These guys are a group that has been coming to Bulldog longer than I have been hosting.  Another team featuring a fellow QM, the odds were in their favor as Kent made his triumphant return after bringing another child into this world.  They were playing to honor this child, Clyde Somerset Shelton.  They would not be denied.

Their fuck-up:  Geography and listening, but mostly listening.  So when I give you a coffee variety and tell you to give me the country of origin, I mean it.  Kona coffee of course comes from the lovely state of Hawaii.  However, no matter how much we’d like to believe otherwise, Hawaii is not a country.  This lack of attention to detail cost them only a single point, but an important point it was.  Had they written ‘USA’, they’d have won the quiz.  Period, end of story.  But that was not the end of this particular story…

The Piccadilly Twitz

Their story:  Basically, look up the origins of the Galactic Empire from Star Wars.  Then double the evil.

Their fuck-up:  Not watching sports (see also: listening).  I’ll be the first to agree that the instructions for round 3 were a bit complicated.  I’ll also be the first to point out that the other six teams in attendance seemed to grasp the concept.  So, when I ask for the old name of a franchise that was relocated, I’d advise you give me what I want.  Or you’ll get a zero for the round.  Just like they did.  Even with this self-inflicted handicap, they found themselves in a tie for first place after the dust settled.  Through a more accurate guess as to the total population of Asia, they once again found themselves as the night’s winners, despite their best efforts.

The moral of tonight’s quiz?  Don’t fuck up, it’ll cost you.  Also, don’t believe meteorologists.  Ever.

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