Just so you know, this blog is more than just a recounting of the evening's events. It's a document of the day's weather. Or at least it is on mornings when there's so much fog that you can't see the top of the Space Needle.

Why would I photoshop something like this?

Despite my rabid statkeeping, I can't tell you whether or not this is the first night anyone has jokered a perfect 16-point round. I can tell that you guys fucking hammered the slogans round. The average joker for the night was 13 points for a reason.

My Hands Are Masticating are the best a man can get.

Speaking of slogans, thank you for competing in the first annual Give The Ozzie's Quiz A Slogan competition. Let's look at a few of the entries:

"Cognito ergo Ozzie's."
"Where being a pedophile is worth a free beer."
"Pay no attention to the man behind the laptop."
"Winning team gets to gang bang the karaoke singer."
"I slept with your wife."
"The wizards of Ozzie's."
"No, for real, watch more History Channel."
"The 80s, punk music, and WWI: study up, bitches!"
"Don't be a pussy, write it down."
"Really, more Nazi questions, really?"

Silly It's Past Our Bedtime! There's always room for more Nazi questions.

Congratulations to runners up, Sorry About My Face, for their entry: "Quiz night at Ozzie's, fucking with karaoke since 2009." And extra congratulations to That Bruce Willis Cop Movie for their more usable entry: "The more you drink, the more you think!" Look for the new slogan adorning future blog posts.

They'll dine out on this one for months.

Let's see a few more faces.

Pissed Off Park Rangers trying to stifle their smiles...

...and Lonelyboy15 making no such effort.

And now the victorious!

Bobby takes home an e-mail prize that can hold all his winnings.

Third Place: Marshmallow Manwich

Second Place: Sorry About My Face

Grand Champeens: Superfriends

Scores!

Superfriends                 78
Sorry About My Face          77
Marshmallow Manwich          72
That Bruce Willis Cop Movie  70
My Hands Are Masticating     69
It's Past Our Bedtime        67
Pissed Off Park Rangers      52
Lonelyboy15                  51

Average Points per Person!

51.0 - Lonelyboy15
18.0 - Marshmallow Manwich
17.3 - My Hands Are Masticating
15.6 - Superfriends
13.4 - It's Past Our Bedtime
13.0 - Pissed Off Park Rangers
12.8 - Sorry About My Face
11.7 - That Bruce Willis Cop Movie

Round-by-Round Percent Correct Breakdown!

88% - Merriam-Webster Additions
82% - Prithee Purchase Our Wares
70% - Even Fictional Lawyers Are Sleazy (AUDIO)
67% - Burden of Proof (VISUAL)
63% - Sex Scandal Round
55% - Random Knowledge
55% - The A-List (SPEED ROUND)
30% - Time Life Presents the 70s (MUSIC)

Click for the Comparative Histogram of Accumulated Relative Tknowledge.

End of the month means mas estadísticas, amigos!

Click for the real deal.

I couldn't figure out how to piece this together after such an enjoyable night. Do I make non-stop Pee Wee Herman references? Do I riff for three paragraphs about superhero body parts? Do I make a crack about That Bruce Willis Cop Movie getting the only 8-for-8 in the round on shit, piss, and blood?

It's 'cause you're medical students, right? Right?

Not the only good performance, I can tell you. Angry Mogwai basically carried the night by posting a perfect in the spandex-clad visual round and getting three-quarters of the Random Knowledge questions right. Freddie Mercury's Mustache outscored everyone in the music round all about change. Their 11 out of 16 would have got them third if they'd jokered it instead of the final category.

It's a matter of strategery.

In the end, there were too many potential jokes and too many smart people; I've got choice paralysis. So, I'm left with nothing to do but say good job and thanks for the laughs. On with the photo reel!

Sorry About My Face actually has quite pretty faces.

Turtles Don't Do Drugs chanted all night long: "Sixth place! Sixth place!"

I looked up Twat Waffles when I got home. Who knew it was such a thing?

Team Name Goes Here almost clawed their way into the top three, but still didn't go home empty handed.

To Be Smelt Of, Not Swallowed lead for most of the night.

win·ner (n.) - One that takes home prizes, especially after triumphing at quiz night; usually found wearing lucky underwear.

Chris wins the e-mail prize third week running!

Third Place: Wing Kings

Second Place: Utt-purr Cat-tastrophe

Grand Champeens: Angry Mogwai

Scores!

