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Old Chicago (Tejon)
118 N Tejon St
Colorado Springs, CO 80903
Thursdays: 8:00 PM
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11:30 PM, June 13, 2013


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Scores

Stupid Sexy Flanders	84

Smurf Evolution	80

Gone Squatchin' (Won Danceoff!)	79

This Beer's For Black Forest	78

The Good, The Bad, The Nerdy	76

Renob & The Glans	76

Raptor Attack	74

Seamus	74

This is Our Second Date	74

Second Place	74

Loco Por Los Cornball	72

I'll Have Another	64

Trivia!? I thought This Was a Gangbang	63

The Hamburger Intereship	63

Beer Stream Team	62

The Losers	61

Sinking Ship	53

You're Killing Me, Smalls!	51

Better Late Than Never	46

Neopolitan Ice Cream - The Holy Trinity	35

Higher Altitude	26

Nephilim	25

Who's Yer Daddy?	25

Glizzons	1

Ohhh, Right, So ALL The Tables Were Occupied. Right, FOR QUIZ...Gotcha...

MechaQuizmaster

Revisiting a theme from blogs past, I do believe it's high time that we go over what is and what is NOT acceptable on a "second date." Of course, before we get into THAT, we should probably define what a "date" is to begin with. As is generally my wont, I shall be the sole arbiter of truth in this matter as it pertains to this particular forum. *Ahem* I deem an actual "date" to be the act of engaging in "hanging out" for the purposes of "enjoying one another's company" for a non-specific period of time, with or without friends of either party present. Hanging out in any capacity, social or otherwise with relatives of either party directly involved in this date is not now nor shall ever be considered a "date." That is an obligation. It's also kind of a pain in the ass and should be considered "work." So, to sum up, a "date" is clearly defined as two individuals who enjoy each other's company spending an indeterminate amount of time together for the sole purpose of "having fun" and or "getting to know each other better," the culmination of which MAY OR MAY NOT lead to "shenanigans" up to and including consensual sexual intercourse. GLAD WE GOT THAT HASHED OUT! Now, on to the "second date." I will grant you that the world that we live in is quite dissimilar to the world our parents or grandparents lived in. Ok, maybe not MY grandparents, they were gettin' it on out of wedlock way back in the 40s BUT I HAVE TO IMAGINE YOUR ANCESTORS WERE INSANELY PRUDISH! Anyway, me casting unfounded aspersions aside, a "second date" doesn't mean that it's two people who have only recently met. A second date could mean that these two people worked together for quite some time, each harboring a crush on the other and even potentially "totally making out" or even "boinking" while drunk at a company Christmas party. It could also mean that these are two individuals who WERE attached and had been cheating on their spouse or significant other with each other and are now, summarily UNattached and are free to "openly date." IT COULD ALSO BE TRUE that these two people carried on a cyber romance for sometime, hiding behind the Yahoos or the Book of Faces, learning very intimate details about each other before finally meeting in person and igniting the overwhelming flames of passion. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, you can NOT rule anything out. Again, this is why I feel like we should establish clear guidelines as to what's "ok" during a second date...IS GRATUITOUS ASS GRABBING OK? CHECK YES OR NO! Of course, this may be too broad a topic for one silly little quiz blog to cover...Wait a second...

HOLY SHIT, quiz!

We had easily the MOST ROCKING quiz on Thursday at Old Chicago on Tejon that we have had in a long while. TWENTY-FOUR big teams literally packed the place (standing room only, for the reals, guys) in order to show off their trivia-engorged headmeats. We all hopped in the time machine and set it for 2012 in round one, Mashed it up in round two...Shee-it, I could laundry list the content until the cos come home (which they MIGHT NOT DO if some smartass is out in the field tipping them) but that wouldn't be acceptable. WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE, though, is for me to gloat that 24 GODDAMN TEAMS PLAYED QUIZ ON THURSDAY. TWENTY. FOUR. TEAMS. Do the math, that's a lot of people in one place. I bring this up because THAT'S A LOT OF TEAMS and I love seeing a lot of teams. Fuckin' A right, that's a lot of quiz teams...Eating appetizers...And drinking cocktails...And filling up their beer tour card...And generously tipping the waitstaff...

Anyway, where were we? YES, quiz, and with that many teams, you have to imagine that there was quite the battle for the top three spots. The top 18 teams cracked 5 points, the top 15 teams scored in excess of 60 points. IT WAS A SUPER FUN QUIZ NIGHT! after all the quiz-dust settled, we found ourselves with a tie for 3rd so, true to form, we experienced a SEMI-epic danceoffs (we only post video of the epic ones, I'm sorry to say) between This Beer's For Black Forest and Gone Squatchin'. After some somewhat misplaced Gangnam moves and some precision high kicks, Gone Squatchin' claimed third. In second was the power team called Smurf Evolution and, back in the saddle after a couple second place finishes, Stupid, Sexy Flanders claimed the champeenship for the evening.

