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2:00 PM, August 26, 2012


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Scores

Unicorn Bukkake	80

Lust in Space	70

How Is This Your Fault?	68

Dr. Mindbender	68

The Re-Gifters	61

42	58

Preggers Can't Be Choosers	51

We Can't Win	25

Look Who's Sucking Now

Quizma$ter$ of the Univer$e

John Travolta. Maybe we shouldn't have let him "come back." I mean, yeah, Pulp Fiction was awesome, and he was awesome in it. But what has he done in the almost twenty years since? Get Shorty was pretty good, and a case can be made for Face/Off in a so-bad-it's-good kinda way. He was also in The Thin Red Line, which is a Terrence Malick movie, so that gives him a little credit, but something tells me it wouldn't have mattered if it was anyone else in that role.

But the vast majority of the last twenty years of Travolta's career has consisted of completely generic-sounding stuff like Primary Colors, A Civil Action, The General's Daughter, Domestic Disturbance, Lonley Heartzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Whoa, sorry, I totally bored myself to sleep just typing those completely forgettable (for the three people that actually went to see them) titles. And making generic, forgettable movies isn't that bad of a crime; Hell all actors turn out middle-of-the-road filler movies. He can be forgiven for those.

What Travolta can't be forgiven for, what he may have squandered his Pulp Fiction lifetime pass for are the following:

Battlefield Earth: The awfulness of this Scientology recruitment film has been talked about and dissected many, many times before, so I'm not gonna bother here. If for some reason you've never heard about how bad that movie is, feel free to Google the fuck out of it and read all of the vitriol you could ever care for. "Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way." - Roger Ebert

Phenomenon/Michael: Travolta used all of 1996 trying to convince the movie-going public of what he was obviously already convinced of. Namely, that he was some kind of tragic Scientology messiah. In both movies he has magical powers, and in both movies he dies, or something. Travolta had clearly allowed his ego get the better of him at this point, and he wasn't about to spare the good people who buy tickets to the cinema his indulgences.

Wild Hogs/Old Dogs: No, the second movie is not a sequel to the first. Apparently the director of these movies, Walter Becker, is only able to make movies with two-word titles that consist of an adjective that ends in "ld" and a noun that rhymes with "ogs." (Becker's next projects according to IMDB: Mild Frogs, Piled Logs, Filed Cogs, Sold Bogs.) And they must all star a far-past-his-shelf-life John Travolta and some other moldy, rotten white guys like Robin Williams and Tim Allen. I was on a plane once where the in-flight movie was Wild Hogs. It was on that day that I understood the desire to fly passenger jets into buildings.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the Great Travolta Experiment worked fine for a couple of movies, but it's ultimately done far more damage than good. It's time to put ol' Vinnie Barbarino back in his bubble. Or in a pine box. Anywhere far, far away from cameras. That Old Dog/Hog/Glog just doesn't hunt anymore.

***

Uh, so this is a thing that happened last night:

Knob indeed

***

So seriously, I really hate taking points away from teams (I promise, it's absolutely no fun for me), but when make a fairly long, impassioned point about phones and team sizes at the beginning of the quiz - and then you have phones out while I'm asking questions - I gotta do it. This does not make me happy, especially when it's a team in 1st place. I think in the future I'm not even going to bother telling the teams when I take points away. You'll always get the warning at the beginning, but if I even see one phone on the table during a round, I'm taking away your points for that round. I don't care if you're just texting your granny about tips on how to crochet a better dildo cozy. That can wait until scoring breaks.

***

OK, I'm done typing stupid shit on the internet for now. Go have a late-period John Travolta film festival and then try to not hang yourself with your belt in the closet. It's a fun game, you should try it.

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