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The Irish Snug 1201 E Colfax Denver, CO 80218 Tuesdays: 8:00 PM View All Posts |
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Scores
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I probably don’t need to elaborate anymore on that joke in the title, but I might as well, just so I have something to blog about. So, yeah, the whole “soccer is not a real manly man’s game” thing really is a pretty low-hanging-fruit (!) of a joke, but it’s one I find quite a bit of traction in simply because soccer fans still get so riled up about it. You know who I’m talking about: those ostensibly Americans who insist on calling soccer “football” and actual football “American football.” Yeah, those people get bent the fuck up out of shape when you say anything even remotely disparaging their precious little footsie game. And since I love – LOVE – to fuck with any ridiculous thing people take overly-serious, I feel obligated – nay, duty bound – to make fun of soccer and the people who love it.
The best was the one time I was running a quiz in a sports bar where there were a significant number of people watching some soccer competition; the type that cheers for every shot on goal, no matter how far off the mark it may go. So they’re being generally loud and obnoxious in their admiration of a bunch of French men kicking each other, while we’re trying to play a perfectly civilized game that allows shut-ins their one night to socialize, right? That’s when I said “I know you guys are really pretty into your women’s tennis match right now, but if you could just pipe down for a couple minutes so I can finish reading this round, I would greatly appreciate it,” or something along those lines. Ha ha, chuckle chuckle, whatever. But like two minutes later, like he’d been stewing about it that entire time, some dude comes from across the room to indignantly inform me that they were, in fact, watching soccer, not women’s tennis. Yes, I said, that was the joke. I was equating soccer with women’s tennis.
At this point he got so very huffy-puffy and looked me up and down and asked me what sports I played in school, NHL ’96? Although I was a huge fan of EA’s NHL ’93 (obviously the best instalment in that series), I answered truthfully: football, baseball, basketball. You know, real sports, I said. At this response, his indignation knew no bounds, and having no other comeback, he simply grimaced and stormed off back to his soccer friends. Having been verbally defeated by a fat, sedentary guy sitting in front of a laptop, I have no doubt that, in the safety and comfort of said soccer friends, he badmouthed “that fat asshole” who had just disparaged his favorite pastime. But no matter, the victory was decisive, and he was left metaphorically writhing on the ground, bleeding, much like this.
So yeah, that's why making fun of soccer and soccer fans will always be fun as fuck.
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No surprise on who got a fucking 15 on R6 last night. I should have known that Goddamn Evil Rob would have fucking known all of those song years. This is what happens when you mix AssBurger's and a penchant for pop music.
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I fucking knew someone was going to bring a goddamn hacky Sherman Hemsley team name to quiz last night, but my money was on Moving on Up... To Heaven. Instead we got Moving on Down... 6 Feet, which is somehow not even as good.
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OK, I'm done for the day. Try not to get sent to prison in the next week. And if you do get sent to prison, try not to drop the soap. By which I mean, try not to get raped, anally.