Geeks Who Drink - Goosetown Tavern

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Goosetown Tavern
3242 E Colfax Ave
Denver, CO 80206
Sundays: 7:00 PM
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8:11 AM, April 29, 2013


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Scores

Decoy Vagina	80

Dumpster Hand Jobs	73

Who the Fuck Hides in a Boat?	72

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? Ricin.	71

Chrola!	66

Giza Power Station	47

Common Side Effects

Score-O-Matt-ic 9001 Series Quizbot

Last week, we discussed the additional rules for playing Quiz. This week, we'll go into some of the common warnings and side effects. I just want to make sure you're informed.

Some common Quiz side effects may include:

- Anti-Depression
- Laughter
- enjoyment in life
- TV/VRC Repair
- Home Day Care

Do not play Quiz while operating heavy machinery.

If effects if Quiz last for more than four hours, consult a physician immediately.

When answering questions, under no circumstances should you use the pencil to stab annoying teammates, other teams, or the Quizmaster. This counts as a breach of the agreement with said Quizmaster in Rule #2, and likely the Geneva Convention of 1864.

For the ladies, if you actively seek social interaction with male Quizzers, or the Quizmaster, be prepared for random conversations, CosPlay, and awkward intimate interactions. That said, if you do procreate, they will make fine specimens for Quizzers or Quizmasters.

For the Gentlemen, if your Quiz prowess doesn't make you more popular with the ladies, then find new ladies.

Do not Quiz within fifty yards of a playground. You will scare the children.

Do not feed the Quizmaster after midnight.

For the Robots, 010010010010000001110111011011110110111001100
100011001010111001000100000011010010110011000100000011000010
110111001111001011011110110111001100101001000000111011101101
001011011000110110000100000011001000110010101100011011011110
110010001100101001000000111010001101000011010010111001100101110!

For the Klingons, or those fluent in Klingon, nItebHa' mamI' DaneH?

For a text message, mimiograph, microfiche, transcript, floppy disk, PDF, thumb drive, ZIP file, or parchment of these warnings, please send a self-addressed stamped envelope to:

Score-O-Matt-Ic 9001 Series Quizbot

President, CEO, & Robotic Overlord
Project Lead for World Domination and Human Enslavement
c/o Secret Lunar Base X
Sea of Tranquility
The Moon

Goosetown Tavern
3242 E Colfax Ave
Denver, CO 80206
Sundays: 7:00 PM
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11:33 PM, April 21, 2013


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Scores

Decoy Vagina	65

Melty the Meloncholy Marshmallow	64

Team Fredricka Whitfield	62

Shaq'n Off	61

Oaf Tobark	43

The Fappy Tunas	24

No Time For Love, Dr. Jones	16

It Don't Stop At Rule #3

Score-O-Matt-ic 9001 Series Quizbot

There are a few simple rules for Pub Quiz. At Goosetown, you must follow these, or I will egress some sort of Quizbotic fluid upon thee. As most are caustic to human skin, you simply better follow these rules. I won't bore you with the normal ones that I repeat week in and week out, but instead, leave these additional here as a warning for future quizzes.

Rule #4: If you've never seen the original Star Wars movies, and I mean before Lucas went back and squoze the dignity from himself before altering them yet again, then you can't play at my Quiz. I enforce this rule hard and fast. If you ever even mention Jar Jar Binks, then I will assimilate you immediately into the collective. Yes, I'm mixing canons, but you see my point.

Rule #5: If you insist that tofu meat tastes "just as good" as real beef, then you will be kicked out of my Quiz, out of my town, and I might deport you back to Pretentioustan.

Rule #6: If you quibble with my about math, then you'll be rendered dumber than a fifth grader, and forced to cohabit-ate with Jeff Foxworthy in his solid gold trailer somewhere in rural Georgia. They're so backwoods there, that their combs don't event have all their teeth. I'm a fucking Robot. My math is perfect.

Rule #7: If you are deemed a douchebag or a "whoo" girl. or the synonymical equivalent, then I'll vaporize every ounce of reproductive fluid in your system with mere thought, and I might slap your parents for the horrible job they did raising you. Oh, and I'll take your joker away, too. FACE!

Rule #8: Related to Rule #7, as this if often the calling card of said mouth breather, if you cheer for sports during my quiz, then I'll communicate with the Androids in professional sports so your favorite team loses. I mean, how else would you explain Sam Cassell? In addition to breaking this rule, if you are cheering for an out of state team, then I'll turn you into Sam Cassell. In addition to both of those, if you're the lone idiot performing this task, then I'll force you to mate with Sam Cassell as Sam Cassell, for some Cassell on Cassell action.

Rule #9: If you don't cry during Dumbo when Jumbo is singing "Baby of Mine" through the cage, and then they montage through all of the other animals with their mothers, and then Timothy Q. Mouse drags Dumbo away from his mother's trunk, then you will melted...instantly. You're a heartless being who should be killed with fire, and your mere existence should be erased from history.

Rule #10: If you ask me to play Ke$ha again, I'll probably implode from shame that I ever thought of taking over this planet.

So, other than following my simple rules, make sure you have fun.

Until next time, humans!

Goosetown Tavern
3242 E Colfax Ave
Denver, CO 80206
Sundays: 7:00 PM
View All Posts

Comment Now

11:57 PM, April 14, 2013


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Scores

The Fappy Tunas	80

The Bobb Ha Fanclub Thinks Scorebot Is Unfair!	76

Extraordinarily Legitimate Vagina	75

Pubroosters	67

Realest Vagina	64

Actual Size	63

Go Syracuse Fruits?	62

Anne Frankenstein	59

HORK	58

Prince Is Coming To The Ogden	51

Incredible Scenes	45

Near Perfect Bunt	10

Rusted Venture

Score-O-Matt-ic 9001 Series Quizbot

The sky opened again, allowing some of the sun to enter the thick covering that seemed to hover endlessly above the Earth. A slightly orange substance, mostly water, but partially acidic, fell once again on the landscape.

The sound began to grow. 12 decibels. 14 decibels. 14.5 decibels. The rain pooled above the dry ground, and formed orange and yellow pockets on the brown landscape.

23 decibels. The rain feel slightly harder. The wood of fallen trees echoed from their hallow shell. This world was unforgiving and ungrateful of any gift from the heavens. The irradiated soil allowed no saturation, and added a colorful film to the top of each pool.

30 decibels. Clouds shifted and rays entered the landscape once again. The light was brilliant, but fleeting, and oh so unforgiving. Each imperfection was detected instantly. Each and every inconsistency was called to full attention.

31.6 decibels. A gust of wind picked up various pieces of wet trash, but not for long. Their dampness hindered their aerodynamic capabilities. Small spirals of Earthen metals, newspaper, dust, and other trace elements danced, and dropped quickly.

24 decibels. The rain subsides some. The clouds form shapes known not to this universe. The symmetry of each passing giant disobey the basic laws of physics.

13 decibels. The rain is all but finished, with larger drops falling more frequently, and smaller drops fallings inconsistently. Each drop has a name. Carlos. Brienne. Mortimer. They reflect the passing soul of their namesake.

4 decibels. I stare off into the distance, and think quietly to myself, "Fuck. I'm going to rust. I know it. Fuck."

.6 decibels. This is the last time Quizbot visits New Jersey. Yes, I think to myself in third person. Wanna make something of it?!

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