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The Rackhouse Pub
203 S Kalamath St
Denver, CO 80223
Thursdays: 8:00 PM
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2:21 AM, August 31, 2012
Scores
Bears: Still the #1 threat to America 76
1st World Problems 67
It's My Birthday Dammit 65
Rape Babies for Ryan 65
Drinking Team With a Trivia Problem 64
Sooners Still Suck 61
Sandusky Day Care 59
The Leftovers 58
HGH Spells Winning 56
Beef Tits 49
Candy/Dave 29
Village of Euclid 26
Sexual Deviance for Dummies
Tex from Pittsburgh


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Thursdays @ 8 p.m. at the Rackhouse 		Matthew "Tex" (Tex from Pittsburgh)

FUN FACTS ABOUT ME:

I am married to a lovely lady and live in West Denver with my two lovely cats, Lucy and Trousers. We don't have any kids yet and my wife says we can't name any kids Lucy on account of that's what the cat's name is. If I'd have known that I would have named the cat something else, you know? 

The name of the gang is my neighborhood is the "West Ninth Fuk Puppets," judging by the graffiti in my alley.

I collect Cthulhu statuettes, paisley ties, aloha shirts, animal skulls, briar pipes, expired passports off of eBay and smashed pennies. I used to collect pogs but then they stopped selling them.

I've never broken an arm or leg, and never had chicken pox. I am immune to bedbug bites and nearly immune to mosquito bites.

I've been in three fights in my adult life and won 1 1/2 of them.

I went to Spain for my honeymoon. I had diarrhea for seven of the 10 days of the trip.

I won the Phoenix Public Schools spelling bee for 3rd grade in 1990. I got 100 percent on all my spelling tests in 4th grade except for the word "masquerade," which I spelled right, but I got a half point taken off because my sloppy cursive made the "u" look like a "v". But to hell with that. I spelled it right, give me the full point, right?

I must have done other stuff besides that, but that's about all I can think of.

In one of the best Simpsons episodes ever, "Lisa's Wedding," (which took place 15 years in the future, i.e. 2010 -- God, we're old) Marge says, "You know, Fox turned into a hardcore sex channel so gradually, I didn't even notice."

Well, the same thing's happening with Geeks Who Drink. By 2027, I guarantee we're going to have themed quizzes dedicated to bestiality. But we have to work up to all porn, all the time. Until then, we have to settle for an occasional round about sex now and then, like our Round 3 "Sexicography" questions. Y'all did decent, not great, on that round, so I thought I'd explain them a little further for you to get you prepared for the nonstop jizz questions in the future.

1. If your penis is tumescent, it means you have a boner. You may recall Principal Skinner trying to exchange a beach towel that says: "I got wood at Sequoia National Park." Skinner confesses that "I learned too late that it implied tumescence." Another way of saying tumescent is tumid, which is a rough synonym of turgid, which gave us the name Buck Turgidson, the throbbingly masculine name of George C. Scott's Air Force general in Dr. Strangelove.

2. Concupiscent means horny. This is one of the many words I learned during the summer I devoted to reading the works of Vladimir Nabokov. In Lolita, Humbert Humbert says of the eponymous nymphet: "Owing perhaps to constant amorous exercise, she radiated, despite her very childish appearance, some special languorous glow which threw garage fellows, hotel pages, vacationists, goons in luxurious cars, maroon morons near blued pools, into fits of concupiscence which might have tickled my pride, had it not incensed my jealousy."

3. Priapism is boner that won't go away. It's apparently a dangerous medical condition. It comes from the Greek fertility god Priapus, who had a giant, permanent boner. Priapic is another good word; it just means "pertaining to boners."

4. The prepuce is the foreskin. As in "The Holy Prepuce," or Jesus' foreskin, which a number of European churches have claimed to possess as a holy relic with magical powers. It also figures into the Feast of the Circumcision of Christ. I just read those two Wikipedia articles, and I must say, I'm as content as ever with my atheism.

5. Gokkun is a subgenre of porn in which a group of men jack off into a cup and a lady drinks the semen. Apparently, producers of Gokkun films in different country are in an arms race to see who can have their lady drink the jizz of the most men. The Japanese are winning the Gokkun race, as they have films in which the lady drinks the jizz of 200 men; the United States' best Gokkun clocks in at a paltry 140. By the way, Wikipedia has a pretty good illustration -- safe for work, surprisingly enough.

6. Agoraphilia is when you like to fuck in public places, such as Burger King bathrooms. It has the same root as agoraphobia, fear of open spaces. Agora- does mean open space, but more specifically a marketplace. 

7. Anorchia means you don't have balls. Orchis is the ancient Greek word for testicle. So the orchid flower basically means testicle, despite looking like a vulva. Apparently the roots look like testicles.

8. Papillon d'amour is French for "Butterflies of Love," but that's just a cute way of saying "infestation of pubic lice." When your case of crabs is really bad, they can move up to your eyelashes. Wanna see a picture of that?