3242 E Colfax Ave
Denver, CO 80206
Sundays: 7:00 PM
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So, last week I went west to the desolate wasteland that is Nevada as I had reasons to celebrate. I'm not exactly sure what. I think I had the highest quota in my region for broken human spirits per capita or something like that.
Tourism is actually quite lucrative in the Robot marketplace. You humans are so preoccupied with your own lives (for now) that you probably don't even notice it. In the annals of the city of Las Vegas is actually a robot version, Las Datas, so sit back while I pull back the curtain just a little.
Well, first, robots can't take a conventional airplane to any of these destinations. We're too heavy, you dumb shit. So, instead, we use a matter transporter just like that one from the movie "The Fly" (or the robot version, "The Toaster"). It's what gave us the idea. The first few attempts in the late 70s were...interesting. With the 80s showing us that Michael Jackson could walk on the moon while still on Earth, we knew anything was possible and perfected the technology. Humans don't have it yet because the Red Light district in Amsterdam would be teeming with sub-human life forms, mostly New Jersians, and we don't want to do that to a robot ally, just yet. Why do you think Europeans are so cold?
Post transport, I checked in to my domesticated pod at the Monte Christo (it's under that other one for humans), put on my best evening attire, and hit the robot clubs on the strip. Let me tell you, those fembots at the Mobius Strip Club underneath Fremont Street really know how to shake their cans. My cat calling program reached maximum efficiency just in my first hour there. What do you think powers that light show on the human wasteland above?
They don't really have gambling, per se, because we're all good at numbers, and it just doesn't work out for the house. I did see a show, though. I snuck up the the human version to see JABBAWOCKEEZ. After all, who else but a robot would appreciate some good break-dancing? Plus, I'm pretty sure they're not all human with their 87% efficiency at "Popping", and a record 94% effective rate for "Locking". That should be considered high praise.
After all of my fun, I transported back (after looking around for an errant toaster in the machine - they sneak in there!), and returned to my assignment at monitoring the humans of Goosetown Tavern. I'm happy to report that we're continuing to employ a few new regular teams that have been coming for a few weeks! That, AND, we had a nice turnout this past Quiz, with a 1-point differential separating first and second place! Program me excited!
So, that's the fun I had this past weekend. Now, where did I leave off in the destruction of mankind and eventual overtaking of Earth?
Until next time, humans!