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The Rackhouse Pub
203 S Kalamath St
Denver, CO 80223
Thursdays: 8:00 PM
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7:55 PM, June 15, 2012
Scores
Pretty Classy For a Hobo 83
No Name 72
Natural 68
Double Judas 63
Unicorn Shit Stain 60
Movin' On Up 58
The Red Tamborine Machine 55
Christopher Reeve Equestrian Team 48
The Sickness 46
Fraser University 37
Bustin' Makes Me Feel Good
Tex from Pittsburgh


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Thursdays @ 8 p.m. at the Rackhouse 		Matthew "Tex" (Tex from Pittsburgh)

FUN FACTS ABOUT ME:

I am married to a lovely lady and live in West Denver with my two lovely cats, Lucy and Trousers. We don't have any kids yet and my wife says we can't name any kids Lucy on account of that's what the cat's name is. If I'd have known that I would have named the cat something else, you know? 

The name of the gang is my neighborhood is the "West Ninth Fuk Puppets," judging by the graffiti in my alley.

I collect Cthulhu statuettes, paisley ties, aloha shirts, animal skulls, briar pipes, expired passports off of eBay and smashed pennies. I used to collect pogs but then they stopped selling them.

I've never broken an arm or leg, and never had chicken pox. I am immune to bedbug bites and nearly immune to mosquito bites.

I've been in three fights in my adult life and won 1 1/2 of them.

I went to Spain for my honeymoon. I had diarrhea for seven of the 10 days of the trip.

I won the Phoenix Public Schools spelling bee for 3rd grade in 1990. I got 100 percent on all my spelling tests in 4th grade except for the word "masquerade," which I spelled right, but I got a half point taken off because my sloppy cursive made the "u" look like a "v". But to hell with that. I spelled it right, give me the full point, right?

I must have done other stuff besides that, but that's about all I can think of.

Our "Crossing the Streams" round on streams and Ghostbusters reminded me yet again of a passage from my friend's prose poem "His Feathered Goose Was in the Midst":

 Me and my friends used to piss at the same time into the same toilet.  Pretend we were the Ghostbusters. 

“Whatever you do, don’t cross the streams.”

“Steady....Steady....”

And the streams would cross.

“Holy shit!”

This always ended with the bathroom being covered in piss.       

Ah yes, I think every male born in the mid-'70s through early '80s did the old piss-stream Ghostbusters routine. But that's not what I came here to tell you about. I'm here to talk about a weird dueling cartoons that cropped up in the 1980s. A classic case is that of Gobots and Transformers. In that case, Tonka's Gobots came out a few months ahead of Hasbro's Transformers, but the latter soon beat its competitor and eventually bought it out in 1991 (read about the competing robot franchises in exhaustive detail here).

But Gobot v. Transformers made sense -- two companies with different takes on the same idea. But then there was Ghostbusters v. The Real Ghostbusters, two cartoons and toy lines that had the exact same name. How the hell was that possible? It's like having The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles v. The REAL Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Doesn't intellectual property law exist solely to prevent situations like that?

"The Real Ghostbusters" was the one that the cool kids watched. It was based on the movie and had Venkman, Ray, Egon and Winston. It even had Slimer, but as a sidekick instead of adversary, which made no fucking sense to me as 5-year-old.

The other show, the one simply called "Ghosbusters," was the show favored by those second graders who sat in the back of the class farting on their hands and then smelling their hands. Instead of the crew from the movie, it had two random assholes plus a giant fucking gorilla who only make obnoxious grunting noises and wore short shorts, no shirt, a backpack and a hat like Indiana Jones' idiot cousin would've worn. And instead of Slimer, there was some lameass called Prime Evil, which is a pun on Primeval -- i.e. a joke that exactly 0 percent of the show's target audience understood. Which I guess isn't that significant, because I understand the pun now and it is about as funny as cat AIDS.

The Real Ghostbusters toys were awesome, and you could buy actual slime! The other Ghostbusters toys were utter dogballs and seemed to exist solely for your grandma to buy it for your birthday instead of getting you the good toys because she was stupid and wanted to ruin your birthday and you told her so, and then later your mom hit you for making your grandma cry.

So how did such an obviously inferior cartoon get to right to be called "Ghostbusters," while the one based on the movie had to use the "Real" qualifier? Well it seems Filmation, the company who made the crappy version, had in 1975 put out a live-action Saturday morning kids' TV show starring Larry Storch and Forrest Tucker of "F Troop" fame. And it was called "The Ghost Busters." I really love F Troop and both of these actors, but holy fuck, they are no Ray Parker, Jr. -- just witness this abomination of a theme song. 

When Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis wanted to call their movie "Ghostbusters," they bought the rights from Filmation, but the company retained the rights to a cartoon version. And that's the story of that.

We also had a quiz, and I was genuinely glad to see all of you and enjoyed your company. My nipples literally exploded with delight. Literally.