Angry Mogwai                    69
Utt-purr Cat-tastrophe          66.5
Wing Kings                      63.5
Freddie Mercury's Mustache      62.5
Team Name Goes Here             62.5
Sorry About My Face             60.5
Turtles Don't Do Drugs          55.5
That Bruce Willis Cop Movie     54
To Be Smelt Of, Not Swallowed   50
Twat Waffles                    44.5

Average Points per Person!

27.8 - Turtles Don't Do Drugs
21.2 - Wing Kings
20.8 - Team Name Goes Here
16.6 - Utt-purr Cat-tastrophe
14.8 - Twat Waffles
13.8 - Angry Mogwai
12.5 - To Be Smelt Of, Not Swallowed
10.8 - That Bruce Willis Cop Movie
10.4 - Freddie Mercury's Mustache
10.1 - Sorry About My Face

Round-by-Round Percent Correct Breakdown!

82% - This Looks Like a Job For... (VISUAL)
78% - The A-Team
75% - Jizz, Piss, or Blood? (MULTIPLE CHOICE)
73% - Know Your ABCs
60% - Six Degrees of Pee-Wee
55% - Awful Parodies, Part IV (AUDIO)
51% - Random Knowledge
51% - This Round Is Changing (MUSIC)

Click for the Comparative Histogram of Accumulated Relative Tknowledge.

The Circle Jerks were a nameless team
A geographic memory

It's Past Our Bedtime were Jesus freaks
They liked that kind of misery

Reunited and It Feels Okay had a special way
Of turning sex into a song

Venemous Unicorns, who couldn't sing,
Kept the beat and kept it strong

Stainless Steel Man-Trough were archetypes
The voodoo queens, the queens of wrath

Bristol Palin Johnston for President thought men were second best
To masturbating in a bath

Bring Lebron to the Sonics! were feminists
They really had that gift of gab

My Hands Are Animals! point of view was this:
"Take whatever you can grab"

The Humping Marsupials were another team
Who left their mark upon the map

Sorry About My Face liked to tie me up
And left me hanging by a strap

Yeah, okay, that's starting to get weird. Let's just cut to the victors:

Yet another e-mail prize for Bring Lebron to the Sonics!

Third Place: Stainless Steel Man-Trough

Second Place: Reunited and It Feels Okay

Grand Champeens: The Circle Jerks

Scores!

The Circle Jerks                      67
Reunited and It Feels Okay            66
Stainless Steel Man-Trough            65
Bring Lebron to the Sonics!           60
My Hands Are Animals!                 58
The Humping Marsupials                58
Sorry About My Face                   57
Bristol Palin Johnston for President  53
Venemous Unicorns                     47
It's Past Our Bedtime                 43

Average Points per Person!

29.0 - The Humping Marsupials
23.5 - Venemous Unicorns
22.0 - Reunited and It Feels Okay
20.0 - Bring Lebron to the Sonics!
19.3 - My Hands Are Animals!
17.7 - Bristol Palin Johnston for President
16.3 - Stainless Steel Man-Trough
14.3 - It's Past Our Bedtime
13.4 - The Circle Jerks
11.4 - Sorry About My Face

Round-by-Round Percent Correct Breakdown!

83% - Pop Culture Sees No Color (VISUAL)
79% - Doctor, Doctor!
60% - Awful Parodies Pt. 3 (AUDIO)
58% - Going Postal
54% - Kick Your Ass (MUSIC)
53% - From LJ to Feature Film
50% - Crazy News Stories (MULTIPLE CHOICE)
43% - Random Knowledge

Click for the Comparative Histogram of Accumulated Relative Tknowledge.

Listen up, students. Do beta or you won't be wearing a kappa and gown, you'll get no grilled lambda for dinner or pi for desert, and your significant other will just psi and find someone nu.

The Beet Farmers can't believe I made those puns.

I'm only kidding. You guys are amazing. Just look at the way that Pooh Paws: Gadzooks! knew seven of the eight current events questions.

Quite unusually photographed without their copies of Us magazine.

Note that Freddy Mercury's Mustache knew three-quarters of the music round.

They are so ready for a holiday.

Appreciate that both Classybroads.com.com and Minnesota went 8 for 8 the round on distinguishing crayon colors from porn. (One of them knew the answers because of the crayons, the other not so much; I'm not saying who is who.)

...except to say that Minnesota was coloring all night.

No, you don't have to remember your lowercase Greek letters so long as Carrot planters is around to do it for you.

