Opal Divine's - Freehouse

Tropical Storm Hermine is No Match for Your Geeky Asses… Or for the GOP

hurls — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 22:58:38 +0000

Even with the ~~hurricane~~ tropical storm whooshing up towards north Texas, you all still braved the weather and fear of drowning to come play with me and Chelsea! Also on board tonight was our new friend Mike Tierney, who will be taking over in Nashville. If you are ever in Tennessee, go check him out on Wednesday nights at Past Perfect!

I felt like tonight’s themes all had something to do with the GOP. Don’t get me wrong, I love the GOP. That’s why I donated $1 Million to their cause. Oh wait – that was a news organization.

Read this recap of rounds and tell me if it doesn’t sound like everything was geared toward the GOP:
1. Wordy/misleading insults (Round 1)
2. The people that hurl them (Round 3 – Bitches of the GOP)
3. Where their mouths should go (Round 4 – Closely Examine My Colon)
4. Where their children are committed (Round 5 – Mental Intitutions)
5. How your mom gets off (Round 6 – Bond. 007 Bond.)

Ok, maybe not the last one, but I couldn’t not mention the James Bond round! He’s so dreamy.

1st place: Skunk-Ape Fanciers
2nd place: The Learned Hands

Thanks for coming! See you next week! xoxo, Evelyn & Chelsea (& Mike!)

In 2nd place, learnin' it all, is the Learned Hands!

In 1st, loving the monkey, it's Skunk-Ape Fanciers!

skunk-ape fanciers         71
the learned hands          65
the rural jurors           59
pull out and pray (DQ'ed)  50
craigslist booty call      41
the minutemen              32
rippin and tearin           8

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Balmy Does Not Sound Like Vagina

hurls — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 03:54:20 +0000

It was... humid tonight at the 'house. I was sweaty as your balls up there under the lights. Luckily it's Pint Night, so I had a frosty pint on hand.

I thought tonight's quiz was really random and hard. So did your mom. We had a round on Non-Vagina Words, a little Money Money, and I See Stars. I still don't understand that visual round, but you guys sure caught on fast. What's an iPod?

For the billionth week in a row, Iowa Hot Guys vs Ohio State Butt Guys won first, but you wouldn't know it, because they change their name every week.

In 2nd was shafted-from-1st team Obama Says "Mission Accomplished".

We gave away some free and discounted haircuts, courtesy of your friendly Opal's Manager, so that was awesome.

Chelsea's Corner:
what a good job you guys did tonight. im not talking about round 7 of course. i mean even i knew like 4 of those. brush up on your rap. thats where these audio round get you. but dont worry, ill play enough rap so you will know whats going on next time. because its like this, that, and this. other than that, great quiz. it was hizz-ot and everyone was out anyway. that a way to be a homie. see? im already showing you a thing or two.

until next week, xoxo Evelyn and Chelsea

Finishing up in 2nd place is Obama Says "Mission Accomplished"

Placing 1st for the umpteenth time is Iowa State Hot Guys vs. Ohio State Butt Guys

iowa hot guys vs. ohio state butt guys  61
obama says "mission accomplished"       57
george w's bush                         50
dirk diggler and the slutty bunch       48
the learned hands                       47
mary, kate, and ashley                  45
peter nincompoop's rough riders         43
ballin' pimpin hard                     41
thunder dome                            40
ucka                                    16

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Hostess snack cakes were named for sexy euphemisms.

Joshuay — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 17:53:46 +0000

It was good to be back at my old stomping grounds last night! It's hard to forget the hustle and bustle of 6th Street, with it's moronic drivers who feel the need to floor it and rev their engines for a block until the next red light. Or the ADORABLE stray kittens that come around to peek at you and wonder what the hell you're doing stomping on their roof. Awesome.

Our Duh round was hilarious, as always. That little bit of schadenfreude I get watching you all realize how painfully obvious these answers are is always fun for me. The bearded bards through you all for a loop. I was a little sad we didn't get any "Yamo Be There," but it was nice to have Michael McDonald represented anyway. The fat kid in all of us was delighted as shit by the snack cake speed round, though sadly you are all unaware that Little Debbie and Hostess are two totally different companies.

