The Park Tavern & Restaurant
931 E 11th Ave
Denver, CO 80218
Wednesdays: 8:00 PM
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Y’know, you do several hundred of these blogs and sometimes you can’t muster quite enough give-a-shit to give them a clever title. Same goes for the actual body of this thing. I don’t know what to write about last night, do you? I mean, sure, there was Josh Motherfucking Johnson being a dick to some teams about something that escapes my mind, but that’s nothing new. (You’d be a dick, too, if you had to spend your formative years in the land where NYC sends its solid waste.) Oh, and there was the part where I spared you the misfortune of having to watch eight clips of graphic regurgitation, so you can thank me for that, I guess.
But, fuck, I don’t know what else to write about last night. Plus I’ve been procrastinating on The Internet, which, you know, takes up a lot of time. Speaking of which: Hey, did you know that Yahoo! is still a functioning company? What exactly is their function in 2012 anyway, besides where people go to find weird news? I’m serious; I have no fucking idea what purpose Yahoo! serves that would necessitate 700,000 people to still have passwords with them. My theory is that the only people who still have Yahoo! passwords are dead grandmothers who never deactivated their email accounts before they passed. Imagine all of the unopened Blue Mountain Greeting Cards just lying dormant in Nanas’ inboxes across the globe. Jesus, that’s a sad fucking thought.
Ugh, and now I hate myself because I just looked up Katy Perry’s version of “Boogie Woogie Whatever the Fuck” (I felt my dick start to shrink just from typing part of that) from R2 last night. I’ll spare you the link because I don’t hate your guts, but suffice to say if that version had happened in1944, the Nazis would won. And we would have deserved it. I love to look at Katy Perry about the same amount as I hate to listen to most of her music. Which is to say, a lot.
I’m glad that little dumbshit Macaulay Culkin died from bee stings in that one movie. Fuck that kid. Weirdly, though, Anna Chlumsky turned out to be surprisingly hot when she grew up. Definitely didn’t see that coming. She's on that HBO show Veep, which is really fucking good.
Go read The Andromeda Strain.
All right, did I write enough for you vultures? Are you happy with the effort (if not necessarily forethought) I put into it? Does this haircut make me look fat? Or is it just that fact that I'm actually fat that makes me look fat? Either way, I'm done writing for the day. I'll see you guys next week unless Illuminati come for me. That would awesome.