The Park Tavern & Restaurant
931 E 11th Ave
Denver, CO 80218
Wednesdays: 8:00 PM
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Much like your parents, Josh Motherfucking Johnson wasn't mad at your performance on R2, he was just disappointed. You could tell by his judgmental slight head shake. He just hopes you try harder next time. And he's taking your car keys away for a week.
Brad draws racially insensitive animal stereotypes
I'm not sure that I'm technically a pedophobic, but I can totally sympathize; children can be fucking terrifying. They're like these weird little aliens who see the world in this completely different way from normal human beings (grown folk). Also, they smell bad and are often covered in various combinations of their own (and probably others') bodily fluids. Imagine a reality where it's acceptable to walk around all day wearing your own waste products as perfume. Do you want to live in that world? Well, that's the world that children live in. And (some) adults have to live there with them.
Furthermore, they don't drink or do drugs (probably). How can I trust a creature who's never been fucked up before but still thinks it's OK to spin around in circles until they get dizzy and fall down? I don't think I can.
Plus, I read this study once that said a majority of children spend many of their nights standing outside of their parents' bedroom doors, holding a knife while talking to their imaginary friends. Truth. And people purposely bring these little horrifying alien creatures into their homes!
In summation, the aliens have been here all along, and they are us.
All right, now that I've terrified myself, I'm going to curl up into a fetal position and rock myself into catatonia. Be afraid; they're everywhere.