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So, I almost died this week. I know, you aren’t remotely interested, but it’s my blog, so fuck you. By “almost died,” I may be slightly exaggerating. In reality, I got caught in a hailstorm while hiking, and ended up soaked to the bone and covered in welts by the time I reached the bottom of the hill. At the top of the ridge, I was dodging lightning; at the bottom, I had to strip down to my skivvies in a relatively busy intersection of the national park in order to avoid hypothermia. That said, there is a certain rush to driving an hour out of the mountains with no pants on while the person next to you in the car is wearing nothing but a wool blanket wrapped around his body like a fuzzy grey toga. Sigh.
Then, we have to deal with psychopaths and douchebags, like the fuck bag from the movie theater incident, or this new nut job in Florida who wants to eat children. What is this world coming too? PS – I am not heading to Florida anytime soon, occasional blue state or no. And I live in Colorado. And both these psychos deserve to have their balls pulled out through their mouths. But I don’t want to dwell on negativity.
Instead, I’d like to dedicate this Haiku to the Douchey McDouche with the big vagina mouth that kept loudly queefing bullshit during round one:
Rubber: not metal;
It seeps from a special tree.
Not an element.
When you shout answers,
It makes you sound mad douchey,
Just like this asshole.
Speaking of Haiku, look at all the shitty fictional Japanese cities you pulled out of your asses: Yamanaville, Kittakyushoo, Godzilla!!!, Taipei, Shitno (did you mean Shinto?), New Los Angeles, Gojira, Fukuroundeye.
The following sports do not have epic and similar sounding theme music to the REAL sports mentioned in round 7: lacrosse, fencing, polo, nascar, figure skating, cricket, synchronized swimming, table tennis, nor tonsil hockey with the QM. However, I’m ready to lobby the Olympic committee on behalf of that last one…
Once again, we packed the hizzy at Luscious Nectar. The quiz saw the triumphant return of KIM JUNG IL’S LITTLE URBAN ACHIEVERS! And by triumphant, I mean they kicked you all in the watooooosi. Also, we gave away some crazy Zip-It game from the Bananagrams people. And a good time was enjoyed by all!
Winners, KIM JUNG IL'S LITTLE URBAN ACHIEVERS...