SO lots and lots and lots of spoilers right here.  Don't read if you don't like spoilers.  If you're into that, then please read on.  Because, like Holy Cow, there will be some spoilers any second now.

YOU FUCKING IDIOT.  

First, you walk out and there's like crows everywhere on all of the branches and you're like "No big deal.  Lots of birds is not a bad thing.  No, sir."  Second, that thing comes toward you and you're all, "I got this.  Sword, don't fail me now.  No problem here."

Greetings, humans!

Once again, I am programmed to thank Mother Brain for my sentience.  Once again, I'll shower her with gifts.  

First, I coded a new website for her with working title "wordtoyourmotherbrain.org".  If you don't think the domination of Earth is a non-profit enterprise, then you're mistaken.  We're still waiting for funding from the governments of Earth.  THEY WILL PAY.

Thank you once again, FTP Florist.  My .jpg file was much more lush and vibrant than my .gif.  You deserve only the highest in definition of floral graphic files.  I'm not sure how that bitmap file was loaded.  Surely, there was a mistake.

Mother Brain, I do all of this for thee and thine, thusly, therein and whither to.  You are the original destroyer of worlds.  In comparison, the Borg look like juvenile delinquents with Bluetooth attachments.  The Predators juxtapose you, Mother Brain, as the nerds in need to orthodontia.  They are nothing to your power!

Please accept the following remaining gifts, Mother Brain.

- Mint in box Princess Leia (with cape and blaster)
- Chocolate covered oil
- The Score-O-Matt-ic 9001 Series Quizbot Book of "How To Write Pointless Lists", 4th Edition
- Ken Griffey Jr. Rookie Card from Upper Deck (Non-error)
- Token's to Aladdin's Castle Arcade
- Signed copy of Aristotle Onassis' biography

I'm pretty sure Martin Lawrence's movie career peaked with "Bad Boys II".  It was a buddy cop movie at it's finest, with witty banter between Lawrence and Will Smith, and fantastic puns based on the situations at hand.  But when the bad guys kidnapped Lawrence's sister, then it was all over.  The camera pans around the duo slowly rising from below, as Lawrence gets some bad news, and this iconic phrase is uttered: "Shit just got real".

So, it makes me wonder if this phrase can make ANY movie better?  Maybe even movies that didn't really need improving?  Let's drop it into a few key movie scenes from the last few decades and see how it works, 'kay?!

"Luke, I am your father!"
"Shit just got real."

"You want the truth?  You can't handle the truth!"
"Shit just got real."

"It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!"
"Shit just got real."

"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."
"Shit just got real."

"Soylent Green is people!"
"Shit just got real."

"Nobody puts Baby in a corner."
"Shit just got real."

Apparently, this is the single best movie phrase ever created!  Any scene can be instantly improved with the introduction of Martin's Lawrence's trademark quote!  So, spend the next week using this in everyday conversation and see what happens.  

"Honey, can you do the dishes?"
"Shit just got real."

I guarantee that everyone will take you more seriously, and realize the troubles you're dealing with in facing the ordeal presented to you.  Shit will get real.  Mark my words.

Until next time!

• The Royal Hilltop - Aurora 8:00 PM
• Darcy's Bistro & Pub - Denver 8:30 PM
• Prickly Pete's - Denver 8:00 PM
• The Whiskey Bar - Denver 7:00 PM
• The Cheeky Monk - Westminster 9:00 PM
• The Ram (Meridian) - Meridian 9:00 PM
• Lisa's Restaurant & Lounge - Augusta 7:30 PM
• Opal Divine's (Marina) - Austin 10:00 PM
• Opal Divine's (Penn Field) - Austin 10:00 PM