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Prickly Pete's
5151 Leetsdale Dr
Denver, CO 80246
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2:02 PM, February 05, 2012
Shadynasty 78

What the fuck is the internet 73

Something with Uranus 72

Just the tip 69

Give us our kathy back!!! 67

Vandelay Industries 64

Team Rock Hard 58

Take the Mustache Ride 51

Eigen's Vices 50

Gabriel 49

Double P's 46

Pretty Bitches 36

Capt. Geech and the shrimp shack shooters 32

Tex from Pittsburgh


Quiz Schedule
Wednesdays, 7:30 p.m. at the Abbey Tavern
Matthew "Tex" (Tex from Pittsburgh)


UPDATE: The below is all still accurate, except now I live in East Denver, plus I have a 1-year-old boy now. Also, I'm not sure what the gang is in my new neighborhood.

I am married to a lovely lady and live in West Denver with my two lovely cats, Lucy and Trousers. We don't have any kids yet and my wife says we can't name any kids Lucy on account of that's what the cat's name is. If I'd have known that I would have named the cat something else, you know? 

The name of the gang is my neighborhood is the "West Ninth Fuk Puppets," judging by the graffiti in my alley.

I collect Cthulhu statuettes, paisley ties, aloha shirts, animal skulls, briar pipes, expired passports off of eBay and smashed pennies. I used to collect pogs but then they stopped selling them.

I've never broken an arm or leg, and never had chicken pox. I am immune to bedbug bites and nearly immune to mosquito bites.

I've been in three fights in my adult life and won 1 1/2 of them.

I went to Spain for my honeymoon. I had diarrhea for seven of the 10 days of the trip.

I won the Phoenix Public Schools spelling bee for 3rd grade in 1990. I got 100 percent on all my spelling tests in 4th grade except for the word "masquerade," which I spelled right, but I got a half point taken off because my sloppy cursive made the "u" look like a "v". But to hell with that. I spelled it right, give me the full point, right?

I must have done other stuff besides that, but that's about all I can think of.

You guys are too nice. I filled in for your regularly scheduled quizmistress (who should be back next week) and you totally won my hearts. Team Give Us Our Kathy Back!!! got the most points in my book for having excellent taste in music and for one of their team members having opened for Elliott Smith's band three times.  (And by the way, team Kathy, Van Gogh totally shot himself.) But in the end, it's not my book that counts, its the Excel spreadsheet in which I record the actual score from the quiz.

And there might've been a slight irregularity there, with second and third places maybe being switched around, but you guys are so sweet-natured that it was easy to fix. At any other establishment I would've been beaten up and gutted like a pig, or at least verbally abused. 

Congrats to Shadynasty (am I saying that right? Shady-nasty, right?), our first place team. The secret of their success? A jokered 14 in the music round and a perfect book-naming round.

It was neck and neck between What the fuck is the Internet? and Something with Uranus. In the end, that vast series of tubes prevailed over my anus. Though I just have to say, I've never met a classier team than Something with Uranus -- hold your heads high, Uranus, you done good and you've got morals and character that will stand you in good stead throughout life, not just at quiz.

Here's something that will stand everyone in good stead for the rest of their lives -- A Field Guide to Petes of North America:

Prickly Pete: A shriveled, green, spiky, three-pronged dildo -- with a smiley face on it.

Sneaky Pete: A quality two-piece pool cue designed to look like a lower-end, one-piece house cue. Used by pool hustlers to camouflage the fact that they're pool hustlers with classy equipment.

Pete & Pete: Two redheaded brothers who hang out with Iggy Pop and Michael Stipe.

Pistol Pete: Your dad's favorite basketball player.

Willie Pete: Military slang for white phosphorus, which burns the hell out of you.

Pete (Disney character): The Disney character that no one knows or cares about. He's a cat, apparently.

Pete's Kitchen: The place that won't admit patrons unless they blow a 0.20 blood alcohol content and serves delicious food that looks like this.

Illegal Pete: Like Chipotle, but shittier.

Good night, Prickly Pete. May our paths cross again.