Because we can never have enough prison rape material. Seriously, if it weren't for the threat of prison rape, I would absolutely be a career criminal. Drug trafficking, wet work, arson for fun; all of these would be things in which I would happily indulge if not for the threat of getting caught, sent to prison, and pounded in the pooper. There have been times I've thought twice about jaywalking because I'm not sure what the punishment is for that particular offense. I sometimes think that our society's tenuous grasp on civility is predicated wholly on the fear of getting butt-slammed behind bars. There's a reason it's called "the slammer," and it's got nothing to do with the metal doors.

Speaking of prison rape, check out a high school prom photo of my two favorite married Kouples, the Krupas and Kohens:

Note the boob stares and the terrified look on Emily's face. Just like their actual prom photos.

So yeah, we had Mr. and Mrs. Jewish Viking in the house last night all the way from ABQ. Their team of two other QM's (Score-O-Matt-ic and Who Brought that Girl?) and a spouse (Lesbot 069) -- the awesomely-named Emilio & The Amazing Technicolor Cum Shot -- would have won handily, too, if not for a certain someone showing up late and ruining their team count. I'll give you one guess to identify said spoiler in this next picture:

Hint: It's the person who looks like their dad just told them what a huge disappointment he is to the family.

And so on it goes, ever into the void.

That left Three Bob Night holding the big gift card, with Electric Dream Machine and Try To Prevent The Ass Looking rounding out the winners. Personally, I have given up on trying to prevent the ass looking; they're just so look-at-able.

Thanks, jerks. Let's do it all again next week. Quiz or die!

I was surprised that we actually had a decent turn out last night. A lot of times when the home baseball games start happening, we slow down a bit because parking can be an issue. And granted, we were a little quieter than our record turn out for last week, but you bunch of lively motherfuckers certainly kept the place vibrant.

Speaking of lively, we had a couple QM's in the house last night. From the Front Range gem that is Fort Collins, QM J was with us. And, from the Front Range (some kind of shitty rock that sucks) that is Colorado Springs, MechaQuizmaster was in the hoos. Here's a picture of their drunk asses:

You know Derek is drunk when he drinks water for the whole damn quiz. WATER! For shame, Mr. Knight. For shame.

Okay, That's all. Thanks for braving the shit show that is Opening Weekend for to quiz with us at WB. Now make like a tree and get out of here.

Like seriously, that was the most people we’ve ever had for a Whiskey Bar basement quiz. It was ridiculous. Here’s a picture, which doesn’t nearly do it justice:

So we ended up with 15 teams, but considering how many teams far exceeded their team limit (at least three), we probably could have had close to 20. In the basement of WB. Where our average of 8 to 10 teams feels full. Damn.

Granted, much of the unprecedented crowd was due to a couple of birthdays (And one false birthday. Where for wert thou, Michael?) that injected much drunken revelry. (And at least one bathroom-vomit incident. Don’t you people know how to hold your liquor? Damn.)

And we also had what sounded like midget wrestling right above our heads, didn’t it? Do they still call it “midget” wrestling? Or is the preferred term now “little person” wrestling? And instead of “clotheslines,” do they do “clothespins”? You know, because their arms are really short and have no joints? I guess I’ll have to consult the nearest Juggalo for concrete answers. And that’s the first time in history anyone has ever thought to consult a Juggalo for any kind of information that didn’t involve where to find crystal meth.

OK, that’s all I’ve got in me today. Happy birthdays to everyone from last night. Congratulations on being one year closer to the cold embrace of the ground.

• The Royal Hilltop - Aurora 8:00 PM
• Darcy's Bistro & Pub - Denver 8:30 PM
• Prickly Pete's - Denver 8:00 PM
• The Whiskey Bar - Denver 7:00 PM
• The Cheeky Monk - Westminster 9:00 PM
• The Ram (Meridian) - Meridian 9:00 PM
• Lisa's Restaurant & Lounge - Augusta 7:30 PM
• Opal Divine's (Marina) - Austin 10:00 PM
• Opal Divine's (Penn Field) - Austin 10:00 PM