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McCabe's Bistro & Pub
6100 S Main St
Aurora, CO 80014
Wednesdays: 8:00 PM
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12:58 PM, August 16, 2012
Scores
I like My Beer Cold, My TV Loud, And My Homosexuals Flaming 76
Slow Joe's Chain Gang 74
Beef Tits 64
America Back In Chains 63
Disco Pony 36
Squeebs 25
DRMC 19
The Worst Is When They Make Zombie Muppets
Look At This F**king Quizmaster


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Mondays at Ernie's, Wednesdays at the Denver Wrangler, Saturdays at Prickly Pete's, and Sundays at Brendan's 404. 		John LaHendro (Look At This F**king Quizmaster)

Johnny was raised in the Swiss Alps by his grandfather and often has trouble differentiating his life from the movie Heidi.  He has a completely worthless degree in Creative Writing from the University Of Colorado, which he has parlayed into never getting a real job.  When he's not quizzing, he can be found drinking good scotch and cheap beer and bitching about how Charles Bukowski has completely ruined his life.  John is currently living in a remote area of south Denver, which he knows for a fact to be Denver due to the large number of DPD officers he sees hanging around his apartment complex.  His hobbies include watching old episodes of Mystery Science Theatre, playing classic Nintendo games, and making fun of your favorite band.  He also sometimes confuses his life with that of Batman and is currently trying to track down the Joker and bring him to justice.

I want to get this out of the way right now; I am terrified of Muppets.  Muppets scare the ever living shit out of me. I mean for the most part they are creepy as fuck.  Plus you have to consider all the subtext going on in that show.  There’s the pig who is in love with the frog, the two old guys that hate the show but are there constantly like this is some of sort Jean Paul Sartre play where they are never allowed to leave and this is there Hell.  And don’t even get me started on Gonzo with the chickens because no one needs to go down that deep dark rabbit hole.  That said, I know the name of every single Muppet, because know thine motherfucking enemy.  I refuse to lose track of even one felt googly eyed bastard sneak up on me with a knife in his teeth.  I am always prepared for the Muppets to try to kill me.

Speaking of things I’m always prepared for, zombies!  Yes, I am ready for the zombie apocalypse because I’ve spent most of the last 20 years studying and getting ready for what’s going to inevitably happen.  But I think we as a society are already way better prepared than anyone who has ever been in a zombie movie.  You know why? Because the people in zombie movies live in a universe that doesn’t have zombie movies.  Think about it.  How much time do people spend going, “what the hell is that thing?” and debating about how we are going to kill it.  You and I know, when we see the partially decaying person shuffling towards us that it’s a fucking zombie and we need to shoot it in the head.  Problem solved.  There will be no zombie apocalypse, just a zombie kerfuffle.

In other news, Toad the Wet Sprocket are still a thing.  I’m pretty sure about that. I haven’t found any hard evidence of this yet, but I’m willing bet it is true.  I’m sure that if you went to the internet you would find that you can still by their albums and that they are even going to be appearing at the Pound Ridge Harvest Festival this year.  Yes, Toad the Wet Sprocket is going to be in Pound Ridge.  And there are so many things that should be sexual innuendos in that last sentence that I don’t even know what to do.

That’s all for today, kids.  I need to get back to watching Breaking Bad, because I only have 3 and a half seasons left.