Mostly Painless Video Game Questions was, as a video game geek myself, my favorite round of the evening. But here's my opinion of sports games: I play video games as a form of escapism with the hopes that there will be some simulation of a feat or action or lifestyle in which I could not normally engage in real life. I suck at sports. I am not a fan of football. Why on earth would I pay $60 to suck at a sport I hate in a video game? And if real sports fans want to be playing football... go fucking play football. I'm fat and lazy because I'm trying to pretend I'm galloping across Hyrule to save a princess. What's your excuse?

This bitch already knows about 50 ways to say "Up yours," but we won't get into that.

Sketchy was a fun round, though clearly you all think the height of Sketch Comedy is The State. I wonder if you think that because you actually enjoyed it, because it's ironic to like it, or because you think you're being different.

Back to inadequate sports players, our Canadian sports round was mildly hilarious. A few perfect scores surfaced, but most of us really don't care what Canada gets up to in an arena. Even the Winter Olympics were lackluster until US started winning medals.

Our California Gurls parody round was an assault on the collective decency of Opal Divine's. I enjoy Katy Perry as much as the next gay fella, and sure imitation is the highest form of flattery, but these were just God awful. Bless you all for trying so hard.

Round 8 was yet another toss up, and it seriously jostled the scoreds. I get that people like to root for the underdog, but I feel obliged to tell you that Parks and Recreation just isn't funny. Amy Poehler is precious, but she's not Steve Carell. The Office is already in the process of being the awkward mockumentary horse to death. We don't need anyone else coming in with a wiffle bat to join in the fray. Your contribution is not needed.

In 2nd place, the dapper gents and charming ladies of The Learned Hands!

I'm contractually obliged to sing the praises of the team name choice for our first place winners, The Poppers. I was told that it can mean whatever you want it to mean, and it's the best name ever. I told them it meant a specific inhalant popular in some circles for use during sex. They pretended not to know what I meant.

Scores

The Poppers				77
The Learned Hands			70
Smurf Insertion				69
Electrolytes - What Plants Crave	64
?					53
Ucka					52
Terri Snatcher				50
Shake Weight & Bake			47
Fisher Price				44
Kraps					40
Ryan Was Exercising			38
The Whispering Eyes			33
A Team Named Sue			28
The Jene Sais Quois			8
Justicia				3

I had a blast returning to the quiz at Freehouse. I love the staff here and the players are, as always, a joy. The ladies will be back next week to listen to any complaints you may have about me. Until then, I don't care what you think! IDOWHATIWANT!!

Your friendly neighborhood quiz master,
Joshuay

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

I Got A Yellow Fever. And The Only Prescription Is More Homer.

hurls — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 04:40:17 +0000

Yeah! 41 teams strong, you all came to the Simpson's Quiz tonight ready to get your game on.

But no one could beat Encyclopedia Brown-eye, who walked away with $400.

We quizzed you on everything Simpsons-related, and I heard over and over that this quiz kicked last years' Yellow Fever's ass.

I won't get into any details, as I know some of you are still waiting for the Yellow Fever to hit your city. I'm onto you, trolling the blog for hints. Let's just say there is no way to prepare for the Fever of the Four-fingered Yellow-ness. It will make you it's bitch and there's no escape.

Chelsea's Corner:
holy crap!

Note: number in parenthesis is total number of players for each team. In case you are interested.