Perfect score; maybe she IS Greek.

Now join me on the settee for a flip through the photo album.

Pullman Playaz are the brightest team in the room...though that could be the lighting.

Rabble Rabble wants your cheeseburger.

Better Luck Next Week got so close to third place they picked the winners' pockets.

Why Is Kurt Not Here? He's Single. Bad joke or accurate statment? You decide.

Ah, remember the days? Look at what the winners wrote in the margins!

Better Luck Next Time eats the e-mail prize

Third Place: It's Past Our Bedtime

Second Place: Codeine and Vodka

Grand Champeens: classybroads.com.com

Scores!

classybroads.com.com               69
Codeine and Vodka                  64
It's Past Our Bedtime              59
Better Luck Next Week              58
Why Is Kurt Not Here? He's Single  58
Freddy Mercury's Mustache          56
Pooh Paws: Gadzooks!               53
Rabble Rabble                      53
The Beet Farmers                   53
Pullman Playaz                     47
Carrot Planters                    41
Minnesota                          40

Average Points per Person!

41.0 - Carrot Planters
32.0 - Codeine and Vodka
20.0 - Minnesota
19.3 - Better Luck Next Week
17.7 - Pooh Paws: Gadzooks!
17.7 - Rabble Rabble
17.3 - classybroads.com.com
15.7 - Pullman Playaz
14.5 - Why Is Kurt Not Here? He's Single
14.0 - Freddy Mercury's Mustache
11.8 - It's Past Our Bedtime
 8.8 - The Beet Farmers

Round-by-Round Percent Correct Breakdown!

65% - Recently in Stuff
63% - Crayon or Porn Award Winner (MULTIPLE CHOICE)
62% - Random Knowledge
57% - Sofa Kingdom
54% - Going on Holiday (MUSIC)
51% - Movies About Food (AUDIO)
43% - Lambda Lambda Lambda (VISUAL)
42% - Great Documentaries

Click for the Comparative Histogram of Accumulated Relative Tknowledge.

Tonight, some lists. What do the Beverly Hillbillies have in their backyard again?

• Liquid Diamond
• Mississippi Mud
• Liquid Lucre
• Dead Dino Juice

This party runs on pure Boomboxygen.

It's also how we power the Rocket Boot Brigade

Gun control means using...

• The Safety
• Good Aim
• Better Aim
• Your Rifle
• Birth Control
• Laser Sights

Christopher Walken thinks the answer is more cowbell

Trigger locks really exercise The Muscle From The Coast

Which porn actress appeared in Steven Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience?

• Jenna Haze
• Traci Lords
• Jenna Jameson
• Heidi Klum
• Karen Gillan
• Lindsay Lohan

Dragon Frog Sushi is a fan of all the above

It's Past Our Bedtime will dream happy dreams

It's a matter of Prestige Worldwide

And now the rogues gallery:

It's Past Our Bedtime takes home the e-mail prize

Third Place: Foxy Boxing

Second Place: Headin' North to Spawn

Grand Champeens: Sorry About My Face

Scores!

Sorry About My Face                   72
Headin' North to Spawn                69
Foxy Boxing                           65
The Muscle From The Coast             61
Dragon Frog Sushi                     52
Boomboxygen                           51
It's Past Our Bedtime                 49
Prestige Worldwide                    47
What's the Opposite of Christopher
          Reeves? Christopher Walken  47
Rocket Boot Brigade                   44

Average Points per Person!

44.0 - Rocket Boot Brigade
23.5 - What's the Opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken
23.0 - Headin' North to Spawn
16.3 - It's Past Our Bedtime
15.3 - The Muscle From The Coast
12.0 - Sorry About My Face
11.8 - Prestige Worldwide
10.8 - Foxy Boxing
10.4 - Dragon Frog Sushi
10.2 - Boomboxygen

Round-by-Round Percent Correct Breakdown!

75% - Your Number Is Up
73% - Four Play!
71% - Bumper Sticker Slogans (VISUAL)
68% - Seagull or Seagal? (MULTIPLE CHOICE)
61% - Oil Questions
59% - Random Knowledge
59% - William H Macy FTW (AUDIO)
32% - One Night Stands (MUSIC)

Click for the Comparative Histogram of Accumulated Relative Tknowledge.

Semi-Regular Year-To-Date Update!

You know we've been at this for half a year so far? Oh snap, friends. This experiment is important. This is for science!

Click for the real deal.