I've never understood the vitriolic reaction some people have toward sports. And I'm not talking about the iconic Huey Lewis and the News album, GOD KNOWS you would risk a violent, axe-filled death if you dared speak out against THAT. No, I'm talking about sports. The kinds played professionally and collegiately and little leaguey and recreationally all across this great land. Heck, it's almost as if the sport-denouncers feel a greater sense of self as they eschew sports with the kind of hatred usually reserved for kitten rapists or the people responsible for the demise of Carnation® Breakfast Bars™ (look, don't pretend like you don't remember them because, if you're older than...say...28, you should. You should recall them fondly in all their oddly crumbly glory AND YOU SHOULD WEEP DAILY FOR THEIR ABSENCE). I get it, I mean...There's a lot of shit I don't pay attention to...But I don't look at it and say "hey, I'm TOO SMART to pay attention to THAT." I will admit, I've never watched a single episode of Firefly or Doctor Who but I own an Adipose, I sympathize with the plight of the poor Etsy vendors over their Jayne hat woes and I wouldn't dismiss any of this sci-fi stuff categorically until I've actually taken some time to try and understand it. Granted, I say all this as I type, sitting in my basement filled with Broncos and Avalanche Memorabilia, the smell of my recently used hockey gear wafting into the room BUT THERE'S THAT ADIPOSE! Right over there...next to my shiny "GEEK" bling. See? These things CAN live in harmony. So don't bitch about sports. Sports loves you, why are you so indifferent towards it? Tell you what, you watch a hockey game, I'll watch an episiode of Star Trek or some shit and then everyone's life is richer. OH, yeah, and you might answer a couple more questions correctly.

And speaking of answering questions, correctly or otherwise...

Hot damn, we had a quiz. And not just any quiz, oh no, it was quite the rocking variety with thirteen spirited teams competing for all the marbles. We brought the room down early with a current events style round all about bad shit happening across the globe, took a trip to paradise in round two, talked all nerdy in round three...Shee-it, I could laundry-list the content OR I could recount the evening's events utilizing the time-honored Japanese poetry form...of Haiku...

Yes, Louie, we know.
The server is attractive.
Now go home, yer drunk.

So, Gary Gygax
had ALL THE SEX. WITH LADIES.
HA! Take that, nerd stigma.

So...Wasabi Lays.
APPARENTLY they exist.
So go find me some.

There was quite the protracted battle for the top 3 slots on Thursday evening. Ok, who am I kidding...There was quite the battle for second and third place, which was anybody's game right up until the end of the night. When all the quiz dust settled, Evil Dead: Hamburger landed in third place while Raptor Attack claimed second. The champeens for the evening, crushing all competition with 84 big points were Stupid Sexy Flanders. They were a team that knew some shit (and only one of two to crack double digits in round 8). As always, big thanks to everyone who came out to show off their big brain. It's always a super fun time for me, and I know it's big fun for you as well. SO LET'S HAVE THE BIG FUN, BABY! Come back again NEXT Thursday and we will DO THIS. DAYUM!

So let's discuss the concept of "writer's block," shall we? it's a topic that crosses my mind at least every single time that I sit down to bang out one of these blogs, as should be readily apparent. It's a concept I find intriguing. After all, I could sit here in disgust, throw up my hands and shout "I got nothin'" but you and I both know that isn't the case. Far from having no things, I have SOMETHING. I OBVIOUSLY have SOME things rolling around in my brain. Hell, the very fact that I'm awake and alert (for the most part) dictates that I'm experiencing a flood of general brain activity. Writing is like improvising and, more to the point, monologuing. Give me a topic and, regardless of the veracity of the information I can provide on it, I can riff for anywhere between a minute and an hour, depending on when you desperately want me to shut up and change the subject. This skill generally works well enough to fill this all-important "first paragraph" space in the ol' blogs because MOST TIMES I can easily come up with a topic on my own. It's days like today that my brain is so cluttered with things that all I can see is a sort of maelstrom. A sargasso sea of thoughts, out of which protrudes things that I don't exactly want to riff on on the blog so much as just push them back down and hope something worthwhile pops up. Of course, what WILL pop up are the shallow things that are always in orbit around my fetid headmeats. Raccoons and Tacos and Raccoon Tacos and WHY DID I CAPITALIZE EITHER OF THOSE except for the fact that Raccoon Taco isn't a terrible name for a band...If only I could play an instrument. Or sing. Or WRITE. Oh, how I wish I didn't have this massive case of writer's block, I might have the first paragraph done by now.

Wait...Where was I? OH YES, QUIZ!

So we had yet another of the ass-kicking varieties of quiz on Thursday evening. Fifteen big teams joined the fray in search of all the marbles. I must commend you kids for coming up with team names that I didn't hate, especially Robot Boobjob and Hashtag Nipples. Winning my cold, dead black heart isn't easy, but you two, even though you finished in the back half of the pack, managed to do it without effort. The quiz itself was fun in the sense that I find "challenging" to be "fun" and that meant that more than a couple rounds were "SUPER FUN" for everyone. So Holland, Oats and Hall and Oates isn't your collective strong suit. so you have no earthly idea what a "groat" is. SO WHAT? You should still know a whole bunch about China, right? No? Look, "your mom" isn't a dynasty, nor is it the currency of the realm. Also: seriously...When I say "hey, Colorado is kind of a rectangle, what other state is too?" Well...The answer is not Kansas...Nor is it either of the Dakotas. Sigh. Back to Geography class, eh?