Encylopaedia Brown-eye (3)                      77
The Carholes (6)                                72
Million Dollar Abie (2)                         71
Can a I Borrow a Feeling (4)                    70
Team Family Guy (5)                             69
Lobsters Stuffed with Tacos (6)                 66
Purple Monkey Dishwasher (3)                    65
The Team that almost wasn't but then was (5)    65
Thrill Pool (5)                                 64
Something Something (6)                         63
The Hammock District (3)                        61
Grade A Morons (5)                              60
Super Nintendo Chalmers (2)                     58
Duffman is thrusting in the 
        direction of the problem (6)            58
Moe Syzlak Connection (6)                       57
Team Scorpio (2)                                56
Bovine University (6)                           55
Snuh (2)                                        55
Dedric Tatum's Donkey Punch Out (3)             53
Team Discovery Channel (2)                      52
The Isotopes (3)                                52
Professor B J Cornucopia (6)                    52
Honk if you demand satisfaction (4)             50
The Black Smithers (4)                          49
Bent Wookies (5)                                48
Christ Punches (6)                              47
Blinky's Revenge (4)                            47
I Ated the Purple Berries (2)                   47
The Mole Men (5)                                47
Yvan eht nioj (3)                               43
Team Furious George (2)                         34
Cursed Frogurt (4)                              33
Double Guitars (3)                              32
Guatemala (2)                                   31
I Can't Stop Drinking (3)                       28
Evergreen Terrace (5)                           28
chemical toilet (3)                             27
Bombardment (4)                                 23
Dirty Flatulent Women (3)                       19
I don't like your team name (4)                 19
The Quaff Masters (5)                            6
bartman (3)                                      3

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Alice Be Tokin'

hurls — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 04:58:39 +0000

18 teams strong, we entered the pits of the quiz together. Only 2 of you emerged victorious, as the law states every Tuesday at the 'House. Those teams were, in 2nd place, Ted Stevens' Inflatable Slide, and in 1st, Bill and Ted Stevens' Bogus Journey.

Is it any coincidence that the top-placing teams both played tribute to the late great(?) Ted Stevens? Probably as much coincidence that the tied-for-10th teams were both tribute to wieners. They were Welcome to Boner Town and Three and a Half Inch Penis Gun.

You all were a really fantastic crowd: groaning together as you mistook Avril Lavigne for Sarah Mclachlan, sobbing together as you tried to decipher my Literary Mash-up. All-in-all, a great time for us all.

See you next Tuesday at the 2nd Annual Simpsons Yellow Fever Quiz! 8pm, $5, Do It

Chelsea's Corner:
good job tonight guys. you know, like it was cool and stuff. my favorite part was when it smelled like pot for a bit. i mean, who was that? and why didnt he share? um, drugs are bad...mmmkay. i had a great time tonight! it was brian's bday, and someone told me something super awesome and i love them even more meow. i guess that's really all i have to say. oh yeah, this guy totally fell off his scooter on the sidewalk and some bicycle cops saw it. they ran over there to see if he was ok, then they gave him a field sobriety test. im pretty sure he failed.

until next week, xoxo Evelyn and Chelsea

Walking away with 2nd place was Ted Steven's Inflatable Slide

And taking all the marbles once again was Bill and Ted Steven's Bogus Journey

bill and ted stevens' bogus journey      81
ted stevens' inflatable slide            80
in my country, we call it the perineum   74
the octupus ate my baby                  70
deez nutz                                66
poop patrol                              65
blowjobs for b baughs bday               65
the prodigy                              62
the continental drifters                 61
welcome to boner town                    60
three and half inch penis gun            60
trivial hirsuits                         53
the regulators                           51
maxum                                    50
dueces                                   49
no names                                 35
cunt drips (opals staff)                 31
smooth                                   21

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

The Force Is With Us

hurls — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 04:41:55 +0000

Hey! Thanks for hanging out with me and Chelsea tonight! We sure had a swell time and these are a few of the swell things we learned: All about Current Events!; all about I Love You Songs!, and all about Pie! Who doesn't like pie?!

When ever-present team Are You There God, It's Me, Gregor had two more friends show up, they saw their chance of winning die in the land of, what they like to call, Disqualifucked. Giving a shot to YouTube? No, ITube, Motherfucker to place in 2nd. In 1st we have regular rockin team, The Punisher.