As always, BIG thanks for coming out to show off your big brain. It's pretty much the most awesome thing ever to see so many of you on hand with the sole purpose of engaging in mental combat. Since I KNOW you like making me happy, you should keep it up and come back NEXT Thursday, yeah? Yeah.

Old Chicago (Tejon)
118 N Tejon St
Colorado Springs, CO 80903
Thursdays: 8:00 PM
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12:03 PM, June 07, 2013


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Scores

Brian's Fucking Fired	83

Stupid Sexy Flanders	77

Gone Squatchin'	70

Consistently Getting Worse	68

No Touching	67

I Quizzed My Pants	67

Slap & Tickle	67

Vance Deferens	66

Stop! I'm About to Quiz!	66

The FotherMucking Bearodactyls	66

Liquid Gold	64

Seamus	64

FBI & Verizon 4-ever	63

Michael J Fox is Bad at Jenga	58

Are You There God? It's Me and My Whiskey Vagina	55

Higher Altitude	52

Them & Us	49

Hodor?	39

Designated Drinkers	27

...Where You Don't Sing...You Just Talk...IN RHYME...

MechaQuizmaster

One of the things I miss about being a manager is the whole "indentured servitude" angle regarding employees. Let's face facts, people have kids for pretty much one reason and that's INDENTURED SERVITUDE. Kids are there to change the channel (in the days before remote controls), get daddy a beer out of the fridge (in the days before the domestic violence arrest, resultant restraining order and mandatory AA meetings) and to mow the lawn (in the days before foreclosure and the bleak outlook of being crammed into a shitty apartment with mom and 5 siblings). Then, when these same kids grow up, they synthesize that example, work hard, make it to middle management and then they have their employees do wonderful things like wash their car, housesit for them, walk their dogs, attend their AA meetings for them, be an unwitting participant in identify theft and more. Why, having employees is really not much different from having your own army of committed minions, except that the Federal Government doesn't mandate how you compensate minions. Anyhow, back when I was a manager (of an advertising art department), I had indentured serv...Er...EMPLOYEES and these employees were treated AMAZINGLY well. I was fair, benevolent, kind and NEVER EVER threw objects at them or thwapped them with "discipline sticks" made of tightly rolled paper. I wouldn't have done that because that would have been patently wrong and I'm always super nice to people. You know where ELSE I'm super nice to people ALL THE TIME?

Goddamn right: it's quiz!

Speaking of quiz, we had another of the super awesomely rocking ones at Old Chicago on Thursday. Nineteen big teams tossed their big brains in the ring to compete for both the power and the glory. It was also the second evening of training for future Quizmistress Katherine prior to being unleashed on the world. We received a little capital punishment in round one, heard some wack rhymes from a painfully white individual in round three, zipped it up in round four...Sure, I could just laundry list the content OR I could haiku OR I could rap or...or I could do none of the above and just keep typing like a madman...

So we had some rounds last night that went over like gangbusters, most teams rocked rounds 2 and 3, round 5 proved to be about as easy as a roofied sorority girl BUT THEN...Then there was the video round, rife with sequels and also round eight. Oh, round eight, with your reference to one of my favorite movies of all time. You see, Doctor Jones went to great length to retrieve the remains of Nurhachi, 1st Emperor of Manchu Dynasty for local small business owner Lao Che. In return for Nurhachi, Indy was due A DIAMOND of indeterminate value but one would have to assume that said diamond would have been AT LEAST worth all the bullshit that he would have had to go through to get this jar full of dead Chinese guy. And then what does this ingrate Lao Che do? Does he THANK Indy? no, not even remotely, he POISONS him and then says "and now, you give me the diamond" in return for the antidote to "the poison you just drank, Dr. Jones"

Remember? Lao Che's punk ass son shoots Wu Han and then everyone goes batshit and Indy needs the antidote and Willie wants the diamond and most of the straight just want the HELL OUT OF DODGE and...yeah, this is how adventures begin, people...And also, if you can't identify the Wizard of Oz...Where the fuck have you been living since the 1930s?

We had quite the spirited competition for the top 3 slots on Thursday. In fact, the top 16 teams all scored in excess of 50 points which created a logjam of teams who scored respectably looking up at the teams who rocked it. Speaking of rocking it, Gone Squatchin' came from way behind with a big round 8 to claim 3rd, Stupid, Sexy Flanders nabbed 2nd and, apparently redeeming himself, Brian's Fucking Fired claimed the champeenship for the evening.

As always, big thanks to everyone who came out to show off their big brains on Thursday. I love you all and now that I have professed my love, you'd feel like a real dick if you stopped coming to quiz. That would make things weird SO DON'T STOP! Let's do this again NEXT Thursday, shall we? Yes. Yes, we shall.