We had quite the spirited competition for the top three slots, rife with intrigue, shenanigans, lead changes and other things that I can't come up with words for. When all the quiz dust settled, Seamus!, leaning heavily on their knowledge of Margaret Thatcher and sovereign states, came from well behind in the middle of the pack to take 3rd, Here For Beer, who had presided over the standings almost all evening fell to 2nd and, on the strength of a massive, jokered 15 point round 7 (we do things differently at Old Chicago, it's fine) Jurassic Hamburger leapt into first like a toad with a firecracker in it's ass and ended up as the champeens for the evening.

As always, big thanks to everyone who came out to show off their big brain. After all, what would you do with it otherwise? Stand on the corner with a sign that says "will answer questions for food?" Cure cancer? Solve equations? Bitch, please. BRING THAT THING BACK TO QUIZ! So we'll see you next Thursday then, eh? Good.

One of the myriad of things that I despise about being unemployed (well, technically UNDERemployed. after all, this is a job...kinda) is writing cover letters to accompany resumes. Really, why do I have to derp out a few paragraphs about how damn much I want the job that i'm applying for? I'M SENDING A GODDAMN RESUME, AREN'T I!? What can't these assholes glean from said resume that they'll get from a handful of flowery prose about how much I like meeting deadlines? It's complete jive, it's antiquated and it must stop. Seriously, employers, treat this shit like improv. You give me a suggestion and I can ramble for hours. You say "send a cover letter and resume" and I'll just copy and paste the same letter that I send to everyone who makes this same inane fucking request. Granted, SOMETIMES, some very special times, I know the person whom I am applying for a job with well enough that I'm able to write less of a stuffy cover letter and more of a colloquial, conversational cover letter. Even during these times, though, I despise the process with every fiber of my being. It all boils down to "oh, hai. I can haz job?" and really...How many ways can you say that? I'M FUCKING AWESOME, hire me. It's soul-crushing, at best, to throw so many darts at the board and be told no OR, worse yet, receive no response at all. I realize that, in today's day and age of online applications, the number of applicants for open positions is much higher than it was in the past which makes responding a challenge but, really, have some respect. Someone shat out a generic cover letter, copied and pasted that thing into an email and fired it off to you, THE VERY LEAST you can do is copy and paste a standard response. Not that hard.

Wait, where was I? OH YES, QUIZ!

We had ourselves yet another super-rocking variety of quiz at Old Chicago on Tejon on Thursday. Well, I think we did, I wasn't the most lucid I've ever been in my life as I was suffering the side-effects of a concussion. I'm pretty sure that I didn't end up mis-reading any questions too egregiously and I remembered to do pretty much everything that I needed to do, including taking pictures for the blog and WRITING the blog (as long as I'm not in an unconscious dream state right now). Fifteen big teams threw their brains in the ring to compete for all the marbles. We started strong with a round written in the time-honored Japanese poetry style that is Haiku, talked about Playas in round 3...Also: Eurasian Beavers. There's nothing dirty about that AT ALL, right? Good, I didn't think so. Not like Tangerine Tits...There's definitely something dirty about that, though I never did figure out if that referred to size and shape or taste. Either way, I'd approve tentatively, depending on other factors that we won't get into right here...

What we WILL get into right here is the fact that we had quite the spirited competition for the top 3 slots. Here For Beer spent DAMN NEAR the entire evening at the top of the list until falling into a tie for second with Raptor Attack, prompting a danceoff of not-so-epic proportions. Following that, Here For Beer landed in 3rd, Raptor Attack claimed second and Hamburger Has Fallen came out of NOWHERE to claim the champeenship for the evening. As always, big thanks to everyone who came out to show off their big brain. It pleases me immensely to see all you kids each week SO CONTINUE TO PLEASE ME! Come back again NEXT Thursday...And bring friends. Yes? Yes.

• O'Brien's on Wilshire Irish Pub & Restaurant - Santa Monica 7:00 PM
• Brendan's 404 - Denver 7:30 PM
• Goosetown Tavern - Denver 7:00 PM
• The Mayor of Old Town - Fort Collins 8:00 PM
• Bruno's Tavern - New Orleans 7:00 PM
• White Horse Tavern - Allston 8:00 PM
• The First Printer - Cambridge 7:30 PM
• Costello's Tavern - Jamaica Plain 8:00 PM
• O'Niell's Pub - Albuquerque 8:00 PM
• O'Possum's Pub - Murfreesboro 8:00 PM
• Black Star Co-Op - Austin 8:00 PM
• El Mercado - Austin 7:30 PM
• Strange Brew - Austin 7:00 PM
• Zio Carlo Magnolia Brew Pub - Fort Worth 7:00 PM
• Piper Down - Salt Lake City 7:30 PM
• Quarter Lounge - Seattle 8:00 PM
• Capital Tap Haus - Madison 7:00 PM