Chelsea's Corner:
you guys were really fun tonight. i was told that someone had a crush on me like 8 weeks ago, sorry im taken, and 2 tables requested to speak with me. im a hot commodity. you're welcome, world. im ron burgundy? i mean i look good. you stay classy opal divines.

xoxo Evelyn and Chelsea

Inserted into 2nd place was Youtube? No, Itube Motherfucker

Taking 1st place again was The Punisher

the punisher                                          65
are you there god? It's me, gregor (disqualifucked)   63
youtube? No, itube motherfucker                       61
allright, all right all right                         60
ewww…my wiki leaks                                    59
peter nincompoop's rough riders                       53
9 inch vernacular                                     50
purple tye dye aussies                                49
pippy                                                 48
the fluffers                                          44
drunken nutz                                          40
presto manifesto                                      35
like taco cabana                                      35
hey adrian!                                           28
the destroyers                                         5

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

I Respect My Elders. Suck It, SIR!

hurls — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 04:41:26 +0000

When we arrived at Opal's, it had been a long day for both of us. After some grub and beer (yay, Pint Night!), we were ready to go... but the dark clouds overhead motivated us to go old-school and give you the quiz from the weather-friendly upstairs balcony, giving us all an up close and personal quiz.

Only problem with up close and personal is the urge newcomers have to yell in my face about what they thought an answer was, or to give me a play-by-play of their thoughts about my questions, comments, and the quiz in general. If you were at Opal's tonight, you know who I'm talking about. WTF was up with that guy?

Anyway, the scores at the top were pretty close, with just 1 point separating the top placing teams. In 1st, we had No, YOU Take Out the Trash, Dad, but just one point behind them was 2nd placer Who is Driving? OMG Beer is Driving!

chelsea's corner:
yeah, that guy was outta control fo sho. but thats what happens when you have 3 shakers of martinis or whatever the hell he was drinking. but i digress. there were a lot of you tonight and a lot of ruckus. it was nice to see everybody having a good time. i especially enjoyed it when we got to round 7. it was the movie quote round and everyone was quoting along with the clips. it sounded really good, funny, and promising. you all did pretty well. thanks for the good times. and buddy that was yelling, thanks for nothing.

until next week xoxo Evelyn and Chelsea

Riding high in 2nd place was No, YOU Take Out The Trash Dad

Drinking it up in 1st place was Who Is Driving? OMG, Beer Is Driving

who is driving? Omg beer is driving!     66
no, YOU take out the trash dad           65
mel gibson's overworked publicist        64
simeon my whale                          60
hit the wall                             60
oh the humanities!                       58
the golden girls                         57
ruffalo's onesie                         55
there's money in the banana stand        54
heterogenous solutions                   54
but first you will blow me               53
christopher reeve's equestrian team      50
trust me, im a doctor                    49
seedunuca                                43
trivial hirsuits                         42
g&s                                      40
the grapist                              39
hampton VA                               39
howard                                   19
huss                                      4

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

2 guys make a woman from technology, she turns evil brother into a monster and people from a different world show up. Movie ends with her as a hot chick.

hurls — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 04:24:43 +0000

That's right, that's the best Tickle My Pickle could do for the John Hughes question. The movie is Weird Science, guys. See here for the original answer sheet:

Yeah, I know it's tough to read. This was the best of like, 7 pictures we took of it. You get the point though, right?

So tonight was pretty awesome for a number of reasons.
1. I love it when you applaud.
2. Pint Night makes drinking Newcastle totally affordable.
3. The Freehouse had their misters blowing all through the quiz. Soft wet drops of cool love.
4. There were 13 teams!
5. We gave away the Go Intercourse Yourself lip balm email prize to a BOY!

We had lots of new teams, but only love for the regulars. In 2nd place, For British Eyes Only!, and in first New Black Panther Pizza Party.

Chelseas Corner:
what a night. the misters were a real treat. they made it feel like it wasnt 90 something degrees outside. good quiz. the back to the future round was pretty harsh. one team wrote on the answer sheet that no one on their team had seen it. um, im sorry, but do you live in america? do you not know about the power of love? well, huey and his news are very upset with you. go watch it! right now! that is all.

see you folks next week, xoxo Evelyn and Chelsea

Coming in 2nd again, (ha, coming) For British Eyes Only!

And heating it up in 1st was New Black Panther Pizza Party

new black panther pizza party     72
for british eyes only!            70
segway squaredance                68
round 5 is racist                 66
trannie liebowitz says goodbye    62
booty shorts                      61
whataburger                       60
I just blue myself                49
tickle my pickle                  41
trivial hirsuits                  40
pink panty droppin panthers       37
coy                               32
I ated the purple berries         16

Original post blogged on b2evolution.