My car broke down last night on my way to the quiz. I had to walk carrying all my stuff, and all these cars were driving by waving and laughing and being warm and everything. It's cold here, my stuff was heavy, and it was not a great start to my night. But at a brisk pace, I managed to make it in there earlier than I thought. I am some kind of new-god.

Last night was packed, Santa Fe, and I thank you for that. Usually when I show up a little before 7:30, there are a couple people hanging out, but last night, most of the tables were already taken by the time I got there. Awesome.

Round 1 was like a laundry list of movies that I would take a girl to see if I really hated her guts and wanted to end things. "Gorillas in the Mist"? Guh...that movie ruined my life when I was but a lad. "Deliverance" and "Caligula" were movies that everyone had seen(gross)but The Lifestyle, a documentary about swingers in the suburbs was known to nobody. I guess that's ok. I mean, I've seen HBO's Real Sex episodes about swingers, and they are usually gross as shit. Thank god my parents never showed interest in one another beyond hanging with my brother and I. Oh god...I think I'm starting to put awful images in my head! Let's get the hell away from this subject.

Pop songs in German was the first audio round. I get the feeling this is a favorite of my quiz overlords in Denver. And who can blame them? I was a little weirded out that there were two Tom Jones songs on there, but seeing as Hasslehoff is huge over there, I guess it's not all that strange. One team even got that Bryan Hyland sang "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini". I woulda been screwed on both title, and artist on that one. I was impressed. Also, word to the teams that yelled at me that it was The Rivieras that first recorded "California Sun". A quick jaunt on the internet proved you right, and earned you each an extra point. Not that it mattered.

Boos for me in Round 3, when I announced that I hate Toni Morrison. Sorry! We can all have an opinion right? You should all just be glad that she's still alive...for now. I also taught everyone that Douglas Adams of "Hitchhiker's Guide" fame had lived in Santa Fe. Then, I had to take it too far and ask everyone if they remembered looking at the "Joy of Sex" pencil drawings when they were kids. Everyone looked at me weird after that. Well, weirder than before anyway. I also told the tale of me as a lad, writing a heartfelt letter to Beverly Cleary that was never answered. Learning that she was alive was just like salt in the wound. Doesn't this woman have an assistant, or some bullshit automated response? I hope you choke on my letter, Cleary. It's because of you that I haven't read a single book in 19 years.

Round 4 brought in our special celebrity guest quizmaster:

I was impressed by not only her ability to write a tough round of hot quiz action, but also her handling of a room full of loud drunks! Well done, Julia. The round was on New Mexico politics and such. We learned that New Mexico's Lieutenant Governor's dad is named after whiskey, and that a fallen county judge is now a hairdresser. It's too bad, too. That judge would not make you ever pay your speeding tickets. Although, she did have killer hair! We can't thank Julia enough for coming out and rocking with us. Hopefully she had a blast. Or at least drank a million beers.

Round 5 was all about irony, as your visual round was about the blind. Sure, you guys all got Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles, and a few of you even got Louis Braille. But where were you on Blind Willie McTell? 2 teams only got that one. And I was duly impressed. It may surprise you to know this, but I am an old blues fan like fuck. Nice job, teams.

Although it was called Random Science Knowledge, round 6 should have been called "Let's All Break Rule #2 And Yell At Alex". Sorry guys, but it's not like every question on the quiz is supposed to be easy. Where's the challenge in that? One guy keeps yelling "This round sucks!" while some girl keeps coming up and saying, "Your quiz is too hard, and also too risque, I don't like it at all." What can I say? Isn't it fun to learn something every now and then? Can't you all just take it easy? The weird thing was, that a lot of the teams that were bitching, scored well on this round. Nice job, even though you have a hard time with the simple rules! F!

All I can say about Round 7 is that "The Dark Knight" was the coolest movie I've seen since "Caligula". Oh, and I guess I should mention that "Let The Right One In" was an amazing movie that made "Twilight" look like shit. Not that it needed help. And not that I even saw "Twilight". That was the one clip that threw everyone off. Some good guesses though from a couple teams. I suggest you all go out and see it right away.

Round 8 brought us everything from "Princess Bride" questions, to axillism(see photo above). It was good to remember that Ann Coulter is just about the shittiest human ever, and all the teams kept an eye out for those trying to cheat on the iPhone question. All I wanna know is, who the hell is Sherri Sheppard?

It was a bit of an upset in the final minutes, and one notorious team's crown was stolen by a late-rising group of incredible champions!!!!!

THE TOP 3!!!

And the final scores look just like this:

Bill Ricahrdson's Scarf          75
Chlamydia Is Not A Flower        72
Hooked On Kronix                 71
D-Listed                         69
Fur Burgers                      68
Dewey & The Decimals             67
Fish & Tits                      65
Drunk Muppets                    61
Mad Aides                        59
Oceanic 6                        56
G Squared                        53
Beer Wenches                     53
Rambo Sue                        53
Ten Year Plan                    52
Lame Team Name                   47
Lepers                           45
Banana Hammock                   43
Ham Fisted                       43
Clusterfudge                     32
News Team Amarillo               24
I've Got A Sconer                 9
Magnum JB                         5