Round seven was all songs for white people to dance to. What this really translates to is "the wedding DJ playlist." It's not that the songs are bad, per se. Actually, it's exactly that. These songs are all objectively awful. And yet they show up at every wedding so that Aunt Judy can go up after her sixth glass of wine and spasm along to the instructions ('cause you know that DJ is gonna get up and teach everyone the Electric Slide).

A wedding is a special day, damnit. Two people who love each other enough to spend the rest of their lives together. Or a woman who loves money enough to marry an old guy in hopes that he dies before he ever achieves an erection. Or a 14 year old that falls in love with her prophet and chooses of her own free will to spend her life as wife #7. Or a green card marriage. What matters is that every wedding is special, and the playlist should be as well.

You don't see every wedding using the same cake, do you? Or even cake at all! The last one I was at (a week ago - congrats again, Matt and Sam!) had cupcakes. CUPCAKES! I had a key lime one. It was delicious. That's thinking outside the box. The DJ also taught us the Thriller dance. Sure, it's only marginally different than the others, but it shows an extra level of dedication on his part. It's hard to make a bunch of white folk move like MJ.

What I'm saying is that if I ever fool a woman into marrying me, the Macarena will not make an appearance. The only chance of Achy Breaky Heart showing up is if somebody actually kills Billy Ray Cyrus as a wedding gift. Got it? Good.

One quick note before I go: There is NO QUIZ NEXT WEEK! Moe's is taking part in the Westword Underground Music Showcase. It should be pretty cool, so feel free to come by and check it out anyway, but don't expect to quiz.
Seacrest, Out.

• The Royal Hilltop - Aurora 8:00 PM
• Darcy's Bistro & Pub - Denver 8:30 PM
• Prickly Pete's - Denver 8:00 PM
• The Whiskey Bar - Denver 7:00 PM
• The Cheeky Monk - Westminster 9:00 PM
• The Ram (Meridian) - Meridian 9:00 PM
• Lisa's Restaurant & Lounge - Augusta 7:30 PM
• Opal Divine's (Marina) - Austin 10:00 PM
• Opal Divine's (Penn Field) - Austin 10:00 PM