The Irish Snug
1201 E Colfax
Denver, CO 80218
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
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Let’s start this blog off with a list of things that adults should never use as exclamations in real life or on social networks:
Seriously, if you’re an adult who has ever typed “squeal!” or “squee!” or “le sigh” on facebook as a response to something that pleases you, please, don’t do that. It makes you look foolish and it’s really embarrassing for the rest of us to read. Also, it makes us feel icky. Also, you should probably not ever use the word “icky” either. You’re a grown person, now act like it.
Since absolutely no one has asked my opinion on the whole Snoop Dogg → Snoop Lion thing that is apparently a thing now, I will tell you: I have absolutely no opinion on this topic. Having an opinion about this would give it a substance that it doesn’t deserve. In fact, despite the fact that the overabundance of evidence points to the contrary, I really try to not have opinions at all, if I can help it. Like they say, opinions are like assholes: everyone has one and eventually we all get fucked because of them.
You know, if we lived in a world where people weren’t such delicate, sensitive little flowers, Timothy McVeigh would actually be a great spokesperson for Ryder Trucks. I mean think about it. Picture in your mind, a poster showing the smoldering husk of the Oklahoma Federal Building in the background, the decimated carcass of a Ryder truck in the foreground, and an overlay of Tim McVeigh in the bottom lefthand corner with the quote “Can your moving truck do this?”
Fuck off, that’s a great fucking ad right there. If we didn’t live in a world of delicate, precious flowers pretending to be human beings, that's an ad that would rent some goddamn moving trucks. Granted, there’s a higher-than-likely chance that those trucks would be used to haul explosive fertilizer for use in acts of domestic terrorism, but hey, I‘m stimulating the economy over here. Cut me some slack.
OK, I’m fucking over blogging for today. I’m gonna go watch the amazing most recent episode of Breaking Bad again and realize that nothing will ever be as great as that stupid goddamn television show. Get fucked. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Like, seriously, go have some sex.