Old Chicago (Tejon)
118 N Tejon St
Colorado Springs, CO 80903
Thursdays: 8:00 PM
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10:42 AM, May 31, 2013


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Scores

Now you see hamburgers	80

The mythical whiskey vagina's slow decent	74

Bitch PLEASE!	73

Kelly's better?	72

beer, it's what's for dinner tonight	69

Dynamic Duo+3	68

first timers	64

I've made a huge mistake	62

Raptor attack	62

covered in quiz	59

Consistently mediocre	53

Dippin dough balls w/ sauce	51

I wish this mike was a penis	50

All we needs is love	36

Manatards	33

I'm rad and you suck	5

Hi! I'm Fat, Let's Party!

MechaQuizmaster

We've all done things we regret, right? There's always SOMETHING in your past that you can look back on and think "fuck, I totally shouldn't have done that." My life is rife with that manner of memory but, I would contend to you, gentle reader, that the WORST kind of regret is the regret that comes from INACTION. When you can look back and say to yourself "self, I really should have DONE something there," that's when the true, nagging regret sets in, gnawing at your psyche like a Chiweenie dog gnaws at your VERY SOUL. Let me tell you kids a tale of "non-regret" such as what I have just described. So when I was 15, one of my favoritest things in the entire world was attending live professional wrasslin' events. My mom took my sister and I to our first one when I was 12, a WWF event at the Denver Auditorium Arena. Later, my aunt and uncle, helpful as they were, purchased us tickets to an AWA event at the same venue some months later. Anyhow, pro wrestling started to come to my tiny, racist village of Colorado Springs in the very late 80s which was a double bonus as it was both accessible and meant that mom could drop me off and not chaperone me throughout the event. Anyhow, at such an event at the (now long gone) Broadmoor World Arena, my friend Brent Tuck and I ended up with ringside seats to a WWF event. One of the matches pitted "Hacksaw" jim Duggan against Earthquake. As you SHOULD know, Duggan was a stocky, patriotic hillbilly who carted a 2x4 around and bellowed incessantly while Earthquake was a MASSIVE Canadian former collegiate and Sumo wrestler who's finishing move was to plop his fat ass down on his opponent and crush the veritable life out of them. As you may expect, this match took the "Hacksaw hits Earthquake with the 2x4 and knocks him out of the ring" turn about halfway through. It was at this moment that my ringside seats paid off as this mountain of flesh hit the mats surrounding the ring and rolled right up into the retaining barriers separating the athletes from the punters DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME. Like...So close I could smell the poutine and despair. I felt that action was necessary, in front of me, FOUR INCHES IN FRONT OF ME was one of the largest "bad guy" wrasslers in all the land. Don't get me wrong, I fancied myself a "bad guy" and, had I not had my dreams of becoming a professional wrassler crushed at an earlier age would have ended up a wonderfully pedestrian masked villain. However, this was a chance that fate had presented to me and I was not going to waste it. Oh no, I was (and am) a man of action, bitches. So I reached out and I flicked the Earthquake.

*thwap*

"What the Hell, kid!?" Clearly the Earthquake wasn't expecting to ACTUALLY get HIT during a professional wrasslin' bout. He turned and looked at me in such wide-eyed shock and disdain that you would have thought I murdered his favorite aunt or stomped on his dog. It was at this point that the security, conveniently stationed around the ring bravely sprung into action and yelled meekly "HEY! WHAT...WHAT DID YOU DO?" I looked at the security guard, clearly tired from working his earlier shift at Subway and shrugged, giving him the look that you'd give your mom when she found the toilet had overflowed. He backed down instantly and Earthquake, clearly imbued with a strong sense of "the show must go on" flashed me one final "fuck you, kid" look and climbed back into the ring to face his fate as I beamed proudly, for I had not let a moment slip by where action was required. NO REGRETS FROM THAT NIGHT, let me tell YOU!

And speaking of telling you, I should tell you about QUIZ! We had ourselves quite the super-fun-filled variety of quiz on Thursday evening as sixteen big teams tossed their big brains into the ring to compete for the power and the glory. We started off...Well, I started off by handing the quiz reins to Quizmistress-in-training Kelly, who took us through 'til round six in admirable fashion. We learned that, in some people's world, the fife is TOTALLY ANNOYING, where we can and can't find corn in copious amounts, that Ke$ha is pretty much batshit, that the muppet that throws fish HAS A NAME, GODDAMMIT AND that if you take movies and TV shows and parody them in 16-bit RPG video game style, well...You have gold, there. Fucking GOLD.

We had quite the spirited competition for the top three spots on Thursday evening and, after all the quiz dust settled, Kelly's Better? (at what?) finished SO CLOSE to third, one point away from Bitch, Please! In second was The Mythical Whiskey Vagina's Slow Descent and, with 80 big points, Now You See Hamburgers claimed the champeenship for the evening. As always, big thanks to everyone who came out to show off their big brains, it's literally the bestest thing ever to see so many of you packing the place SO KEEP ON BEING THE BEST! AROUND! Don't let anybody keep you down! Come back again NEXT Thursday and show those mean ol' Cobra Kai who's boss!

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